Thursday, September 23

Today I am grateful for:

Though it was a cool day, still sunny.

That I didn't screw up and forget about my farrier appointment tomorrow. I almost did, but I did remember. I've been so busy and emotionally overloaded lately I just wasn't thinking even a day ahead anymore.

Today I chewed my husband out, because he invited his parents to our house while they're out here for Uncle K's funeral. He didn't even ask me first, just "informed" me after making arrangements, then he got to play the victim by pretending he didn't realize he wasn't supposed to invite them here AT ALL. He thought that it was okay because they weren't staying overnight after all! So he thought it was okay not to ask me first either. I'm pretty fucking pissed off about it, and I told him so, because he is simply too weak to do the right thing for ME.

For those who need to be brought up to speed: my husband's Dad behaves in a creepy manner towards me, brushing against me and pretending it's an accident, telling gross stories and jokes that are sexist and uncomfortable, and doing things like pulling his pants down to demonstrate...I don't even know what. His Mom basically walks into my house and starts acting like she's the hostess in her own home, and cleaning the kitchen, and basically orchestrating whatever we are going to do. In our house.

I don't want them in my house. They don't bother me as much on neutral ground, like someone else's house or in a restaurant, but I am DONE just putting up with them, and my husband thinking they're just the greatest people in the world. He doesn't even really understand why I have a problem with them. Doesn't every Mom just walk into people's homes and start ordering them around? When they last stayed here a few years ago, we were in complete disarray trying to move from the soon to be demolished trailer into the old house and shit was just in boxes everywhere, and she demanded that I go find a table cloth and napkins for supper. Then proceeded to demand fresh ones for the next meal.

So, my plan is just to leave. Isn't that nice? My husband will not tell them that he made a mistake, and that it won't work to come out. I have to leave for the afternoon. He's put out that I am upset that they are coming, and is playing victim. I told him that he could always confront his parents about their asshole behavior instead of making me out to be the bad guy, which he declined.

So, he's literally just broken a promise to me, and saying "sure, I get what you're feeling, but I'm supposed to never have my parents here?". And he invited them without clearing it with me.

The rest of the day was spent pulling nails out of the boards salvaged to be used in our addition.

Lovely.

My gratitudes: Mostly for my animals, natural beauty, and for any small break in this endless shit show.

Update: Last night I said it was stupid for me to leave the house for his parents. It's half mine! So, I said they couldn't come. After a long time, he agreed.

So, today I said that what I needed out of this, is to feel in control and supported. The mistake he made with all of this is to just "let me know they're coming". He should have asked me first, and let his parents understand that the visit would require my consent, and THEIR GOOD BEHAVIOR.

I said they could come for a SHORT VISIT after the funeral, not stay over night, but that if I needed my husband to back me up if his parents start pushing my boundaries by either acting gross (his Dad) or going through my cupboards or taking charge of things (his Mom).

What has always bothered me before, is that I would literally try to stop his Dad from telling some gross story, and his Dad would just keep going, and my husband wouldn't step in. Same with his Mom just walking in and doing my dishes or starting supper, or setting up a Keurig in our kitchen for herself. I got upset but I got no support from my husband.

SO, I said if I need to correct your parents, you'd better back me up. He should have been doing this all along, and it sucks that you have to have a fight over something like this, but my husband is a people pleaser, and he would NEVER say anything to his parents. Now, either he has my back or he loses all parent privileges at our house.