Tuesday, April 26
Apr. 27th, 2022 12:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Cool, but a pleasant temperature. Cloudy, it might rain.
I had a good phone conversation with my sister E. She is dealing with a situation with her Mother in Law, that is more or less the same one as our Mom a little while ago.
The family (her husband's family) is not facing the reality of the situation; that she needs to be in a care facility. My sister says that her MIL has pretty much no short term memory, can no longer even heat up food left for her to eat, isn't eating properly, likely isn't taking her medication accurately, is now having issues with showering safely, and relies on family very heavily for every aspect of her life. She has very little vision left, and can't read labels on medication or food.
My sister says that they have been trying to get her to accept Home Care, which would at least make sure her medications were taken correctly and help her shower, but her MIL does not want it.
My advice to her, was to get the family all on the same page, and tell her that she must get Home Care, or she won't be able to live on her own.
Then, I told her to begin the process of evaluating her ability to be on her own officially. They may not say she requires a care home this time, but it establishes a base line, and then they can assess her again in 6 months or a year.
To look at facilities, and begin the process in earnest. I told her that likely it would be all against her MIL's will, but that her will was not necessarily required for admission if her safety was an issue.
The family is struggling to meet all of her needs, just like my family struggled to keep Mom safe. No one can be there all the time. It was hard to make sure she got checked on a couple of times a day, to make sure she had meals, that her house was kept clean, that her meds were all given on time, that she got to her doctor appointments, etc.
My sister's husband has his own health issues, as does the other brother.
I asked my sister if she thought her MIL could still live at home in five year's time, and she said she didn't think so, nor did she think they could manage all the extra care that long. So, I said that means you need to start the process of finding her a care home NOW.
She said she felt better after we talked, because she realizes now that her MIL really does need more care, and that they were all in denial, thinking that somehow they could just make things work better.
Since our phone call went a lot longer than I thought it would, I was pretty late for riding, but it worked out okay.
I rode River in the outdoor arena again, while the other rider had a lesson. It was good though, because they wanted to simulate a class where there are other horses and you have to pass another horse on the rail, and be passed.
I also did some Liberty with River in the outdoor, and he stayed with me really well outside, without even a halter on.
I have been working on my own fitness, and jogging more with him. Liberty does require the handler to jog a surprising amount once you get going.
I learned that in 1914, Princess Mary (who would have been 17 at the time), daughter of King George V and Queen Mary, was concerned about the soldiers and sailors fighting in the First World War and wanted to provide a Christmas gift for each of them. Initially, Princess Mary wanted to pay for the gifts from her private allowance but this was deemed impractical. It was decided that Princess Mary would lend her name to a public fund instead.
These lovely brass boxes contained an assortment of personally useful items, and they were not all the same (the article has more details).
A fund of £162,591 12s 5d, the equivalent of approximately £17 million in today’s money was raised from mostly public donations, which was incredible given how hard things were at this time. It was more money than was needed for the gifts, and the remainder was donated to Queen Mary’s Maternity Home which looked after the wives and infants of soldiers, sailors and airmen.
Over 2.6 million of these lovely boxes were issued over a 5-year period.
They are collector's items now. I have one that I bought at a shop or something a long time ago, and I didn't know what it was at the time. I did find out later what it was, but this article gives me more information.
https://www.nmrn.org.uk/news-events/nmrn-blog/gift-princess-mary
Cool, but a pleasant temperature. Cloudy, it might rain.
I had a good phone conversation with my sister E. She is dealing with a situation with her Mother in Law, that is more or less the same one as our Mom a little while ago.
The family (her husband's family) is not facing the reality of the situation; that she needs to be in a care facility. My sister says that her MIL has pretty much no short term memory, can no longer even heat up food left for her to eat, isn't eating properly, likely isn't taking her medication accurately, is now having issues with showering safely, and relies on family very heavily for every aspect of her life. She has very little vision left, and can't read labels on medication or food.
My sister says that they have been trying to get her to accept Home Care, which would at least make sure her medications were taken correctly and help her shower, but her MIL does not want it.
My advice to her, was to get the family all on the same page, and tell her that she must get Home Care, or she won't be able to live on her own.
Then, I told her to begin the process of evaluating her ability to be on her own officially. They may not say she requires a care home this time, but it establishes a base line, and then they can assess her again in 6 months or a year.
To look at facilities, and begin the process in earnest. I told her that likely it would be all against her MIL's will, but that her will was not necessarily required for admission if her safety was an issue.
The family is struggling to meet all of her needs, just like my family struggled to keep Mom safe. No one can be there all the time. It was hard to make sure she got checked on a couple of times a day, to make sure she had meals, that her house was kept clean, that her meds were all given on time, that she got to her doctor appointments, etc.
My sister's husband has his own health issues, as does the other brother.
I asked my sister if she thought her MIL could still live at home in five year's time, and she said she didn't think so, nor did she think they could manage all the extra care that long. So, I said that means you need to start the process of finding her a care home NOW.
She said she felt better after we talked, because she realizes now that her MIL really does need more care, and that they were all in denial, thinking that somehow they could just make things work better.
Since our phone call went a lot longer than I thought it would, I was pretty late for riding, but it worked out okay.
I rode River in the outdoor arena again, while the other rider had a lesson. It was good though, because they wanted to simulate a class where there are other horses and you have to pass another horse on the rail, and be passed.
I also did some Liberty with River in the outdoor, and he stayed with me really well outside, without even a halter on.
I have been working on my own fitness, and jogging more with him. Liberty does require the handler to jog a surprising amount once you get going.
I learned that in 1914, Princess Mary (who would have been 17 at the time), daughter of King George V and Queen Mary, was concerned about the soldiers and sailors fighting in the First World War and wanted to provide a Christmas gift for each of them. Initially, Princess Mary wanted to pay for the gifts from her private allowance but this was deemed impractical. It was decided that Princess Mary would lend her name to a public fund instead.
These lovely brass boxes contained an assortment of personally useful items, and they were not all the same (the article has more details).
A fund of £162,591 12s 5d, the equivalent of approximately £17 million in today’s money was raised from mostly public donations, which was incredible given how hard things were at this time. It was more money than was needed for the gifts, and the remainder was donated to Queen Mary’s Maternity Home which looked after the wives and infants of soldiers, sailors and airmen.
Over 2.6 million of these lovely boxes were issued over a 5-year period.
They are collector's items now. I have one that I bought at a shop or something a long time ago, and I didn't know what it was at the time. I did find out later what it was, but this article gives me more information.
https://www.nmrn.org.uk/news-events/nmrn-blog/gift-princess-mary
no subject
Date: 2022-04-27 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-04-28 04:52 am (UTC)More than anything, I wanted her to feel okay about needing to make this decision. Guilt is such a big part of deciding to place an elder in a care facility.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-28 03:12 am (UTC)Sometimes the larger the family the harder it is to move forward with one decision involving an elder.
no subject
Date: 2022-04-28 04:50 am (UTC)The family on her husband's side is not too large, just her husband, and a brother and his wife that are involved in her care. I think they are just at that stage our family was a year or so ago, where there is a tipping point where you are just realizing that a person's needs are more than can be met at home.