Saturday, July 9
Jul. 9th, 2022 11:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Sunny today, and for the first time in a long time, it didn't rain. What a wacky year. We had a dry enough spring that we really needed the rain, and now it is so sopping wet everywhere that it is causing problems.
I went to a yard sale and found six blank canvases very cheap, and they are on wooden frames. I have a whole bunch of blank canvases now, so I could really get going with the acrylics/oils and not feel guilty if they are a bit mediocre, since the canvases were so cheap.
I came home and mowed as much as I could. Parts of the yard are literally under water, so it will be a while before I can mow that.
I pulled tons of weeds too. I couldn't really do that for the last two weeks for all the rain, and the weeds are taking over. The nice thing is, the ground is so soft that they are coming out easily.
I talked with my sister E for a while, and I feel sad for her that it sounds like things are pretty rough between her and her husband. They likely always did bicker a lot, but I think his health challenges have made things....bitter.
She was saying how angry he is when he drives now, and he seems upset at many things. Likely because more and more, he can't do things and instead of accepting this, he is angry. I don't think my sister is helping either, because it sounds like she still asks him to do things that he maybe can't do anymore.
I think he could be angry that he is so ill, and that my sister is very likely going to outlive him. I think he resents her health, and likely any attempts by her to plan for the future (that might very well be without him).
I am wondering if they are even able to talk about the very real things that are taking place, and if they are talking at all about estate planning, and maybe downsizing their possessions (he has tons of old musical recording equipment and cameras, and speakers and so on that he doesn't use anymore and takes up a ton of room).
I think they should be really thinking about what the last few years of his life are going to be like. Like, is there anything left that he would like to see or do while he is still able?
I don't know how long he has. Maybe not many GOOD years. I'm wondering if it would help to talk to a counselor about how he is feeling about maybe dying, because I don't know if he is able to talk about it with my sister.
I would really hate to see him die, and this is how things are between them. They have been together for over 40 years, they both deserve better.
Today I learned that many clams and mollusks can swim short distances by opening and closing their shells. It makes sense, but I really did not know they could do that. I thought that once they were past the nymph stage and had a heavy shell, that they were committed to the area they embedded.
Sunny today, and for the first time in a long time, it didn't rain. What a wacky year. We had a dry enough spring that we really needed the rain, and now it is so sopping wet everywhere that it is causing problems.
I went to a yard sale and found six blank canvases very cheap, and they are on wooden frames. I have a whole bunch of blank canvases now, so I could really get going with the acrylics/oils and not feel guilty if they are a bit mediocre, since the canvases were so cheap.
I came home and mowed as much as I could. Parts of the yard are literally under water, so it will be a while before I can mow that.
I pulled tons of weeds too. I couldn't really do that for the last two weeks for all the rain, and the weeds are taking over. The nice thing is, the ground is so soft that they are coming out easily.
I talked with my sister E for a while, and I feel sad for her that it sounds like things are pretty rough between her and her husband. They likely always did bicker a lot, but I think his health challenges have made things....bitter.
She was saying how angry he is when he drives now, and he seems upset at many things. Likely because more and more, he can't do things and instead of accepting this, he is angry. I don't think my sister is helping either, because it sounds like she still asks him to do things that he maybe can't do anymore.
I think he could be angry that he is so ill, and that my sister is very likely going to outlive him. I think he resents her health, and likely any attempts by her to plan for the future (that might very well be without him).
I am wondering if they are even able to talk about the very real things that are taking place, and if they are talking at all about estate planning, and maybe downsizing their possessions (he has tons of old musical recording equipment and cameras, and speakers and so on that he doesn't use anymore and takes up a ton of room).
I think they should be really thinking about what the last few years of his life are going to be like. Like, is there anything left that he would like to see or do while he is still able?
I don't know how long he has. Maybe not many GOOD years. I'm wondering if it would help to talk to a counselor about how he is feeling about maybe dying, because I don't know if he is able to talk about it with my sister.
I would really hate to see him die, and this is how things are between them. They have been together for over 40 years, they both deserve better.
Today I learned that many clams and mollusks can swim short distances by opening and closing their shells. It makes sense, but I really did not know they could do that. I thought that once they were past the nymph stage and had a heavy shell, that they were committed to the area they embedded.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 09:19 am (UTC)If he is willing to talk to someone, absolutely a counselor is a good idea. If he doesn't like the first, he can always try another, but talking it out is the only way through. He is being hit with a TON and it's more than one person can handle. Even with a counselor it's not likely to be perfect, but at least it won't keep getting worse. And maybe they can find some way forward. If there is real love and relationship there, that will be able to take it the rest of the way after he can talk to someone a few times or more.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 10:33 am (UTC)Asking him to downsize his recording equipment might come across as...you're not going to need this anymore, are you?
My sister wanting to address any loose ends might come across as being cold.
I hope they do talk to someone, though who knows what kind of long-held things might surface. People say a lot of hurtful things when they are hurting.
I know they love each other, and I wouldn't want to see their last years together ruined.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 11:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-10 09:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-12 12:52 pm (UTC)I hope E and her husband get some sort of counseling to work through these issues as their lives change.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-12 10:40 pm (UTC)I hope my sister E can get help too, or at least someone to talk to, and start working with her husband about how he is feeling and what he needs right now. They have been together for so long, it would be awful if this is how things end up for them.