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Dec. 2nd, 2021
December 2
Dec. 2nd, 2021 06:11 pmThis is more about yesterday, since I didn't post. Then there will be a bit about today.
I didn't do much yesterday, other than go to the barn.
I had a good lesson with River. I talked to R about what I saw on that video, about giving him more time to round up properly before asking for a transition, and focusing less on having the transition happen right at a certain time. She agreed that it might help with his anxiety, because we might be making him feel rushed. Yes, he has to make the transition when we cue him, but by waiting until he gets his body right, he can do it better and be less flustered.
The more work I do on my own position, the more I see River being able to carry himself.
I came home and worked on the cards more. The cards themselves are now done, and I need to write in them, address the envelopes, etc.
Today I just feel frustrated and sad again for my Trainwreck sister.
I know that you can't fix other people. There is also ZERO point in me getting invested in her issues, because she does very little to help herself. I could do something really good for her, like help her find a used car, or buy her groceries, but it would never be enough. She's living in a run-down trailer with a huge shop full of stuff. It likely takes all of her money to keep it heated and the power on.
Other people on fixed incomes live in apartments, but she will never be able to do that because of her hoarding. She always has to live in places where no one will care what she does, so that usually means an isolated rural property.
She drinks, I don't know how much, she smokes. She has no things in her life that she enjoys.
She has cats that she feeds, but I never know if having animals has ever brought her happiness. She yells at them and gets angry if they do very normal things like lick the plates she leaves on the counter, or if they want attention.
She needs a better vehicle, and can't afford one. Yet, I know that if she were focused, she could sell things from her hoard and get the money. She's got jewelry, furniture, antiques, all kinds of stuff. She would have to sift through the useless stuff for things worth selling, but she could do it. Her son offered to get her a vehicle (he's a mechanic), but she feels that it's wrong to accept his charity.
Every time I talk to her, she's depressed. I would say she's been depressed most of her life.
She also won't make good choices. Most of the time, when offered decisions, she picks the least beneficial choice. She had three kids all by different shitty men who did nothing to help her with support. She doesn't make the choices to look after herself, or to even be clean and presentable looking. She does strange things like she'll pee in someone's yard and then be mad when they see her. No, they won't call the cops or anything, it's a small town and they know her, but why would you do that? Yes, we all grew up on the farm and peeing outside is pretty normal AT HOME, but not in town! The stupid thing is, there are places in town to pee, like Mom's, my sister N's house, the public library, a restaurant, or even if you just drove for three minutes and peed outside of town.
So if she WERE arrested for peeing in public, then she would have an "indecent exposure" charge. See what I mean about bad choices?
When I talk to her, she has little interest in what I'm doing. If I tell her I can finally go to pottery again, it's like I'm from another planet. She doesn't want to hear about River because "none of that interests her". She can't relate to anyone who has anything positive in their lives. She relates to our other sister who is falling apart.
Part of me want to help her, but how? She would not try to turn that positive thing into a shift in her life. I could get her a used car, and it would help, but she would not use it to make her life better. If I had the money, I could buy her a house in town but it wouldn't make her life better. She would just hoard it up, and drink and be depressed in it instead of her current home.
I could say that her issues stem from being poor, and part of that would be true. If she had ENOUGH money, then she could get a car and see her kids more, and that might be better, but she would also likely drink more and hoard more, and I don't know if she would be happier. I know the first thing she would do, is go buy a house closer to her kids, and not do anything about the hoarded mess she is living in. Then she would hoard up the new place.
It's hard talking to her, because she A) doesn't care about me unless I am miserable about something. Then she likes talking to me. B) is miserable and doesn't relate to positive things C) never seems to see courses of action that might make her life better, and won't do them even when SHE knows it would help. She just keeps making the same bad decisions over and over again.
Even when she talks about wanting to move closer to where her kids live, she doesn't say "to an apartment I can afford where I wouldn't have to do maintenance", but "to an old farmyard outside of town where I can bring my stuff". The same bad decision.
I didn't do much yesterday, other than go to the barn.
I had a good lesson with River. I talked to R about what I saw on that video, about giving him more time to round up properly before asking for a transition, and focusing less on having the transition happen right at a certain time. She agreed that it might help with his anxiety, because we might be making him feel rushed. Yes, he has to make the transition when we cue him, but by waiting until he gets his body right, he can do it better and be less flustered.
The more work I do on my own position, the more I see River being able to carry himself.
I came home and worked on the cards more. The cards themselves are now done, and I need to write in them, address the envelopes, etc.
Today I just feel frustrated and sad again for my Trainwreck sister.
I know that you can't fix other people. There is also ZERO point in me getting invested in her issues, because she does very little to help herself. I could do something really good for her, like help her find a used car, or buy her groceries, but it would never be enough. She's living in a run-down trailer with a huge shop full of stuff. It likely takes all of her money to keep it heated and the power on.
Other people on fixed incomes live in apartments, but she will never be able to do that because of her hoarding. She always has to live in places where no one will care what she does, so that usually means an isolated rural property.
She drinks, I don't know how much, she smokes. She has no things in her life that she enjoys.
She has cats that she feeds, but I never know if having animals has ever brought her happiness. She yells at them and gets angry if they do very normal things like lick the plates she leaves on the counter, or if they want attention.
She needs a better vehicle, and can't afford one. Yet, I know that if she were focused, she could sell things from her hoard and get the money. She's got jewelry, furniture, antiques, all kinds of stuff. She would have to sift through the useless stuff for things worth selling, but she could do it. Her son offered to get her a vehicle (he's a mechanic), but she feels that it's wrong to accept his charity.
Every time I talk to her, she's depressed. I would say she's been depressed most of her life.
She also won't make good choices. Most of the time, when offered decisions, she picks the least beneficial choice. She had three kids all by different shitty men who did nothing to help her with support. She doesn't make the choices to look after herself, or to even be clean and presentable looking. She does strange things like she'll pee in someone's yard and then be mad when they see her. No, they won't call the cops or anything, it's a small town and they know her, but why would you do that? Yes, we all grew up on the farm and peeing outside is pretty normal AT HOME, but not in town! The stupid thing is, there are places in town to pee, like Mom's, my sister N's house, the public library, a restaurant, or even if you just drove for three minutes and peed outside of town.
So if she WERE arrested for peeing in public, then she would have an "indecent exposure" charge. See what I mean about bad choices?
When I talk to her, she has little interest in what I'm doing. If I tell her I can finally go to pottery again, it's like I'm from another planet. She doesn't want to hear about River because "none of that interests her". She can't relate to anyone who has anything positive in their lives. She relates to our other sister who is falling apart.
Part of me want to help her, but how? She would not try to turn that positive thing into a shift in her life. I could get her a used car, and it would help, but she would not use it to make her life better. If I had the money, I could buy her a house in town but it wouldn't make her life better. She would just hoard it up, and drink and be depressed in it instead of her current home.
I could say that her issues stem from being poor, and part of that would be true. If she had ENOUGH money, then she could get a car and see her kids more, and that might be better, but she would also likely drink more and hoard more, and I don't know if she would be happier. I know the first thing she would do, is go buy a house closer to her kids, and not do anything about the hoarded mess she is living in. Then she would hoard up the new place.
It's hard talking to her, because she A) doesn't care about me unless I am miserable about something. Then she likes talking to me. B) is miserable and doesn't relate to positive things C) never seems to see courses of action that might make her life better, and won't do them even when SHE knows it would help. She just keeps making the same bad decisions over and over again.
Even when she talks about wanting to move closer to where her kids live, she doesn't say "to an apartment I can afford where I wouldn't have to do maintenance", but "to an old farmyard outside of town where I can bring my stuff". The same bad decision.