Uncomfortable.

I was talking to my trainwreck sister today, and you know, sometimes she can just be odd about making weird sex comments. I never really know what to say when she does this.

Often it's kind of semi-gross things about her own life that I don't need to know about.

Sometimes it's an odd, off-hand comment like "well, make sure you give _ a tug/grope/whatever". Like, we've been together for over 20 years now. We'll figure it out on our own, thanks.

It's also kind of sad that she interprets anything challenging going on in our life to be MAJOR SCARY. I've mentioned our ongoing challenge trying to get the bank to lend us money to finish the addition here. I've mentioned it to this sister, too. Today I told her that we finally got that sorted out with the bank, and she was all "Oh good. I was really worried for you. You sounded right on the edge. How are you and _ doing now?". My husband and I were stressed, but not so much at each other. We weren't fighting with each other over the bank, but we were both frustrated by the situation. I wasn't right on the edge, either. I was certainly tired of the situation, and worried that another summer was going to go by without securing the money to do more work on the house, but I wasn't on the edge.

My sister treats it like every time there's any kind of frustration, that must mean me and my husband are likely just absolutely freaking out at each other ready to call it quits. I feel bad for her, because this says a lot more about her and how her relationships have gone than it does about me.

I recognize that if it were her dealing with all of this, SHE would have been freaking out and on the edge, and simultaneously thinking that it was a serious threat to her relationship.

Then, she says something along the lines of I should make sure I give my husband sex so he knows we're okay. Then she goes on to say if I don't, someone else will give it to him.

First, we weren't fighting. Second, I wasn't withholding any kindness or affection through all of this. We were also still having nice days together. Third, there are other ways to communicate besides "giving him sex".

Again, all of this is more about her than me. Mostly it makes me sad.

Monday, April 5

Today I am grateful for:

A nice, warm day for April.

Spending more time working on leading with the ponies.

I went to town for groceries. I am very grateful to have the means to get good food to eat, and to have enough.

I picked up some hay cubes for Hollywood, found some more DVDs, and got a nice, simple weight bench from the local buy and sell. It was a good price; so many people seem to be trying to get the same price that they paid for them new.