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Friday, December 24
Dec. 25th, 2021 03:43 amToday I am grateful for:
Just a nice, peaceful day.
It was getting colder today, so paying close attention to the outdoor animals and tending to their comfort.
I talked to my sister S today. She is one of the family members that is the Power of Attorney for Mom. We talked a bit about our plans for the holidays and so on, and about Mom. S apparently feels guilty for needing to place Mom in a care home.
I honestly do not understand why people feel so badly about this. If you can check up on them, and visit fairly often, and the care home is reputable, then why feel badly? Mom was at a point in her life where she really could not live in her home, and even if someone could be with her 24/7 it might have been difficult, since Mom's mobility means she has trouble going to the bathroom alone. Yes, being in a care home means being on a schedule and less privacy, but the plus side is that she is eating well (no more boxes of cookies and bags of chips instead of meals) and getting her medication on time (no more free access to Tylenol), and really, by the time your entire life is limited to a path from the bed to a chair, maybe a small room and access to a big public space with activities isn't so bad?
I didn't say anything, but I wondered why my sister wouldn't have also felt guilty for NOT placing Mom somewhere safer, before she fell and cracked her pelvis in October?
Anyhow, I told my sister that she and everyone else in the family helping Mom has done their very best to take care of her at home, and that there is no shame in doing this for her now.
In many ways, I am now grateful for an experience I had many years ago, helping some friends take care of their elderly mother who had Dementia. They too, did their very best to keep her with them in their home, and after only a year had to accept that it was far beyond their ability to do so. I got to see how much a person can change in a year, and how it is NOT a failure to have to place someone in care. People can live a very long time these days, and we have the ability to keep them safer and happier by having care homes. It may seem like a lack of dignity to some, but I think by the time you need this kind of care, you would already have experienced a great loss of dignity and privacy and independence no matter where you lived.
We went to see River today, and I just worked on the groundwork/liberty because it was pretty cold. He did really well today, and stayed focused.
We came home, and watched another episode of "The Queen's Gambit", and then a movie (Venom, which really was pretty formulaic though the effects were good).
Then my husband made a bunch of calls to his family, including an aunt who is home recuperating from quite a serious heart surgery. I think she was quite glad to hear from him.
I put some decorations on our tree, and the cats are leaving them alone.
I am having a pretty tough time feeling Christmas-y. This will be the third year due to Covid, that we don't even spend time at other people's houses over the holidays. I don't feel BAD about the holidays. We do have some gifts, and at least put up some lights outside and have a tree, and that isn't so bad, but maybe it just isn't that festive.
On the other hand, I really like not feeling a great deal of pressure to try and be home for the holidays any more (years ago we both decided we weren't going to make the huge drive home anymore), there is no stress about buying gifts, no big push for decorating or cleaning the house for guests, no exhaustion from all the effort of everything, having our own schedule, and not feeling forced into being social for the whole holiday season.
I don't miss having all the stress we used to have trying to get home (when we lived in Wyoming it took us 24 hours of solid driving, from here it is about 17, and for a few years I tried taking a bus and that was so inconvenient and it still took over 17 hours plus still needing a ride from the city to get to Mom's house), trying to get someone to watch the animals, trying to get to see my family and my husband's family, but I do miss the one big family meal we always had at Mom's. If it weren't for always having a huge drive, it would be nice to just have the one big meal with everyone. We used to have about 25 people in the house on Boxing Day. When I was a kid, everyone used to come home and spend a few days at Mom's, and there would be people in every room sleeping on the floor and on the couches. We would sit around and talk and play cards for days. I would take all the kids outside to play in the snow and go tobogganing.
What I truly look forward to, is the longer days. By about the end of January, I already notice the difference. December for me, is kind of "hump month" for winter, though it is still more or less winter right to the end of April.
Just a nice, peaceful day.
It was getting colder today, so paying close attention to the outdoor animals and tending to their comfort.
I talked to my sister S today. She is one of the family members that is the Power of Attorney for Mom. We talked a bit about our plans for the holidays and so on, and about Mom. S apparently feels guilty for needing to place Mom in a care home.
I honestly do not understand why people feel so badly about this. If you can check up on them, and visit fairly often, and the care home is reputable, then why feel badly? Mom was at a point in her life where she really could not live in her home, and even if someone could be with her 24/7 it might have been difficult, since Mom's mobility means she has trouble going to the bathroom alone. Yes, being in a care home means being on a schedule and less privacy, but the plus side is that she is eating well (no more boxes of cookies and bags of chips instead of meals) and getting her medication on time (no more free access to Tylenol), and really, by the time your entire life is limited to a path from the bed to a chair, maybe a small room and access to a big public space with activities isn't so bad?
I didn't say anything, but I wondered why my sister wouldn't have also felt guilty for NOT placing Mom somewhere safer, before she fell and cracked her pelvis in October?
Anyhow, I told my sister that she and everyone else in the family helping Mom has done their very best to take care of her at home, and that there is no shame in doing this for her now.
In many ways, I am now grateful for an experience I had many years ago, helping some friends take care of their elderly mother who had Dementia. They too, did their very best to keep her with them in their home, and after only a year had to accept that it was far beyond their ability to do so. I got to see how much a person can change in a year, and how it is NOT a failure to have to place someone in care. People can live a very long time these days, and we have the ability to keep them safer and happier by having care homes. It may seem like a lack of dignity to some, but I think by the time you need this kind of care, you would already have experienced a great loss of dignity and privacy and independence no matter where you lived.
We went to see River today, and I just worked on the groundwork/liberty because it was pretty cold. He did really well today, and stayed focused.
We came home, and watched another episode of "The Queen's Gambit", and then a movie (Venom, which really was pretty formulaic though the effects were good).
Then my husband made a bunch of calls to his family, including an aunt who is home recuperating from quite a serious heart surgery. I think she was quite glad to hear from him.
I put some decorations on our tree, and the cats are leaving them alone.
I am having a pretty tough time feeling Christmas-y. This will be the third year due to Covid, that we don't even spend time at other people's houses over the holidays. I don't feel BAD about the holidays. We do have some gifts, and at least put up some lights outside and have a tree, and that isn't so bad, but maybe it just isn't that festive.
On the other hand, I really like not feeling a great deal of pressure to try and be home for the holidays any more (years ago we both decided we weren't going to make the huge drive home anymore), there is no stress about buying gifts, no big push for decorating or cleaning the house for guests, no exhaustion from all the effort of everything, having our own schedule, and not feeling forced into being social for the whole holiday season.
I don't miss having all the stress we used to have trying to get home (when we lived in Wyoming it took us 24 hours of solid driving, from here it is about 17, and for a few years I tried taking a bus and that was so inconvenient and it still took over 17 hours plus still needing a ride from the city to get to Mom's house), trying to get someone to watch the animals, trying to get to see my family and my husband's family, but I do miss the one big family meal we always had at Mom's. If it weren't for always having a huge drive, it would be nice to just have the one big meal with everyone. We used to have about 25 people in the house on Boxing Day. When I was a kid, everyone used to come home and spend a few days at Mom's, and there would be people in every room sleeping on the floor and on the couches. We would sit around and talk and play cards for days. I would take all the kids outside to play in the snow and go tobogganing.
What I truly look forward to, is the longer days. By about the end of January, I already notice the difference. December for me, is kind of "hump month" for winter, though it is still more or less winter right to the end of April.
