gottawonder (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gottawonder) wrote2025-06-09 10:11 pm
gottawonder) wrote2025-06-09 10:11 pm
Monday, June 9
Today I am grateful for:
Being finally home again.
For a pretty good week at home, though it was for my Mom's funeral service. One thing about it, is that it truly was a celebration of life, for a woman who lived to be 95 years old and was cared for very well in her last years. She was not alone, and very loved by family.
I did have a bit of stress getting to the airport last Thursday, as I hadn't flown for years, and I'm a bit rusty about the whole process. I missed my exit to the airport, had to go back around to get back on the right road, and that wasted some time.
Then I got into the check in line, and it simply didn't move for almost half an hour, making me feel like I might truly miss the cutoff time for boarding. I ended up going to the priority check in, told them I needed to catch my flight, and they got me through, but then I had no idea where the security gate was or anything, because I didn't know the layout of the airport, and I had to ask MORE people, and so on and so forth, but I did get on my flight in time.
The flight itself was good, I sat next to a very nice woman and we chatted quite a bit, though she lacked an "inside voice".
My brother in law "Fred" picked me up, and I spent the first night at his and my sister E's house, which was great. I had been to their home a few years ago, when they lived on an acreage, but they moved to this house in town not quite a year ago. It's got a gorgeous yard, they are on a quiet dead end street that ends with a farmer's field.
I walked with Sister E and her sweet senior dog on a lovely path by a sleepy little river with some pretty bridges.
The next day Sister E, her son R, and I drove three hours to my Sister L's place, which is within the region we think of as "home". It's close to our family farm.
I haven't been that close with Sister L for a very long time. Part of that is I grew up being afraid of her husband (she was an adult when I was born, and I spent time at her house playing with her children, and her husband was a scary alcoholic at that time). I never felt very comfortable around him, even though he since stopped drinking, there was always that childhood fear and dislike.
This husband did pass away a few years ago, and while I did visit her at her house a few times, I never exactly felt sure that I could ever stay at her place, or if she was even okay with me asking to stay there, since she had become somewhat reclusive.
My Sister E has a good relationship with Sister L, and by going there with Sister E, it was kind of a bridge that helped me feel more comfortable. It ended up being just fine staying there, and we did a bit of crafts together that night.
The next day was the funeral, and we were all ready to go, and an ugly bank of clouds with some wind swept in just as we were getting ready to drive. Sister L is not a very confident person anymore, and while I probably wouldn't have been deterred by the storm, she was almost ready to just stay home, and I was texting with my Brother T to see if he would come get me...but Sister L found some courage and got on the road. We were just fine.
The service did get moved to the community center (in the now almost extinct small prairie town near the farm) to get out of the wind. Almost all of our family was there right on time, but not Trainwreck.
Of course not Trainwreck. She and the adult son that brought her made all of us wait for an HOUR. The man from the funeral home who was conducting the service did have another service that day too, and we were all worried that he would have to leave soon.
Then, when she did arrive, I heard people saying that she was here, but then why wasn't she in the room with us...? SHE WAS STANDING IN THE HALL TALKING WITH HER KIDS!!!!
I had to go out there and did my best not to yell at her to get into the room and SIT THE HECK DOWN.
The service was simple, not very religious, but a wonderful, honest tribute to our Mom as a full human being. We did not fall back on "she was so NICE, and everyone liked her". No, a few of us got up and talked about specific events or aspects of her personality that made her so unique.
Mom was ahead of her time, keeping property in her own name, and running the farm in a level headed active manner after Dad died. She was well-spoken and well-read, though she was raised in the country with an eighth grade education. She was very open minded for a person from her era, accepting our many strange friends, lovers, partners over the years, never being critical of our bizarre life choices.
Yes, she cooked well, ran the house and the farm, and did a lot of sewing and quilting and crocheting and made many crafty things. She also had such a strong, intelligent mind and was very thoughtful about her opinions without forcing them on other people.
I know she loved animals, but that love was often not allowed to be expressed fully, as a farm is a farm, and people from her generation were forced to be rational and practical.
She enjoyed traveling, though she didn't get to do very much of it with the demands of farm and family, but she notably went to Georgia to see where our friends, the dog trainers, lived. These were people who worked with bird dogs, training them for wealthy clients, to point at grassland birds for the dog trials in Georgia. They came to Canada to train in the summer because it was too hot in Georgia to do so. Then the dogs were ready to compete in the fall and winter in Georgia.
She also went to Sturgis (a giant biker rally) in South Dakota with my Sister P, after her husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. It was a way for both of them to honor and grieve his death.
She did do other travels within Canada, mostly in Alberta and British Columbia.
I talked about how she gave some of us (the four of us still at home after Dad died were almost like a different family) a heifer, and from that one heifer we either saved it's heifer calves, or sold it if it was a bull calf, thus teaching us about farming, husbandry, and money management. I thought it was very progressive that she did this with the girls as well as the boys.
There were a few neighbors who came for the tea afterwards, not not that many. Most of Mom's closest friends have already passed, or are too frail to be expected to come.
The weather had improved enough that we could go to the cemetery close by to bury half of her ashes with Dad. It was a tiny bit awkward, in that we had done all of the formal service in the community center, and had nothing formal left to say.
Then we regrouped after a while (everyone changed clothes) to disperse the rest of Mom's ashes on a wildlife management area directly across from the family farm. She did this, I know, because it is entirely possible that our family farm won't stay in our family's name much longer. By having her ashes on this wildlife area, we would still be able to go there to visit her.
My brother had mowed a path out to a tree not too far from the road.
We all started a somewhat informal but oddly majestic procession from the farmyard, up the long lane, and across the road to this tree. There are a lot of us, and it was older folks, all the younger adults, and lots and lots of little kids, and a few babies all walking together towards the setting sun.
Seeing nearly our entire family together is an awe inspiring thing.
Again, it was not a formal moment, but very charged with emotion, as my Brother T let her ashes blow out into the tall grass around this tree.
There was more family time at the farm, and I did walk for a while at the farm.
Sister E and I spent the night at Sister L's again, which was nice.
So, the last time I came home (a week or so ago) I stayed with Brother T and his wife, and this time with Sister L. I haven't felt comfortable staying with them before, and I dearly hope that going forward, I might be able to do so with them. I felt like I got to know them better than maybe I ever have as an adult.
Before, I always stayed with Mom, and after Mom was in the care home this last couple of years, I got a hotel room because I really didn't know if I could ask to stay with other family nearby, it just felt like I hadn't had that kind of relationship with them as an adult.
Then on Sunday, Sister E and her son R and I went back to Sister E's, another three hour drive.
R had to continue on to his home in the city.
I ended up going for an epic walk around Sister E's pretty town, and I really needed that time. I was feeling kind of overwhelmed by so much socializing. I'm a person who spends quite a lot of my time alone, or just with my husband. I'm not used to being with a giant horde of family feeling very intense feelings for days on end. It's wonderful, but it's a lot.
Sister E and I watched a very "heartwarming" movie called "Nonnas" together before heading to bed.
Today I got up in good time (somehow, since Mom passed, my sleeping schedule is different. I have no idea if I can maintain this, but I must admit being closer to how the general world time clock operates is convenient).
My brother in law Fred and I had some time before we had to leave, so we talked and looked at pictures from their big trip to Germany a few years ago. Germany is where his parents came from, and he has family there.
Then he drove me to the airport, we had lots of time, this time there was no stress or confusion at the airport (this one is a lot smaller than the one in Alberta I left from) and he knew where I needed to go to check in and so on.
We had a bite to eat, then it was close enough for my departure time for me to go through security and get to my gate, and the timing was perfect. Not too early to feel super bored, not too late that I was stressed.
The flight was great, and I had the row to myself.
At the big airport on this end, I at least now had more of an idea of the layout, and was able to get my bag and find the shuttle out to parking just fine. I even picked up some "Cookies by George" as a present for my Sweetie.
Then I was so happy to be in my little car, feeling a bit more like an adult after five days of depending on others for transportation, and headed home.
My Sweetie was already in bed though I gently let him know I was home, but I got lots of attention from the animals.
Being home with the WHOLE family there really does feel epic, like some kind of James Michener novel. There is a tremendous amount of energy when we are together, a HUGE amount of loving energy. Everyone hugs, everyone tells stories, we meet the babies and try to figure out who all the partners are now (they don't all stay the same), and these days we feel the spaces left by those who are no longer here.
Somehow, all of our different personalities make room for each other. Some of my family really are kind of tragic situations; people whose personal problems can sometimes create a barrier to really wanting to avoid being enmeshed with their situations, but when we get together we just let that go for the time.
There were something like fifty or sixty people that are all direct family together that day! We actually do try to get together every year for May long weekend, as many as can manage, and then there are one or two other weekends that we try to gather (I usually can't make those if I come for May Long), and they try to gather close to Christmas. It really is something.
Being finally home again.
For a pretty good week at home, though it was for my Mom's funeral service. One thing about it, is that it truly was a celebration of life, for a woman who lived to be 95 years old and was cared for very well in her last years. She was not alone, and very loved by family.
I did have a bit of stress getting to the airport last Thursday, as I hadn't flown for years, and I'm a bit rusty about the whole process. I missed my exit to the airport, had to go back around to get back on the right road, and that wasted some time.
Then I got into the check in line, and it simply didn't move for almost half an hour, making me feel like I might truly miss the cutoff time for boarding. I ended up going to the priority check in, told them I needed to catch my flight, and they got me through, but then I had no idea where the security gate was or anything, because I didn't know the layout of the airport, and I had to ask MORE people, and so on and so forth, but I did get on my flight in time.
The flight itself was good, I sat next to a very nice woman and we chatted quite a bit, though she lacked an "inside voice".
My brother in law "Fred" picked me up, and I spent the first night at his and my sister E's house, which was great. I had been to their home a few years ago, when they lived on an acreage, but they moved to this house in town not quite a year ago. It's got a gorgeous yard, they are on a quiet dead end street that ends with a farmer's field.
I walked with Sister E and her sweet senior dog on a lovely path by a sleepy little river with some pretty bridges.
The next day Sister E, her son R, and I drove three hours to my Sister L's place, which is within the region we think of as "home". It's close to our family farm.
I haven't been that close with Sister L for a very long time. Part of that is I grew up being afraid of her husband (she was an adult when I was born, and I spent time at her house playing with her children, and her husband was a scary alcoholic at that time). I never felt very comfortable around him, even though he since stopped drinking, there was always that childhood fear and dislike.
This husband did pass away a few years ago, and while I did visit her at her house a few times, I never exactly felt sure that I could ever stay at her place, or if she was even okay with me asking to stay there, since she had become somewhat reclusive.
My Sister E has a good relationship with Sister L, and by going there with Sister E, it was kind of a bridge that helped me feel more comfortable. It ended up being just fine staying there, and we did a bit of crafts together that night.
The next day was the funeral, and we were all ready to go, and an ugly bank of clouds with some wind swept in just as we were getting ready to drive. Sister L is not a very confident person anymore, and while I probably wouldn't have been deterred by the storm, she was almost ready to just stay home, and I was texting with my Brother T to see if he would come get me...but Sister L found some courage and got on the road. We were just fine.
The service did get moved to the community center (in the now almost extinct small prairie town near the farm) to get out of the wind. Almost all of our family was there right on time, but not Trainwreck.
Of course not Trainwreck. She and the adult son that brought her made all of us wait for an HOUR. The man from the funeral home who was conducting the service did have another service that day too, and we were all worried that he would have to leave soon.
Then, when she did arrive, I heard people saying that she was here, but then why wasn't she in the room with us...? SHE WAS STANDING IN THE HALL TALKING WITH HER KIDS!!!!
I had to go out there and did my best not to yell at her to get into the room and SIT THE HECK DOWN.
The service was simple, not very religious, but a wonderful, honest tribute to our Mom as a full human being. We did not fall back on "she was so NICE, and everyone liked her". No, a few of us got up and talked about specific events or aspects of her personality that made her so unique.
Mom was ahead of her time, keeping property in her own name, and running the farm in a level headed active manner after Dad died. She was well-spoken and well-read, though she was raised in the country with an eighth grade education. She was very open minded for a person from her era, accepting our many strange friends, lovers, partners over the years, never being critical of our bizarre life choices.
Yes, she cooked well, ran the house and the farm, and did a lot of sewing and quilting and crocheting and made many crafty things. She also had such a strong, intelligent mind and was very thoughtful about her opinions without forcing them on other people.
I know she loved animals, but that love was often not allowed to be expressed fully, as a farm is a farm, and people from her generation were forced to be rational and practical.
She enjoyed traveling, though she didn't get to do very much of it with the demands of farm and family, but she notably went to Georgia to see where our friends, the dog trainers, lived. These were people who worked with bird dogs, training them for wealthy clients, to point at grassland birds for the dog trials in Georgia. They came to Canada to train in the summer because it was too hot in Georgia to do so. Then the dogs were ready to compete in the fall and winter in Georgia.
She also went to Sturgis (a giant biker rally) in South Dakota with my Sister P, after her husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. It was a way for both of them to honor and grieve his death.
She did do other travels within Canada, mostly in Alberta and British Columbia.
I talked about how she gave some of us (the four of us still at home after Dad died were almost like a different family) a heifer, and from that one heifer we either saved it's heifer calves, or sold it if it was a bull calf, thus teaching us about farming, husbandry, and money management. I thought it was very progressive that she did this with the girls as well as the boys.
There were a few neighbors who came for the tea afterwards, not not that many. Most of Mom's closest friends have already passed, or are too frail to be expected to come.
The weather had improved enough that we could go to the cemetery close by to bury half of her ashes with Dad. It was a tiny bit awkward, in that we had done all of the formal service in the community center, and had nothing formal left to say.
Then we regrouped after a while (everyone changed clothes) to disperse the rest of Mom's ashes on a wildlife management area directly across from the family farm. She did this, I know, because it is entirely possible that our family farm won't stay in our family's name much longer. By having her ashes on this wildlife area, we would still be able to go there to visit her.
My brother had mowed a path out to a tree not too far from the road.
We all started a somewhat informal but oddly majestic procession from the farmyard, up the long lane, and across the road to this tree. There are a lot of us, and it was older folks, all the younger adults, and lots and lots of little kids, and a few babies all walking together towards the setting sun.
Seeing nearly our entire family together is an awe inspiring thing.
Again, it was not a formal moment, but very charged with emotion, as my Brother T let her ashes blow out into the tall grass around this tree.
There was more family time at the farm, and I did walk for a while at the farm.
Sister E and I spent the night at Sister L's again, which was nice.
So, the last time I came home (a week or so ago) I stayed with Brother T and his wife, and this time with Sister L. I haven't felt comfortable staying with them before, and I dearly hope that going forward, I might be able to do so with them. I felt like I got to know them better than maybe I ever have as an adult.
Before, I always stayed with Mom, and after Mom was in the care home this last couple of years, I got a hotel room because I really didn't know if I could ask to stay with other family nearby, it just felt like I hadn't had that kind of relationship with them as an adult.
Then on Sunday, Sister E and her son R and I went back to Sister E's, another three hour drive.
R had to continue on to his home in the city.
I ended up going for an epic walk around Sister E's pretty town, and I really needed that time. I was feeling kind of overwhelmed by so much socializing. I'm a person who spends quite a lot of my time alone, or just with my husband. I'm not used to being with a giant horde of family feeling very intense feelings for days on end. It's wonderful, but it's a lot.
Sister E and I watched a very "heartwarming" movie called "Nonnas" together before heading to bed.
Today I got up in good time (somehow, since Mom passed, my sleeping schedule is different. I have no idea if I can maintain this, but I must admit being closer to how the general world time clock operates is convenient).
My brother in law Fred and I had some time before we had to leave, so we talked and looked at pictures from their big trip to Germany a few years ago. Germany is where his parents came from, and he has family there.
Then he drove me to the airport, we had lots of time, this time there was no stress or confusion at the airport (this one is a lot smaller than the one in Alberta I left from) and he knew where I needed to go to check in and so on.
We had a bite to eat, then it was close enough for my departure time for me to go through security and get to my gate, and the timing was perfect. Not too early to feel super bored, not too late that I was stressed.
The flight was great, and I had the row to myself.
At the big airport on this end, I at least now had more of an idea of the layout, and was able to get my bag and find the shuttle out to parking just fine. I even picked up some "Cookies by George" as a present for my Sweetie.
Then I was so happy to be in my little car, feeling a bit more like an adult after five days of depending on others for transportation, and headed home.
My Sweetie was already in bed though I gently let him know I was home, but I got lots of attention from the animals.
Being home with the WHOLE family there really does feel epic, like some kind of James Michener novel. There is a tremendous amount of energy when we are together, a HUGE amount of loving energy. Everyone hugs, everyone tells stories, we meet the babies and try to figure out who all the partners are now (they don't all stay the same), and these days we feel the spaces left by those who are no longer here.
Somehow, all of our different personalities make room for each other. Some of my family really are kind of tragic situations; people whose personal problems can sometimes create a barrier to really wanting to avoid being enmeshed with their situations, but when we get together we just let that go for the time.
There were something like fifty or sixty people that are all direct family together that day! We actually do try to get together every year for May long weekend, as many as can manage, and then there are one or two other weekends that we try to gather (I usually can't make those if I come for May Long), and they try to gather close to Christmas. It really is something.
no subject
no subject
Yes, it was very good to see everyone. It was not a horribly grim event, a bit sad and wistful, but loving more than anything else.
no subject
no subject