Thursday, May 26

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Beautiful weather.

Finally getting some sleep.

I was able to get the chair I wanted from Mom's into the car. It's small, but the whole back becomes cargo space if you lay the seats down.

The neighbor came and helped me with the chair, and we had an oddly intimate conversation for quite a while. She's not from the area, and is likely moving again soon. I felt oddly comfortable talking with her.

It's hard not to take every little thing that sparks a memory.

Trainwreck sister came, and was supposed to be clearing the house. I sat patiently for her to be ready, but mostly she just fucked around. First she had to make a coffee. Then she needed a smoke break. Then she had to pee. Then she had to go somewhere for five minutes. Then it was smoke time.

So, I went to see Mom, which was fine. She really doesn't hardly seem like herself anymore. She isn't even wearing clothes that she would have chosen.

Then I went to visit my uncle (Mom's brother) and my aunt who live just down the street from the care home.

Trainwreck came too.

They are nearly as old as Mom, and also getting pretty frail. We did have a good visit, and my aunt put together a care package of baked goods for my husband.

When we got back to the house I took the initiative and packed what was left of Mom's clothes that she isn't going to wear, and all of the odds and ends of over the counter drugs and linamints in her nightstand.

A bit of it made it to the garbage, the rest into bags that my sister swears is going to the thrift store but is likely going to her house.

Then I went to visit my Brother T on the family farm.

I went for a walk around the farm as I try to do when I am home. I took the dogs with me, which is how I like it.

Then we sat around a propane fire pit for awhile and talked. His wife was home by then.

Then I drove back to Mom's house and packed a few more things and moved all of the full boxes to the porch so they didn't clutter up the house.

This may very well be my last night in the house. It will likely be empty very soon, and possibly sold. If nothing else, it is the last time it will feel like Mom's house.

Comments

[ratunderpaper]

Once you clear out your mother's place completely, it may not feel as meaningful or laden with memories as you'd expect. It's a new phase. The person they once were, the person you recognise, isn't there anymore.

I didn't want most of Lois's furnishings. I kept a loveseat, a mid-century modern side table, china, a few pieces of glassware, and curtains. I also kept a 60s bathing suit and a gold lamé purse. Most stuff was sold or given away.

Every once in a while I see something at a thrift shop that looks exactly like something from home "back then" - a figurine, a bowl that's the same as the one she used for potato chips, or a basket, or a framed department store print. I realise how much "sameness" there was back in the day. Most people's homes looked alike.

[gottawonder]

What I am hoping, is that someone will buy that house, and that it will be loved by a new family, or a couple, or...anyone! I would love to walk by, and have a chat with them as they work in the front yard (totally feasible in a small town), or see them do something nice like put in new windows.

There are a few furniture items I would have liked, but I don't have room, and other people in the family would like something too. Mostly, we are all taking back whatever we gave Mom over the years. Mugs, knick knacks, artsy things. There are other little items too that she's had forever.

I brought back some arrowheads found on our family farm, a small blue glass creamer that she had on top of her fridge for years, a big mug that I had at her house that I always used for coffee, the mug that she often used for coffee, the Scrabble board which was a game she played with us relentlessly, and a few paintings and pottery that I had given her.

The one bigger item that I took was an antique oak chair. She bought it when I was still living at home, it was already an antique. She sat in it as her reading chair for years, until she started preferring a recliner. When she moved to the little house in town, it was positioned so that I often sat in it to talk with her, and to play Scrabble. I know she was proud of what a nice piece it was, and she paid to have the seat re-upholstered (though that is now worn out a bit).

I am now the family custodian for the very old family pictures, which I have always been fascinated with. I plan to digitize them.

I am also the family custodian of the genealogy papers that Mom so painstakingly pursued. I hope to put some of it together into a "story" of some kind so that I can give a book everyone. A copy of our family tree.

The things I have do really make me think of her. I know she's still alive, but there isn't a lot of "her" left.

[ratunderpaper]

That's nice that you get to preserve family history. Not everyone is suited for it. Pursuing ancestry is one of my favourite things to do in the winter.

Hopefully the house will go to someone who will maintain what it was, and continue its history.

This old house breathes a sigh of relief when it's brought back to a semblance of its historic self. It will never be what it was, but we're trying to be mindful of its origin.