Monday, April 20

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Continued lovely weather, and lots of snow melting.

Being able to spend time with the horses, ponies, and goats outside. I took the ponies and goats to their larger pen for most of the afternoon, and Dandy ran around like crazy, bucking and farting.

A phone conversation with my "trainwreck" sister that wasn't TOO off the rails. She has had a male friend (not romantic) living with her this winter, and it sounded like he was good company for her, gave her a reason to get out of bed, she had to cook for him every night and had someone to watch movies with, and he helped her take care of things like hauling water and so on. Now, for whatever reason, she's decided she's sick of him, is tired of cooking for him, and is tired of him being so predictable and just coming home and watching a movie and going to bed. She wants him gone, but I think that if she's going to stay in that rat hole of a trailer in the arm pit of nowhere, she should try to live with the situation. He's been helpful, he gives her company, and he's the only person who would even know if she's okay out there by herself. I wonder what the real reason for her wanting him gone might be. Either he won't sleep with her, or she won't sleep with him, or he's going to AA again, and wants her to go too, or maybe just because it's warm enough outside that she wants to run around naked like she normally does. Who knows.

My sweetie picked up groceries on his way home from work so that I don't have to, and he got a Brita filter because our well water sometimes tastes a little boggy in the spring.

I spent some time pulling more nails from some boards my sweetie wants to keep, and while I was doing so, a little tiny weasel was popping out and watching me! It was SO TINY!! Like a long mouse or something. It would pop up from behind something, watch me for a minute, then disappear and pop out somewhere else. I don't know if it was a baby, or just a very, very small adult weasel, but it was comically small, like a finger puppet. It was adorable, and I wanted so very much to be it's friend.

A short phone conversation with my Mom, and also with a friend of mine that I haven't talked to for months and months. I was sort of waiting to see if she would ever call me again, and I guess she won't. I called her out of boredom, and because I like her, but it saddens me that I think the last three times I've spoken with her, there were months between each call, and I think I called her each time. Yet, she always seems happy to talk with me, and is in no hurry to get off the line.

It's strange to me that if I think of every day being my "stay home days", I can almost pretend that things are normal. I used to have a day or two out of every week where I wouldn't go anywhere and just putter around at home, and now, with the exception of going to the riding barn, EVERY day is just stay home and putter around. This is not horrible, but I really miss going into the city every week or so to shop and have a supper out, to go to the art gallery or the book store. There's a strange sense of days being kind of all the same day, again and again. I am VERY grateful to have some space around me to walk with Roxy, to be able to go outside with the animals, to be doing okay overall. If one must isolate, this isn't such a bad place to do it. There is still a very alien quality to being isolated like this. I thought I was isolated before!