Saturday, August 7

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

A cooler day than we've been having, which is a relief. It hailed a bit, and rained a bit, but just enough to take some of the dust out of the air.

I went to town alone today, which was actually kind of nice. Lately I've been feeling "herded", and having far too many of my days directed by my husband. Some of that is necessary because of the work on the house, but it spills over into parts of my life that don't need management. He's a natural leader, which can be great, but he leads even when he doesn't have to, making me feel claustrophobic because I get managed doing things like making my own breakfast or trying to go to the bathroom and he comes in 5 times to update me on the weather outside, that I can still see because there's a window in the bathroom. He isn't like this all the time, but it's been bad the last few days, and when I try to get some space he gets worse because he's trying "to be helpful". It's tough to be a "manager" type person, and I'm the only person he has around to manage right now. Most of the time he has his job, but he's on "vacation" right now, and I have to fill all of his micro-managing needs when usually he's out there telling all kinds of people how to do their job.

What's worse, is personality-wise, I am a cat. I like to sleep, I like to roll around a bit and look out the window before I get out of bed, and I like a lot of time alone with my thoughts. I don't herd well. I like to snuggle on my own terms, but I am not great at being told what to do.

It would be easy for a different person to be completely infantilized and lost being married to him, because he would just tell you what to do all the time if you let him (in the most pleasant way that almost feels like helpfulness). Did you know that there is a better way to do almost everything that you're already doing? At the same time, he will decide at various unknown points that I should be more independent and not ask him anymore to do things that he figures I should be doing now. He gets frustrated if you don't end up being able to perform tasks (or want to perform tasks) after receiving direction. So, it's nice for him to be the competent one, but then he wants you to be competent UNDER HIS DIRECTION. Like at a work place. I think it's hard for him to recognize that I don't work for him. Marriage is a puzzle.

Anyhow, I went to town alone. I met with a woman who was selling a necklace/bracelet set, and all went well.

I actually got to shop at Winner's, at my own pace, looking at all kinds of things in a leisurely fashion, and even tried a few things on without feeling hurried. I looked at things FOR NO GOOD REASON.

I did a slow, thorough job of getting groceries, taking the path through the store that I would normally choose to do, even buying things that we aren't out of right now, but will be in a few days. This way, in three days I won't run out of the things we use the most. I even had time to look through the clothes for a shirt that might work for my Mom. I got two of the things we use the most.

I went to the movie store and picked up a few new titles.

Then I came home, appreciated my sweetie's help getting all the groceries in the house, made supper, and we watched "Godzilla vs. Kong"', that I got because that's the kind of movie he likes to watch.

I'm grateful for the means to buy the things we need, and things that are just nice to buy sometimes. I'm grateful for my husband's competence, and his ability to lead even if it gets out of hand sometimes. I'm grateful for sleeping, and our animals, and for cooler days that don't smell like smoke.