gottawonder

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

Doing a few little things. Dishes. Laundry.

I tried calling our mechanic about changing the tires on my car, but got his answering machine. He didn't get back to me.

My Sister E actually called. I had given up on her. Several weeks ago, after a few attempts at calling her (and me saying "how about we try again, since you are busy" because I dislike trying to talk to her when she's trying to do a chore, out in public, or driving and narrating her drive instead of having a conversation), I finally gave up trying and left it up to her to call when she had time.

It was an okay call. She talked for a while about all the volunteer work she's doing. It sounds like she's really pushing herself to go out and do things in the community, which is good, but maybe is also a lot? Well, it's better than sitting at home staring at a television. She sounds busy and enjoying herself.

I ended up talking mostly about being angry that the deck and the giant slab of concrete are still sitting there, with no actual plan in place to get rid of them. REALLY NOT HAPPY AT ALL.

My husband keeps shifting things around with those things. If I press him about the wooden deck, instead of "okay, let's get rid of it" he says "I would like to see if X wants it". Two weeks later I ask, and it's "let's ask the woman at the dump if anyone wants it". That's how he's getting around it. He keeps thinking of someone else who might want it, so I have to give him another week or so to see if they get back to him.

As for the concrete, he just makes up one thing or another about that too. "Oh, Dan is getting a concrete saw from his work place to come cut it up this weekend" turns into "Dan can't make it", so that bought him a week while I thought Dan was coming. I ask him again, and he's like "Well, the blade for that saw costs around $300, so maybe we have to see if Ken is still coming for it". Ken is not coming for it, but that will be his excuse this week.

All he has to do is have another story that will get him to the weekend, and when the weekend comes, "oh no, that didn't work out after all".

I talked to him when I got back from riding in the evening, and I tried to be very nice about it, but that didn't last as he gave me the same runarounds. He just ends up saying (about the concrete) "you have no idea how hard it is going to be to get rid of that slab".

I have NO DOUBT AT ALL that the solution is going to be A) expensive and/or B) very difficult and labor intensive. I KNOW it's going to be awful. Yet, it's going to be awful next year too, right? And how about in two or three year's time? Cheaper or easier the longer you wait? I bet not.

Did he never have a plan to get rid of it besides Ken getting it? Doesn't that seem like a lot of responsibility to lay on our 75 year old neighbor? For HIM to come and remove this giant slab?

So it looks like my husband really just didn't have a plan beyond pulling that slab away from the house. He says "I didn't think it would be that thick, it's actually so much heavier than I thought it would be".

His solution really is "let's just say in our heads that one day our neighbor will come get it. Forever. We'll just think that. We won't even try anything else, and let's just keep walking around it and pretend it isn't there, because it's a pretty big problem that I don't want to even begin to deal with".

That's what's really going on.

Same with the deck. SOMEONE WANTS THIS DECK, so I will not deal with it.

I'm so tired of things like this happening. Over and over again.

Like how it took FOUR YEARS for him to finally get the cracked window repaired, and mostly I did the work and took it in myself.

How we spent a winter with piles and piles of garbage from tearing down the trailer just sitting in the yard, including a DIFFERENT pile of concrete that sat there for almost two years until I found someone to come haul it away because my husband didn't think a pile of concrete was an issue. I wonder if I could find that guy again.--

How is he like this? HOW IS HE LIKE THIS?!!!!!

Do I love him? Yes. Does he drive me right up a fricking wall? Also yes.

I went to get gas before going to the barn, and Asa, the owner and I talked about the election, and then about how probably no one actually loves the orange menace. Yes, we have those kinds of conversations. Then out of the blue, Asa says something along the lines of "you see the body language of the president and his wife, and it's obvious that she hates him. Not like you and your husband. When you are together, your body language is about love. Nothing but love."

Well, I didn't know what to say about that. I do love my husband, and we're pretty affectionate.

I also spent the last hour or so in a white hot fury about the deck and the concrete slab.

I went to the barn, and today being slightly above freezing, everything was muddy.

R was there, back from the trip to Kentucky with other members of the barn. We didn't talk much about it, as she looked exhausted and had to go inside for supper. I'm sure we'll talk about it more on other days.

River did well enough after some effort to get him more forward. I got to the barn a little late, so we had to be efficient in our work, which isn't the worst thing. Sometimes I drag things out too long.

Again, the focus was on rhythm and being forward. I did some trot circles over poles on the ground, and you could see SUCH a difference in him going to the right. He's tight or something on that side, and in trying to do a circle over the poles he was having trouble making a nice circle, and was trying to avoid the poles.

Yet, after really getting him out to the outside of the round arena and cantering a bit, and then back to a smaller trot circle, he was able to do a better trot and picked himself up over the poles.

I don't know if it's just not comfortable (no lameness that I can see) or if he's just uncoordinated in that direction.

Then I rode, and worked again on having rhythm and staying forward.

I spent some extra time giving River a massage in the barn after, and his right shoulder really got a reaction from him, so I worked on that for some time. He really must be tight there.

Then I came home.

My Sweetie fixed a thing on the screen door, I don't know what you'd call it. The hydraulic tube that pulls the door shut at the bottom.

He was making supper too, which is nice.

That's when I tried SO HARD to have a gentle discussion about the deck/concrete and he brushed me off with more BS, and I did get angry because I'm tired of nothing happening. I don't know if it helped at all.

We did move on from that to other things, with no resolution.

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep, but not OVER sleep.

Some time with my Sweetie without needing to jump into action.

I'm trying to restrain myself from demanding that he do more with the weekend. I know he's had this odd pain in his side for some time now, and while I can't SEE that pain, I know it's bothering him.

He went to the doctor a while ago (I know I mentioned it) and he's got an appointment for an ultrasound in not quite two weeks (I know I mentioned that too), and hopefully it will shed some light on what's causing the pain.

I know it's affecting his sleep and general sense of well-being.

So, while we didn't get much done this weekend, I can understand his need to have some kind of easier days. His job certainly isn't easy on him.

He did address something; a sharp drop off from a walkway. It's a section of concrete sidewalk that leads away from the house out to the pottery shed. It has always just ended abruptly with a steep angle down to the grass.

I have tried to fill it in with clay to make a gentle slope, and it always gets pounded down to a steep angle in a year or so. It's the strangest thing.

So today he sort of tried to make a step with a piece of 4x4, but he almost made it MORE dangerous. He put the step about six inches out from the end of the concrete, so that FIRST there is the steep slope of dirt, then the step. So if you don't step out and away (no hand rail), your foot still hits the steep slope, and would sort of slide down until it hit the step.

Imagine if the steps leading to your house alternated between a steep angle and then a step.

Not good.

I was maybe a little harsh about that, but really. It was MORE dangerous.

So, we'll come back to it in a day or so and see if we can't remove the steep slope and make one step that goes all the way to the edge of the concrete.

The other thing: WE know it's tricky, but I'm worried about having someone here and walking out to the pottery shed and forgetting to tell them, and they fall.

Anyhow.

We went to see River together, which is nice.

River was pretty hungry, as they hadn't been fed for the evening yet. So he was happy to come in for his mash and I gave him some time to eat hay in the stall. Enough to at least take the edge off so he could focus.

We did more work using poles, lots of backing and side passes and things like that. Trotting over poles. All things to get him to pick up his feet and use his back end.

By then K came out to feed, and he came into the arena to chat for a while. R and L and everyone are hopefully back tomorrow.

Then I rode for a while and worked on rhythm and being forward, and a bit with the garrocha.

He put in a good effort.

It's been hovering around O C all day, and foggy. It's pretty, with the snow and all the trees covered in hoar frost, and then the fog. Not great for driving visibility, but pretty.

It was pretty last night, as there was a close to full moon on the fog when I was out doing chores.

I cooked for me and he cooked for himself as he was having pasta.

We watched an episode of "The Sopranos".

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

Not doing too much today. Little things. Putting away clean dishes, filling the cat water tower, sweeping.

No dog poop all over when I got up, so that's a win.

Feeling kind of stuck. Like I'm often living the same week over and over again. Nothing against a nice, stable life, but feeling like I'm not growing either.

I need to do something about the pottery situation. To learn how to glaze. I looked into some studios in the city to see if they offer training, since it seems like the people I know who COULD help (there are people I know from the studio who make glazes, but totally ghosted me on the issue) aren't interested.

It would also be nice to do something a little out of our normal routine. I don't know what that would be yet.

I'm seeing updates of the people from our barn who went to Kentucky to compete in Liberty there, and it looks like they did well, and in most classes someone from our barn placed. That's pretty cool!

Then I went to see River. It was hovering around the 0 C mark, so all the accumulated snow was slushy but not quite going away either.

He was in a good mood today, and I felt like he gave a really good effort.

He is a different horse in the cooler months. His breathing is good, his energy is good, and he can just do so much more. It's frustrating for me that all the shows and clinics are in the summer, when he just can't do much, and it makes me feel awful to have to try to show him.

The freestyles that I work on all winter have to take into account that by the time we need to perform them, he won't be the same horse.

I keep hearing "he needs to be more forward". "MORE ENERGY"!!! Well, he really doesn't have anything more to give in the summer, and it's hard to get people to understand that.

Even R, who has worked with us for six years now...every summer it's like she forgets. Winter rolls around again, and she's like "you're making so much progress with him" and I have to remind her that he's ALWAYS better and more forward and athletic in the winter, and that by summer we'll be back to him being slow and exhausted.

No, the vets have no answer.

Anyhow, he did great today. We worked over poles to get him to pick up his feet and lift his body, which all helps with collection and general fitness.

We did lots of backing.

Then my Sweetie showed up, which was nice. He finished up at climbing early, because one of his buddies wanted to chat about girl trouble.

I rode for a while, working again on being forward with rhythm, and worked with the garrocha.

Then we headed home.

He ate in town with his friend, so I cooked for myself.

He wanted to head right to bed, but I was put out about that. He can't manage to even sit with me to watch a movie? I mean, it's Friday! He could fall asleep watching the movie if he had to.

So he did. We watched the first "Practical Magic", which I hadn't seen in a very long time. It was okay, kind of that "girl power" vibe that wasn't horrible, but not great either.

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

Good lord, October has gone by quickly. I feel like that a lot, though. Every month I'm surprised at the end of it.

It snowed quite a lot yesterday and overnight. Everything is white, and not just a thin layer. A significant layer. Our back steps had drifted in a bit, and I had to clear them off.

I did dishes, some laundry, changed the cat litter, swept. All the little things that keep our place somewhat livable.

I had to change Wonder's blanket because she tore one of the straps free. I will have to sew it back on. Luckily we have several blankets for her.

Then I went to the barn to see River. We had a lesson today with K instead of R, since R is in Kentucky.

I hemmed and hawed about having a lesson with K, because he tends to work differently than R. He works a lot with beginners, and it sounds snarky but it isn't intended that way, he is less....competitive?

My husband said though, he might have a different perspective. You can always learn something.

So our lesson went well. I do like K very much, and he did have a different approach than R. We worked on some things over poles, not too different from some of the things I do on my own, and then we shifted to discussions and work relating to rhythm.

That part clicked with me, and I got some different perspectives on rhythm and it's importance, and how it ties in with the "FORWARD" that is driven into us. Forward is important, but I think we get lost in it being about going faster, it's more about rhythm.

A horse does everything differently if they are moving forward without hesitation or resistance, and if you can "put a horse there", you then can stop micromanaging his body and focus on the cues needed to turn, etc.

Also, if YOUR body is in rhythm with the horse, and YOU are moving correctly, be aware that YOU can cause your horse to fall out of rhythm by not moving with them, or changing your body when you are trying to turn or go over a pole etc.

I likened it to when you are walking with someone, you know what it's like when you aren't in sync. One person is starting and stopping and going all over the place or speeding up and slowing down or bumping into you. It's maddening. Then imagine what it's like when you are in sync with someone, walking rhythmically together, maintaining a small distance between you, keeping a steady pace. You can have a conversation when you do that. You feel connected.

I have had this come up in lessons before, and it IS kind of the core principle behind horsemanship and Liberty, but something hit differently today.

Hopefully it actually sticks and I don't forget about it again.

River did very well. He had good energy and breathing, and gave a very good effort in all of our work today.

It was fun working with K. I think he enjoyed himself too. I'm probably a different kind of rider for him, as he often works with younger folks.

The next rider and her Mom were in the barn when we finished, so I chatted with them for a while.

Then I drove home.

My Sweetie made more borscht from the garden beets again, and it is SO GOOD.

He was too tired to stay up and watch a show, so he headed to bed after we chatted for a while about our day.

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

While not perfect, my back is feeling better today.

After getting up and eating etc, I was getting ready to go outside to do chores, when Roxy started barking at someone at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone.

It was two guys from our electricity provider, there to work on the breakers on our central pole outside.

That's when things got weird. They said they had been trying to call us to book an appointment, but "we kept reaching the ex-wife's phone number". Whoever this was said she no longer lived here, moved about ten years ago, so this guy somehow jumped to the conclusion that it was an ex?

Silence. Then laughter. There is no ex-wife, I said. "Well, then the ex-girlfriend, whatever".

"No, not whatever. There is no ex ANYTHING of my husband's who would have had her phone number on our service contract. We've lived here for about 20 years and both of our names have been on it the whole time".

So, what I think has happened, is just that they got a wrong number, and the person that they reached was asked if they could come work on the pole, gave the land description, and whoever it was just said "I haven't lived in that area for at least ten years" and hung up.

There are all kinds of people who have lived near us and moved away in the last ten years, though none from OUR property description. The way the guy described it, the way he talked was "You know, North of (nearest town)". That could describe about a hundred properties.

Well, I don't know why he chose to go straight to "that had to be his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend". It's like he just wanted to stir up some shit for no good reason.

Well, I didn't get angry, I just laughed. Then I called my husband so he could talk to this guy himself, and ask him to explain how he thought there was an ex-wife involved.

After all that, the guy just said we needed to contact the company and make sure it was the right contact number. All of that, and no one could just say "we likely made a mistake".

Sigh.

Well, I left them working on the pole when I headed to town for groceries, wondering if their competency would mean something else would be messed up when I got back.

I picked up Jones food and Roxy food at the vet clinic.

Then I headed to pottery, though it was already too late to throw anything. I did put a dry bowl on the cart to be bisqued.

I had a conversation with A, the potter that I visited her acreage earlier this summer. We still haven't worked out a good day for her to visit our place and to see River, but we'll keep trying.

She was upset because she had gotten a snarky email from the same people who rub me the wrong way all the time (the president and the REAL president/dictator S). The president of our craft center texted her and asked her what kind of clay she used to make a piece she put on the cart to be fired. It's a legit question, but sounded kinda snarky. The REAL snarky part, was the second paragraph "reminded" this person about cleaning up her area, specifically the clay drying slab.

A general email was sent out about that clay drying slab, and it had been myself who forgot to clean it off, and I said so. I guess the email to this person A had taken place before my response, but why would they single her out for that kind of email? Very snarky.

We're both pretty tired of the atmosphere of those two policing the studio within an inch of its life for petty infractions. We're human, okay? The amount of danger to anyone from forgetting to clean something is nil. They just love the power.

Moving on.

Then I went to get groceries, and that went fairly smoothly. I'm grateful to be able to get groceries, that my back was feeling better, and having a car to get around in.

I got home and my Sweetie was outside with Roxy. He helped me get everything in and we put it all away. He made me supper, but didn't feel like eating anything (sigh).

We watched an episode of "The Sopranos".

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

Time with my Sweetie at home.

He spent some time cleanin' the ol' garage. A never-ending task that doesn't last long.

I did dishes, washed dog diapers, filled the cat water tower, took the tops off of the beets I pulled a few days ago, and tried to put at least a few things in their proper location (and directed my husband's attention to specific things that belonged in the garage that have been just sitting in the house for ages).

We did chores, then took the truck to the nearby gas station to fill the jerry cans.

We came home, and by then it was around 5 pm, and my husband was going to go to the horse pasture to mow some more, and I'm like..."if we're going to see a movie like we talked about, we have to leave by 6 pm, but it's already 5, don't you want to clean up and eat first?".

So yeah, we went inside and cleaned up and ate first, and we got to town in reasonable time for the show.

We saw "Wildwood", which was quite incredible. It took 16 years to make, it's all stop motion animation, and it's absolutely amazing.

There were a few things with the story that bugged me, but the art of the process is worth seeing on the big screen.

Even more fascinating are the videos on YouTube about the process.

Very beautiful film.

At home we watched some of those videos and chatted before my Sweetie headed to bed.

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

No turds on the floor today!

My back is still bad when I get up, though it improved after some stretches. Not perfect, just better.

Enough that I could go do some house stuff. I did dishes, some laundry, and went outside with the pails of carrots to wash them outside by filling the pails and sloshing the carrots around and changing the water a few times.

They came out pretty clean.

When my husband got home we laid the carrots out on kitchen towels to dry before putting them in the salad fridge (which now contains a lot of carrots. Maybe the salad fridge wasn't such a frivolous purchase after all).

I did also toss all the yucky tomatoes I had "ripening" (rotting) in the mud room. I had them laid out on sheets of cardboard, and they rapidly ripened, then went bad almost instantly. I didn't eat many of them.

Sigh.

What can you do. I'm not too worried about making sauce or canning or anything. I don't eat more than a few tomatoes a week.

Shrug.

We took them out with the normal vegetable waste buildup out to the compost pile.

Then we went for a walk at the park down the road. It was a nice evening for it. Cool but not too cold yet.

We saw two different cats in the now empty camping areas (a walking path goes all around them) at different times. They ran away from us into the bush. I don't know if they are feral cats who live there, or ones that come from a farm to hunt and have a warm barn to go to...? A cat likely wouldn't live too long in the park over winter.

I've never even seen a cat there before, never mind two.

These Thursday walks have been really nice. We end up talking a lot on these walks, and I think it's nice for my husband to do something after work besides eat and go to bed.

We probably will run out of daylight soon, though. The sun sets pretty early as it is.

Then we came home, ate, and watched an episode of "Sopranos".

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

My back was really bugging me today, but I still did some household tidying and displayed the Breyer horses I got by making some room on a cabinet.

I did things like put away clean dishes and refilling the cat water tower and sweeping. By then my back had loosened a bit.

I did outdoor chores, and walked around the pasture with Roxy. It feels very "wild" in the horse pasture since no one is grazing it down (that was dear Hollywood's job, the horse in my icon).

It's about the right time now for my husband to mow the pasture with our rough mower, and it will be nice to be able to walk there more easily.

I will note that by fall, the stars are very bright again. In the summer, you don't see much of the stars because it doesn't really get dark enough. Right now, the sky is dark when I do chores, and we live in a pretty dark area (except for our neighbor's glaring light, which we have spoken to him about, but he hasn't done anything about it. Arrr). It's one of the perks of the shorter days.

Then I went to see River. My back wasn't too bad by then. His shoulder seemed a lot better, which is a relief.

I didn't push it, and worked him moderately. He had a nice, forward walk after we warmed up a bit, and his trot seemed fine.

R says that L used the bigger hoop with Pickles, and it is big enough for him to pass through without ducking.

My Sweetie showed up just to say hello on his way home, and we chatted with R for a while about her new to her saddle.

River was very soft in his back up and yields, which is nice. It was very pretty for riding outside, near twilight and the moon out.

I often see the little neighbor girl, who does take lessons (their yard is right beside the barn property). She plays by herself a lot, and comes up to the fence to see the horses. I wave to her when I'm riding.

Then I went home. My Sweetie made borscht with our garden beets, and it was WONDERFUL.

We watched an episode of "Sopranos".

Last night I watched part of "Arrival", and will hopefully finish it tonight. It is an excellent movie. One of my favorites.

Edit: I saw the orange and white cat outside today. He was sitting on our rail fence, very happily absorbing sun.

I pet him for a while, and he is SO affectionate. He does belong to someone as he is neutered, fat, and content with life. It's fun to see him from time to time.

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

Some time with my Sweetie before leaping into action.

Then we leapt into action.

My Sweetie did the dishes. I started quinoa, then started (later finished) the dense salad for lunches. I washed dog diapers. We folded and put away clothes.

I changed the cat litter and then swept the floors.

My Sweetie found the length of PEX tubing to make a larger hoop for L at the barn.

He also put the screen door back on the North entrance, where it has long been absent.

He pulled more carrots, and you know, I think they grew quite a lot more in the last month or so. They're very sweet, since we had some frosts.

He washed them and put them in the "salad fridge", which has quite a lot of carrots in it right now.

He also pulled some beets.

After chores and such (more picking up things that were displaced for pouring concrete being returned to their places), I headed to the barn.

River was sore today, it seems to be his right shoulder. So we took it easy and didn't do much. Some walking, some massage, some stretching.

L had wanted to do some video today for stuff she posts for the barn page, so it was a little disappointing.

I gave her the larger hoop, and she thinks THIS will be big enough for Pickles to jump through, and I hope it works out.

I tried to hula with it, and actually managed to do it for a while!

Then I came home, and my Sweetie had supper ready (garden veggies!).

We watched an episode of "Sopranos".

Today I am grateful for:

Good sleep.

Doing some of the many small but useful things that need doing. Dishes. Laundry. Hand washing some of my summer clothes to put them away for the winter.

I did chores outside, and tried to clean up some of the plastic shreds from cutting the deck boards (they're made mostly of recycled plastic) on the driveway, but it's pretty tough not to pick up all the gravel when doing so.

I went to the barn to see River. He was very tired and pokey today, and his breathing seemed not great when we started but better by the end of our work. That oddly happens sometimes.

He was still pretty soft today in the back up and yields, even if he didn't have a lot of oomph.

Then I stayed for the young woman's lesson. She was in a funny mood today because she wanted to wear her new mitts at the barn, but her parents said no.

It's a funny situation. This young woman is in her early 20's, and she's smart, but her life of being cared for by her parents makes her seem like she's a teen. I don't know that she would ever be able to look after herself, even though to me she seems intelligent. She doesn't seem emotionally mature, but is that because of how she's been raised?

I wonder if she looks at people like L, who is close to her age, and was a child at the same time (she's been taking lessons for about 8 years now), and is now an adult, and wonders how that happened.

It must be frustrating to have people telling her what she can and can't do, and I wonder if they always SHOULD be telling her what to do.

I worked with Ferrari, and we had a good session. He's a very sweet horse, if almost TOO eager to please.

I came home and my Sweetie had supper ready (Yay!).

We watched a good movie, "Bankers".

I did go out late last night and spend some time in the pottery studio. I had some success with throwing, at least.