Tuesday, March 22
Mar. 23rd, 2022 12:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Another beautiful warm day. Still lots of snow around, but it's melting. So nice to go outside and your hands aren't freezing and your face doesn't hurt. The days are so much longer now, too.
The support of my brother T and my sister S, the two people in our family responsible for Mom's care.
In conversation with my Trainwreck sister, she mentioned that she wanted to sign my Mom out of the care home for the day, and take her out to a park or something, maybe go for a drive.
This may SOUND harmless, except my Mom can't walk pretty much at all now. She fell and cracked her pelvis last October, and was in the hospital for a few weeks. There was a short attempt at physiotherapy to see if she could return to her home, but it was decided that she was not mobile enough to do so, and has been in the care home since. There seems to be no more physiotherapy happening, and she is in a wheel chair now.
This is not a horrible tragedy, as she is 92 years old this April, and got to live in her own home right up until a few months ago.
That said, taking her outside would be a BIG DEAL now. Even before this year, Mom could not get in and out of a car without someone just about lifting her, and now it would be nearly impossible. Also it would be dangerous for an untrained person to assist her now, because with old people you can't just grab their arm, you can dislocate it or bruise them, or even tear the skin.
She does not regulate her body temperature well, and even though it is lovely outside, it is still only about 10 C, and my Mom feels cold inside most of the time at 22 C or warmer. You can't bundle her up, because her body doesn't make much heat.
Driving her around to look at the country side, or taking her to a park (!) or trying to get her to a local diner would all be absolutely exhausting for her now. She spends most of her day dozing in her chair, or watching the birds at the feeder, or visiting for a few minutes at a time. She would NOT be up for a busy afternoon of visiting with family in a park somewhere, like my sister has in mind.
I tried to tell Trainwreck that this was not a good idea at all, and she blithely ignored me.
So I called both my sister S, and my brother T, and talked to them about my Trainwreck sister's plans, and they both agreed that this is a terrible idea, and they are going to talk to Trainwreck about it.
Here's the thing, though. It is perfectly legal for my sister to sign Mom out of the home for the day, and the staff could not legally stop her. I don't know if S and T could do anything to change that, since they do have Power of Attorney for Mom.
They said that they had never considered the possibility of anyone in our family signing Mom out without consulting them first. Everyone has been so worried about Covid, and worrying about who GOES IN to see her.
So that put me in a terrible mood, because once again, I have to worry about my Mom's safety, and it's something out of my control.
I have not heard back from the carpenter, and my husband said "it's normal not to hear from these guys for weeks". Maybe this is part of why my husband is slow to get things done? Like Hell I am going to wait weeks to make arrangements, and just quietly sit there while nothing happens.
I went to see River, and it was a lovely day for it. He was relaxed and sleepy, and did very well on the groundwork/Liberty. He was oddly unfocused during the riding, and not doing anything bad but not exactly moving with purpose or with the right bend. It was still nice to ride, though.
R was around, and we chatted a bit.
I came home and felt overwhelmed and tired from thinking about Mom, and thinking about how nothing is getting done on the house. I just had supper and napped.
Today I learned about Jennie B. (nee Carter) Powers, agent for the Humane Society in New Hampshire from 1903 to 1936, and was deputized in 1910, second female deputy sheriff in NH. (the YouTube video says first, other sources say second).
This meant she could carry a .38 with her when she investigated animal cruelty cases. She was known as The Woman Who Dares, and arrested more men than any other woman in 1906 (presumably at that point, still as the agent for the Humane Society).
What made her so successful, is that she took meticulous notes and photographs of the condition of the animals, which made her cases compelling.
She frequently noted that in homes where the animals were abused, there was likely also abuse of the women and children taking place, but the laws for protecting the animals were already far ahead of the laws protecting the women and children. She could do little to help them. This did lead her to advocate for Women's Rights.
https://youtu.be/3ceNHoCezcU
Another beautiful warm day. Still lots of snow around, but it's melting. So nice to go outside and your hands aren't freezing and your face doesn't hurt. The days are so much longer now, too.
The support of my brother T and my sister S, the two people in our family responsible for Mom's care.
In conversation with my Trainwreck sister, she mentioned that she wanted to sign my Mom out of the care home for the day, and take her out to a park or something, maybe go for a drive.
This may SOUND harmless, except my Mom can't walk pretty much at all now. She fell and cracked her pelvis last October, and was in the hospital for a few weeks. There was a short attempt at physiotherapy to see if she could return to her home, but it was decided that she was not mobile enough to do so, and has been in the care home since. There seems to be no more physiotherapy happening, and she is in a wheel chair now.
This is not a horrible tragedy, as she is 92 years old this April, and got to live in her own home right up until a few months ago.
That said, taking her outside would be a BIG DEAL now. Even before this year, Mom could not get in and out of a car without someone just about lifting her, and now it would be nearly impossible. Also it would be dangerous for an untrained person to assist her now, because with old people you can't just grab their arm, you can dislocate it or bruise them, or even tear the skin.
She does not regulate her body temperature well, and even though it is lovely outside, it is still only about 10 C, and my Mom feels cold inside most of the time at 22 C or warmer. You can't bundle her up, because her body doesn't make much heat.
Driving her around to look at the country side, or taking her to a park (!) or trying to get her to a local diner would all be absolutely exhausting for her now. She spends most of her day dozing in her chair, or watching the birds at the feeder, or visiting for a few minutes at a time. She would NOT be up for a busy afternoon of visiting with family in a park somewhere, like my sister has in mind.
I tried to tell Trainwreck that this was not a good idea at all, and she blithely ignored me.
So I called both my sister S, and my brother T, and talked to them about my Trainwreck sister's plans, and they both agreed that this is a terrible idea, and they are going to talk to Trainwreck about it.
Here's the thing, though. It is perfectly legal for my sister to sign Mom out of the home for the day, and the staff could not legally stop her. I don't know if S and T could do anything to change that, since they do have Power of Attorney for Mom.
They said that they had never considered the possibility of anyone in our family signing Mom out without consulting them first. Everyone has been so worried about Covid, and worrying about who GOES IN to see her.
So that put me in a terrible mood, because once again, I have to worry about my Mom's safety, and it's something out of my control.
I have not heard back from the carpenter, and my husband said "it's normal not to hear from these guys for weeks". Maybe this is part of why my husband is slow to get things done? Like Hell I am going to wait weeks to make arrangements, and just quietly sit there while nothing happens.
I went to see River, and it was a lovely day for it. He was relaxed and sleepy, and did very well on the groundwork/Liberty. He was oddly unfocused during the riding, and not doing anything bad but not exactly moving with purpose or with the right bend. It was still nice to ride, though.
R was around, and we chatted a bit.
I came home and felt overwhelmed and tired from thinking about Mom, and thinking about how nothing is getting done on the house. I just had supper and napped.
Today I learned about Jennie B. (nee Carter) Powers, agent for the Humane Society in New Hampshire from 1903 to 1936, and was deputized in 1910, second female deputy sheriff in NH. (the YouTube video says first, other sources say second).
This meant she could carry a .38 with her when she investigated animal cruelty cases. She was known as The Woman Who Dares, and arrested more men than any other woman in 1906 (presumably at that point, still as the agent for the Humane Society).
What made her so successful, is that she took meticulous notes and photographs of the condition of the animals, which made her cases compelling.
She frequently noted that in homes where the animals were abused, there was likely also abuse of the women and children taking place, but the laws for protecting the animals were already far ahead of the laws protecting the women and children. She could do little to help them. This did lead her to advocate for Women's Rights.
https://youtu.be/3ceNHoCezcU
no subject
Date: 2022-03-23 08:38 am (UTC)Your mother's carers can be given instructions that allow certain activities (wheelchair excursions, et cetera) with certain people, but the stress is on her best interests. Hopefully, TW sister can adapt to this.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-23 07:55 pm (UTC)(and cheer <3!)
no subject
Date: 2022-03-23 10:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-24 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-24 02:10 am (UTC)how does one go back to what I originally had? 😂
It's okay - I'll keep playing around with things and adapt. Thanks again for telling me how to change it!
no subject
Date: 2022-03-23 09:15 pm (UTC)Your siblings with power of attorney would also be able to prevent that here. Having power of attorney (if it's the correct kind) would allow them to make ALL decisions about her care, including whether she can leave the care home and with whom. At least here, all they would have to do is inform the staff.
If y'all haven't done it already, you should talk with the doc about having your mom declared unable to make medical & financial decisions on her own. The doc could document that, allowing a judge to declare her incompetent for making certain decisions, and formally appointing those siblings to make medical decisions for her (if that hasn't already been done).
I know that being declared incompetent sounds horrible, but it's for the patients' protection! I've seen some horrible situations in which relatives took advantage of a patient who had difficulties with judgement. . .
no subject
Date: 2022-03-23 09:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-23 10:05 pm (UTC)I don't know if Mom has had all power turned over to my siblings or not, but lately they have been making all decisions for her, which is necessary.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-24 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-24 06:54 am (UTC)