Tuesday, January 7
Jan. 8th, 2025 03:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
MUCH nicer weather.
Waking up to sweet animal snuggles.
I did talk with Trainwreck, and though I don't think she was trying to push any buttons, she is just so relentlessly negative. I understand a bit that being very physically weak and often ill leaves her with little joy, and likely no vision of a future, but that's literally all there is left to talk about with her.
She doesn't seem to have felt well enough to do anything. Not walk in the hallways of her building, not do any cleaning or go outside. I have no way of knowing if that is true or not. There are times when she will say things like "all I've done is sleep for a week" and then mention going shopping or doing something else,...I don't doubt that she's not feeling well (she hasn't for about the last five years) but a person's mood can't get better either if they don't TRY to scrape themselves off of the floor and at least go outside for a breath of fresh air.
So after the supreme bummer of talking with her, I talked with Sister E who is over ten years older than Trainwreck but is in better shape, and still has a positive outlook on life. She talked about getting out and walking the dog, making a point of getting to the local fitness center now that holidays are over, and planning a trip with her husband to Arizona soon.
I did chores, and got some laundry started, and headed to the barn.
My Sweetie met me at the barn when he was done work/getting groceries. We chatted a fair bit with R who worked at the same time in the arena for about 15 minutes or so, and a bit with her husband K.
It struck me again how people like R and K are just more positive people in general, and how different it feels to be around them. Trainwreck has NEVER BEEN a positive person. There are times when she has maybe been happier or had better health, but she never had a positive outlook on life, was always looking for the "catch" or the darkness in everything, and also never took responsibility for herself in terms of "how can things improve".
I'm very glad I get to be around more positive people, to have them as an example and to model myself after them where possible.
River and I had a decent session. Good with ground work, I stood up again and made an effort to lift my head instead of looking down. Riding was a bit of an afterthought today, though we did.
Then we came home, ate, and watched the original "Fargo". Good lord, the actors were all SO YOUNG in this!
I worked on a painting that I had started a while ago and couldn't quite figure out what it needed to be finished, so I tackled it again and I like it a lot better now.
I am grateful for "me", if that makes sense. I haven't always been the best version of myself, and maybe I'm never going to be, but I've done okay given what I had to start with. I've tried to remain open-minded and caring without being a pushover, and tried to accept responsibility for making my life better and to appreciate that there are good things in life.
I try not to waste it all on being wrapped up in the past, or too afraid of the future to enjoy the present.
MUCH nicer weather.
Waking up to sweet animal snuggles.
I did talk with Trainwreck, and though I don't think she was trying to push any buttons, she is just so relentlessly negative. I understand a bit that being very physically weak and often ill leaves her with little joy, and likely no vision of a future, but that's literally all there is left to talk about with her.
She doesn't seem to have felt well enough to do anything. Not walk in the hallways of her building, not do any cleaning or go outside. I have no way of knowing if that is true or not. There are times when she will say things like "all I've done is sleep for a week" and then mention going shopping or doing something else,...I don't doubt that she's not feeling well (she hasn't for about the last five years) but a person's mood can't get better either if they don't TRY to scrape themselves off of the floor and at least go outside for a breath of fresh air.
So after the supreme bummer of talking with her, I talked with Sister E who is over ten years older than Trainwreck but is in better shape, and still has a positive outlook on life. She talked about getting out and walking the dog, making a point of getting to the local fitness center now that holidays are over, and planning a trip with her husband to Arizona soon.
I did chores, and got some laundry started, and headed to the barn.
My Sweetie met me at the barn when he was done work/getting groceries. We chatted a fair bit with R who worked at the same time in the arena for about 15 minutes or so, and a bit with her husband K.
It struck me again how people like R and K are just more positive people in general, and how different it feels to be around them. Trainwreck has NEVER BEEN a positive person. There are times when she has maybe been happier or had better health, but she never had a positive outlook on life, was always looking for the "catch" or the darkness in everything, and also never took responsibility for herself in terms of "how can things improve".
I'm very glad I get to be around more positive people, to have them as an example and to model myself after them where possible.
River and I had a decent session. Good with ground work, I stood up again and made an effort to lift my head instead of looking down. Riding was a bit of an afterthought today, though we did.
Then we came home, ate, and watched the original "Fargo". Good lord, the actors were all SO YOUNG in this!
I worked on a painting that I had started a while ago and couldn't quite figure out what it needed to be finished, so I tackled it again and I like it a lot better now.
I am grateful for "me", if that makes sense. I haven't always been the best version of myself, and maybe I'm never going to be, but I've done okay given what I had to start with. I've tried to remain open-minded and caring without being a pushover, and tried to accept responsibility for making my life better and to appreciate that there are good things in life.
I try not to waste it all on being wrapped up in the past, or too afraid of the future to enjoy the present.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-08 06:15 pm (UTC)I should look up Fargo-- I don't think I've ever seen it.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-08 09:38 pm (UTC)Yes, I am very grateful for having positive people in my life, and I need to go back to talking with Trainwreck less. She's started calling me a lot more because she felt very lonely during the holidays, but now we need to go back to maybe one phone call a week.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-09 01:05 am (UTC)And I totally agree with the importance of having people around you that have a positive outlook. That is probably the absolute highest reason why I really am resistant to having Home Care again as much as I need it. They are not positive mental and emotional people to be around. And I catch that so to speak. Sure I try to find the strengths that they have and be inspired by that so to speak but the rest is just not worth it.
We all are different kinds of people, and I think it's one of the most important things we can do when able and we're able is to choose good people to be around even just from a distance to see as model.
I try not to get too close to some people I admire because I need to find my own footing and not walk in their shadow, but I'm very grateful for the few people lately that have had a positive impact by their example, just their example. I've started wearing face masks more and taking care to glow up like I used to but in all ways. And just other things. Wishing you more of all of that there that is good that you were experiencing.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-09 07:00 am (UTC)I know I am wiser for having been around my family, in a very sad way, but I wouldn't have picked up some of their emotional habits and outlook on life.
Anyhow, I AM glad to have a few people in my life now who are positive people, and I am ready to learn some different emotional habits, and see where that takes me.
I don't think you have to COPY people you admire, or set yourself up for some kind of loss of yourself, but positive people have an energy that is a pleasure to be around. What I like about positive people is that they seem able to cope with things without falling apart, lashing out at you, or getting depressed, and they tend to look for solutions instead of just being angry or blaming things on people.
They don't spend too much time on "why me", but get right to dealing with things. When they mess up, they neither deny that they did, nor do they endlessly beat themselves up over it. They accept responsibility and again, look for how they can move forward.
They don't seem to get stuck a lot.
Then, when good things happen, they are able to enjoy them fully instead of wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.
My Sister S. has a hard time just allowing things to be good, as she always makes it sound like having something good is just ASKING for something bad to come along behind it. I can't talk about nice things in my life without being able to sense that she's thinking "sure, things are nice...for now".
Not allowing themselves to be happy is a problem for some people.
Anyhow, you can spend an hour with a negative person or an hour with a more emotionally balanced positive person, and even though each situation could involve sitting in a lovely cafe drinking coffee, they can feel like very different experiences.
Think of the difference of spending a lifetime with either one of them.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-13 02:30 am (UTC)I really wish you truly all the best with your endeavor because I think it is a very important and worthwhile one. In a nutshell - I like it! I don't know whether I was a positive person or a negative one, but I do know I have move around a lot of negative people in this town. And I do know that whenever my mother is negative no matter how hard I try to be positive, unless I do something Goofy and stupid to make her laugh, there's just no pulling her out of it. When I try to reason with her she ends up getting me so discouraged that I get really negative. The only way she will be positive in those moments is if I give up and become discouraged, which at that point it's usually too late to encourage me, and sometimes I've noticed in the last few years my mom gets discouraged enough that even that doesn't pull her out of it.
I think she needs more joy in her life. Today she got to see the littlest grandkids and I know that her voice sounded better for it. So I tried to not be the crabby one! I will admit that I've gotten crabby here in the last few years. I've heard myself say I was and people say no no you're not, but I think I really truly am now. I see how I just go negative when I'm talking about the problems. But enough of that. I know some of what I need to do and I'm trying to do it.
Yikes, your last line! That makes me think that it should be every spouse's responsibility to try to be more positive for the sake of their partner. I will say that having talked with L. more and realizing presence and what quality time can mean, I did try to make eye contact and pay more attention to RC today when he was talking about things completely and totally boring or uninteresting to me.... Because I knew they were really important to him. It's the little things that you "know" but don't stop to actually put into practice. I want to be around more people that do. Including myself! Cheers to a positive change, haha!
no subject
Date: 2025-01-14 07:37 am (UTC)Like, getting a nice vehicle is just asking for the universe to ruin something else for you, or for circumstances to leave you destitute because you're "showing off".
Getting a gift can make a negative person feel like "there's a catch somewhere, why are you being nice?".
Negative people can be wary of things like getting to know a nice person at pottery, thinking "hmm, what do they want from me".
A positive person is just more open to life in general. They go to things like the art gallery with an open mind ready to find something to enjoy, where a negative person either wouldn't bother going, or would just find things they hated about all the art.
Same with trying new food, or a new book, or even the thoughts they have about other people.
Being around a negative person can be like poison.
I don't mean a depressed person when I say negative. A depressed person is a different thing.
By negative, I mean a person who sees a beautiful flower but just can't help muttering something about how it doesn't smell right, or there's a petal missing, or it's not their favorite kind of flower.
They look for why things won't work, won't happen, it's too much work, why bother.
Positive people look for how to make things happen, even if it is a lot of work, or they just enjoy the process of doing things. They see opportunities, enjoy new experiences, and they rarely feel that they are doing things because they "have to do them", they are doing things because those tasks make other things possible.
R at the barn rarely complains about how much work there is having her riding barn and horses, because she loves doing it. So, picking up manure is just part of her dream.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-15 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-11 09:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-12 07:11 am (UTC)