Sunday, November 29

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

More nice weather.

Walking around the horse pasture with Roxy. I love the big, full moon right now.

A good phone conversation with my Mom. She seems okay. I'm sure she's really bored, as many of us are right now, but she seems in good spirits.

Doing a bit of tidying and such in my "closet" room upstairs. I put together a shoe rack that I've had for months and didn't set up. Then I moved the shoes around a bit. I hand washed a white linen dress.

Then I worked on my Christmas cards some more while watching "The Fountain".

I found out, via a slip-up comment on Facebook, that my oft-troubled niece was pregnant this summer, and had lost the baby at four months. I knew she was very depressed lately, but I thought it was because a friend of hers had died in a car crash. This DOES kind of explain the rash of enigmatic posts about missing someone who is gone, etc. That said, it bothers me how she has a lot going on her life, but doesn't reach out to anyone, THEN just posts endlessly about how awful everything is, and maybe even hinting that she doesn't want to live any more, or how no one cares about her, but she doesn't say what's going on. I don't really get it, because she seems to have tons of close friends, family who care about her, and so on. From here, it seems to me like she has lots of people to talk to. Maybe she wants all the pain to be gone, and talking won't do that for her quickly enough. It's hard to explain that many people never really get over pain, but sort of keep going on with that pain as a new part of living.

She really wasn't in a great place to have a child. She's 19, doesn't have a job, not in a committed relationship, things are pretty uncertain for her, she's had a lot of emotional issues for most of her life, has substance abuse issues, no direction, and she's always seemed immature to me. I'm sorry that she lost her baby, but part of me feels like it wasn't the right time for her.