Friday, April 3

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

The time I've been able to spend with my dear little goat, who died peacefully today. We called her Nanny, though we had another goat we also called Nanny. She was thin this winter, and I've been taking extra care with her, bringing her into the heated garage when it was too cold for her. A few days ago, I went to feed the animals outside, and she fell down and couldn't get up. She hadn't broken anything, she was just weak. I carried her back to the garage, where she was warm and comfortable, though she couldn't get up any more. I made her warm soaked hay cubes, bananas, and her favorite horse cookies, and though I could tell she was dying, she was comfortable and did not seem to be in any pain. She was bright and alert, was still eating a bit and drinking, and had no issues with elimination. I made the difficult decision not to take her to the vet, because in the past, vets here have had few answers for goat illnesses. Two other goats over the years had similar symptoms, and I did tons of tests and went to a few vets, and got no answers. Just put them through the stress of going to the vets. The vets couldn't even tell me if it was just normal old age. If she had seemed distressed or in pain, I would have taken her in to be put down, but she seemed very content to just sit and be petted. I spent quite a lot of time with her, just sitting with her and feeding her treats and listening to the radio together.

When I went in to feed her today, she was lying with her head down, and I knew this was it. She went very peacefully, she more or less just stopped breathing and died.

She had 12 years with us, and was about 14 years old. She didn't have any other health issues and had a very peaceful life.

Though I am sad that she is gone, I don't feel anguished, because I know she had a good life with us. Very few goats in this world get to have a safe, comfortable life with regular food, a warm shed, friends, room to roam around, and affection. The hardest part of loving animals and having so many of them, is knowing that the natural conclusion for all of them is death; as it is for us all.

I did go ahead and ride River today, because I otherwise would have just sat in my chair and cried all day, and maybe I've done enough of that lately. I needed to do something life-affirming in the midst of all this turmoil and loss.

We had a good ride, he actually bent properly to the left, which is something he struggles with a lot, he was forward, and even seemed to give better to the collection today. I'm glad I went, because riding has been one thing that remains from my normal routines pre-Covid, even if there's no one else around most of the time now.

That my sweetie is home. His presence is comforting, and at least I'm not alone.