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Tuesday, January 7
Jan. 8th, 2025 03:09 amToday I am grateful for:
MUCH nicer weather.
Waking up to sweet animal snuggles.
I did talk with Trainwreck, and though I don't think she was trying to push any buttons, she is just so relentlessly negative. I understand a bit that being very physically weak and often ill leaves her with little joy, and likely no vision of a future, but that's literally all there is left to talk about with her.
She doesn't seem to have felt well enough to do anything. Not walk in the hallways of her building, not do any cleaning or go outside. I have no way of knowing if that is true or not. There are times when she will say things like "all I've done is sleep for a week" and then mention going shopping or doing something else,...I don't doubt that she's not feeling well (she hasn't for about the last five years) but a person's mood can't get better either if they don't TRY to scrape themselves off of the floor and at least go outside for a breath of fresh air.
So after the supreme bummer of talking with her, I talked with Sister E who is over ten years older than Trainwreck but is in better shape, and still has a positive outlook on life. She talked about getting out and walking the dog, making a point of getting to the local fitness center now that holidays are over, and planning a trip with her husband to Arizona soon.
I did chores, and got some laundry started, and headed to the barn.
My Sweetie met me at the barn when he was done work/getting groceries. We chatted a fair bit with R who worked at the same time in the arena for about 15 minutes or so, and a bit with her husband K.
It struck me again how people like R and K are just more positive people in general, and how different it feels to be around them. Trainwreck has NEVER BEEN a positive person. There are times when she has maybe been happier or had better health, but she never had a positive outlook on life, was always looking for the "catch" or the darkness in everything, and also never took responsibility for herself in terms of "how can things improve".
I'm very glad I get to be around more positive people, to have them as an example and to model myself after them where possible.
River and I had a decent session. Good with ground work, I stood up again and made an effort to lift my head instead of looking down. Riding was a bit of an afterthought today, though we did.
Then we came home, ate, and watched the original "Fargo". Good lord, the actors were all SO YOUNG in this!
I worked on a painting that I had started a while ago and couldn't quite figure out what it needed to be finished, so I tackled it again and I like it a lot better now.
I am grateful for "me", if that makes sense. I haven't always been the best version of myself, and maybe I'm never going to be, but I've done okay given what I had to start with. I've tried to remain open-minded and caring without being a pushover, and tried to accept responsibility for making my life better and to appreciate that there are good things in life.
I try not to waste it all on being wrapped up in the past, or too afraid of the future to enjoy the present.
MUCH nicer weather.
Waking up to sweet animal snuggles.
I did talk with Trainwreck, and though I don't think she was trying to push any buttons, she is just so relentlessly negative. I understand a bit that being very physically weak and often ill leaves her with little joy, and likely no vision of a future, but that's literally all there is left to talk about with her.
She doesn't seem to have felt well enough to do anything. Not walk in the hallways of her building, not do any cleaning or go outside. I have no way of knowing if that is true or not. There are times when she will say things like "all I've done is sleep for a week" and then mention going shopping or doing something else,...I don't doubt that she's not feeling well (she hasn't for about the last five years) but a person's mood can't get better either if they don't TRY to scrape themselves off of the floor and at least go outside for a breath of fresh air.
So after the supreme bummer of talking with her, I talked with Sister E who is over ten years older than Trainwreck but is in better shape, and still has a positive outlook on life. She talked about getting out and walking the dog, making a point of getting to the local fitness center now that holidays are over, and planning a trip with her husband to Arizona soon.
I did chores, and got some laundry started, and headed to the barn.
My Sweetie met me at the barn when he was done work/getting groceries. We chatted a fair bit with R who worked at the same time in the arena for about 15 minutes or so, and a bit with her husband K.
It struck me again how people like R and K are just more positive people in general, and how different it feels to be around them. Trainwreck has NEVER BEEN a positive person. There are times when she has maybe been happier or had better health, but she never had a positive outlook on life, was always looking for the "catch" or the darkness in everything, and also never took responsibility for herself in terms of "how can things improve".
I'm very glad I get to be around more positive people, to have them as an example and to model myself after them where possible.
River and I had a decent session. Good with ground work, I stood up again and made an effort to lift my head instead of looking down. Riding was a bit of an afterthought today, though we did.
Then we came home, ate, and watched the original "Fargo". Good lord, the actors were all SO YOUNG in this!
I worked on a painting that I had started a while ago and couldn't quite figure out what it needed to be finished, so I tackled it again and I like it a lot better now.
I am grateful for "me", if that makes sense. I haven't always been the best version of myself, and maybe I'm never going to be, but I've done okay given what I had to start with. I've tried to remain open-minded and caring without being a pushover, and tried to accept responsibility for making my life better and to appreciate that there are good things in life.
I try not to waste it all on being wrapped up in the past, or too afraid of the future to enjoy the present.
