A lot of things are just stressful for me.

[gottawonder]

I really feel burnt out, but I really can't get away from obligations.

It's crazy, because I don't even work outside the home, where most people get their stress.

I live with the day to day stress of the house and yard, the fact that we are not anywhere near being done the work on the addition and the basement etc. My husband doesn't know why it is stressful for me, since the house is functional the way it is. The stress of dealing with my husband on this topic, that bleeds the joy out of many of our days together and phone calls when he is at work.

I've been dealing with a jump in Mom's aging process, from a woman living at home with support to needing full time care and having almost nothing left of her personality or memory. The struggle to get through to my family last October that she needed more care, then she fell and fractured her pelvis, and the held breath waiting to see if she would go home or not.

Stress from that stupid convoy bullshit, and all the proud idiots that you can't get away from.

The background stress of caring for the animals, and their health is not perfect.

Dealing with my feelings around needing stronger glasses again. I have always had a high prescription, and I get very down when it is time for another eye exam, almost always accompanied by feeling shitty about being more blind all the time.

Older siblings having their partners die in the last year or so, and seeing how many members of my family are getting very old and frail.

Feeling less connected with family in general, as the younger ones splinter off and move away from where my family all grew up so it is very hard to see them. We don't talk on the phone much.

The stress of going home for a week, simply in terms of preparation to leave the animals, making the monumental drive there, and then back. Dealing with the feelings of packing up Mom's house and selling it, as well as my Trainwreck sister creating drama.

Smaller drama with the pottery studio, with my things being misplaced and me feeling like I have to be the one to keep track of everything because no one is doing their job. Pressure to get pieces done for the end of the year, and raku firing.

Now feeling like a failure because after all my work with River, we still can't even place at a fun show against basically kids and other amateurs.

The normal annual stress of trying to get the garden in, and the yard work.

I'm just tired.

Comments

[ratunderpaper]

That's a lot of stress piling up. The best you can do is know you have done your best with all of these endeavours. Can you paint a partly-finished room, put up shelves or decorate around the stuff that needs to be done until spouse gets to it?

The convoy doinkery is still ongoing? What are they whining about now?

Your mother's situation takes a lot of energy no matter how you look at it. Spending five minutes with a parent in severely declining mental/physical health is exhausting.

I hope you can be nice to yourself and give yourself a reward for your perseverance.

[gottawonder]

No, the convoy BS is over, but it was part of the nearly unrelenting series of events that caused stress this year, and all of these things took energy to deal with them.

I try to build positive things into most of my days, and some days are just fine. You know how it is though, if you have one or two things get a little harder one day, it all feels like it is too much all at once.

[sherlockishere]

I really understand. I think we've all been through far more stress over the past couple of years than we even realize. Sometimes the effects of that added stress come busting through.

The whole Trump phenomenon here affects me in that way. I don't know when there might be another attempt at a coup. I don't know when we will find out that womens' right to abortion is taken away. At any point, there could be another horrible elementary school shooting, which to me is the worst possible thing that could happen to anyone. My heart just bleeds for those people, and it's made worse by the fact that Republicans are able to block intelligent gun control. And that's not even considering the effects of the pandemic.

When I get to that point, I just have to take a break from the news. Sometimes a walk will help; sometimes I just need to be around someone I love. Personally, I think we're living in a particularly difficult time in history.

Hang in there!

[gottawonder]

The whole Trump thing affected us a lot here. There were a lot of people here in Canada who really liked Trump, and that gave them their cue to start acting like entitled assholes publicly. There were even some who were encouraging the idea of having Trump "take over Canada".

Whatever happens in the United States becomes an issue in Canada. Whenever gun control is brought up there, it shows up here with idiots wanting to have assault rifles and concealed carry. Whenever Roe vs. Wade is in danger there, people here line up and start taking sides too.

I really don't watch a lot of news, but it shows up on everyone's Facebook posts, and in conversations, and it IS important to know what is happening and to be informed.

Anyhow, that isn't where MOST of my stress comes from, but it can push things over the edge at times when your glass is almost brimming over with a mix of different things already. One more idiot posting some crap on Facebook can push the rage button if you're already almost there.

Yes, I go for walks and they help. My Sweetie and I managed to fit in two nice walks at the park down the road when he was home this weekend, and they helped a lot.

[sherlockishere]

Oh, I wanted to ask you about this: The other day someone told me that they read in the news that Canada has been so concerned about Trump and January 6th that they have started creating a plan for what to do if the US succumbs to a coup-- Like if Trump gets elected a 2nd time and totally takes over the government. I actually believe that he WILL attempt a full-scale takeover of the country if he gets access to that kind of power again. And I do think there's a sizable chance that he could get elected again in 2024. So I didn't immediately write-off that bit of information about Canada.

Do you think that's really happening? I hadn't thought about how other countries might have to protect themselves from a mentally disturbed President of the United States. It's a distressing thought, right?!

I think of Canada, frankly, as a kind of Promised Land, where people are reasonable and mostly liberal. I was kind of shocked when I first heard about those truckers, since I think of Canadians as more civilized than that. (And certainly more civilized than us.)

[gottawonder]

I haven't heard about this, but it wouldn't be that surprising to learn that the Canadian government planned for this possibility.

All I know, is that the U.S. needs to really work on getting every possible Liberal to vote in the next couple of elections for sure. Until he is literally physically unable to hold office.

I think of Canada as being a wonderful place too. I cannot for even a moment, fathom those who would support Trump's vision of government, but then again, assholes are everywhere.

[ratunderpaper]

Yes indeed, the recent past has felt like a never-ending cavalcade of stressful events and doinkery.

The thing that has made it more bearable has been the awareness that others have felt they were in the same boat.

[gottawonder]

Yes, I felt that way about Covid, with the feeling that we were all in this together, until it started to feel like we were becoming very divided on the issues around vaccination and other measures like isolation and wearing masks.

[ratunderpaper]

I met with extended family last summer, when they began to express adamance against taking the "experimental Nuremberg disaster that wasn't really a vaccine anyway" and "doing their own research" since they "personally knew many people who've already died from the shot". It took every fibre of my being to keep quiet and not to say "Oh, you HAVE NOT known many people who died from this VACCINE. STOP IT." But apart from a brief flicker of catharsis, would my outburst achieve much, if anything?

It was during Covid that I learned to keep my unwanted opinions to myself, since they were virtually useless among Covidiots.

[gottawonder]

Yes, I got into it with a few people in my family, and I probably shouldn't have.

I too, bit my tongue at the riding barn because R was kind of on the fence about the whole thing. She did get vaccinated, but also pooh-poohed the need for it. She really only got vaccinated because she had to in order to keep operating the riding barn and her dog grooming business. She wasn't exactly against it, but kept saying "everyone getting sick will still be our best protection" kind of thing. She seemed to miss the point of how not everyone was going to survive being sick.

All of the fighting about vaccines and measures took a lot out of me. I don't think any of this would have been so bad if the feeling of "we're in this together" was the overall vibe. The stress came from wondering if the idiots out there were going to get us all killed.

[ratunderpaper]

So many people misuse the term "herd immunity" and seem more than eager to infect the herd rather than protect it.

I should have realised the people with whom I talked last summer were going to be rabid anti-vaxxers; they're the same ones who held chicken pox and rubella parties for their home-schooled kids a couple of decades ago. The ideology doesn't change.

[sherlockishere]

I just read your entry about the horse show. What a mess! Personally, I would be upset, too, particularly because it was your trainer who was judging.

It sounds like she just wasn't on her game. I've certainly competed in shows like that, where I knew we did a really clean ride but didn't ribbon. I always figured the judge must have sneezed at the wrong moment and missed us!

[gottawonder]

I'll be honest, I think River and I do our job well, but don't seem to have whatever quality it is that jumps out to demand attention. Neither one of us is flashy, even if we are competent. That said, it sucks to never be rewarded for being competent.

[cf2princessawnw]

For whatever it is worth, I want you to know you're not a failure. I really look up to you with all your knowledge about animals for starters. You're a kind, good friend to us here, and you don't have to be. You choose to be. You choose character qualities for yourself that make you someone to respect in those ways.

I don't think I've ever had long-term warning for grieving where it begins before actual death. But you are walking through that now, and that makes everything under the sun harder. As others have said, you are also going through all of that in the world we are in and the way people are changing into being (WHY is like NO one doing their jobs???!).... so, please, if you can't see it, believe me that what I see is someone who is incredible to not be losing it at everyone (who mostly deserve it). Take care of yourself for yourself in the most loving ways. Maybe make a list? And incorporate them. Not to solve it all, but at least hopefully increase the times of good and relief where you can feeeeel hopeful and happy again. I don' tknow if this helps or not.

But the main cliff note is as always - BIG WARM HUGS AND HUGE CHEERS!!! In a work setting you get promotions and other recognition. That's not built into your 'job' (which seriously you're lifestyle is awesome but definitely WORK. and you do well at it despite how daily it is). So - I'd promote you dear.... but I already think your near the top in caring for your animals and such. Care for you too because you ARE worth it, and I hope other start to as well! <3

[gottawonder]

You make a very good point; the work I do is not something I get much recognition for. My husband does tell me I do a good job, but there really isn't anyone else doing that. I do look at my happy little animals though, and feel good that I could give them good lives. Most of them are rescues.

Thank you for your kindness, and taking the time to type all of this out. I know your spoons are precious.

[cf2princessawnw]

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