Saturday, July 23

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Another lovely summer day.

Talking to Sister S. It got depressing, as it almost always does when I talk with S. I used to think that was my fault, but every conversation I have with her dwells on the sadness in our family, not balanced by positive things. With my other sisters, there is more balance in our conversations.

I do often start with talking about something sad, like my sister E's husband, but it seems to stay there, talking about the sadness of one thing after another.

We COULD talk about S's grand kids, or her yard, or just about anything else. It doesn't ever seem to drift back to anything that I am doing (conversations with others in my family almost never includes positive things that I am doing with River, or pottery, or painting, or going for walks, or my animals).

I wonder why we never talk about the positive things in my life, why they never ask, or change the topic if I try to talk about River or painting?

I will amend that, sister E likes to talk about River and pottery and painting.

Sister S likes to talk about sadness and getting old and death.

So that led to me feeling like crap all day, though I tried not to.

I am very grateful that my husband is finally ready to hire someone to move us ahead again.

Primary goal: to get everything out of the sea can, and into the house, so that we can sell the sea can and get it gone.

I feel like we are becoming dependent on having it as a storage unit, which is DANGEROUS. It was meant to be temporary, not permanent, and here we are three years later, and most of the stuff we put in there is still there, and my husband is starting to store other shit in there, like...wood.

Obstacle: we have no where for this stuff to go in our house yet. The basement is not ready, the mudroom is not ready, the small room upstairs that is supposed to be for my books is not ready.

Potential solution: to get the bedroom built in the basement, and for a while, use it to store my books and fabric. Get rid of some of the stuff in storage, since we haven't needed it for three years, and either put in the garage or get rid of the remaining windows and this set of cupboards my husband took from friends that he swears he wants to save as wood for other projects.

So, since things are taking a very long time, and we only have two months before it gets colder again (and there is no way my husband can have that bedroom built in two months' time), I suggested we get that room built by the guy who built the stairs.

My Sweetie actually agreed, though this is not the first time that I have made this proposal. I think he does recognize the need to get rid of the sea can, and that we are running out of time for it to happen this year.

I texted the carpenter as soon as I got off the phone with my Sweetie, and he CAN come and work on it soon, so that is now in motion.

I went to town. I went to the pottery studio to pick up some pottery pieces that finally got fired. They turned out really well. I am not making anything new right now.

I went to Winner's for retail therapy.

I got groceries, as well as some clearance plants. Some are tomatoes, since several of the ones I planted look like they are dying. I am very grateful for getting groceries, and for my strong body that can drive to town and walk around and then haul it all inside and put it away.

The snack known as nachos, with melted cheese and jalepenos etc. was invented at the Victory Club in 1940, and named after it's creator (Ignacio aka Nacho).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ignacio_Anaya?sometextdownhere

Comments

[ratunderpaper]

It is depressing to hear of/read about an older person's descent into loneliness and failing health and the inertia to do anything about it. I read a post by a lady on Quora who wrote about it today, and it is ghastly. She did not appear to have done anything when she was younger to develop interests or activities. Her life was dedicated to waiting for occasional grandchildren visits. That in itself is depressing.

It is good to hear that spouse is on board with getting hometime done before the cold weather begins. It must be an enormous relief to know that the carpenter fellow is available for the work.

[gottawonder]

My Sister S isn't lonely, and I don't know that she is depressed, but every conversation that I have with her seems to just focus on the sad side of family.

I DO sometimes start this, because the only people I can talk to about how sad things are sometimes is other family.

Right now (and maybe from here on?) a great deal is sad about my family. I come from a big family with six sisters and two brothers, and I am the youngest. Guess what that means.

My oldest three sisters are fairly close in age, and they are all roughly 20 years older than I am. So, around 70.

My sister N is one of them, and she is the one that is very ill most of the time, and recently got knee surgery. We are all hoping that this helps her.

Trainwreck sister is only 12 years older than I am, but is in terrible shape because of a life of alcoholism, smoking, and likely drugs.

Sister S is doing okay, but she IS 70 and a life-long smoker who doesn't make a point of exercising or anything. She's doing okay. She has a grown son, and two grand kids, and she has a husband who is a lot younger than she is, and is doing okay.

She still runs her own book-keeping/income tax business and does well with it.

We just never seem to talk about nice things, and for some reason we rarely end up talking about me, and what I have going on that is positive.

We'll talk about my frustrations with the house, but not the fact that my husband and I went to Weird Al together, or that we went to the park down the road, or that I am doing a lot with River, or that kind of thing.

Maybe because in my family, it is always the negative things that get attention? If you are doing well, maybe then they don't feel you need to talk?

My sister E will talk about positive things. Trainwreck gets bored if I talk about the good things.

I think we have all trained each other to dwell on the negative.

I am glad that my husband is ready to get more done by the carpenter, because it will help with emptying the sea can, and if we can get it out of our yard and sold, then even better.

We do NOT need to keep that thing there and keep putting more stuff in it. It is a terrible temptation.

A real sign that it is a bad thing to get used to, is I tried explaining to Trainwreck (a big time hoarder) that we needed to get rid of that menace, and she was all like "but WHY? Those things are great for storage, I would LOVE to have a few of those around!".

If it stays any longer, I just know my husband is going to start putting "building materials" in it. The sooner it is gone, the better.

[ratunderpaper]

It's better that spouse doesn't get the idea that he's got a nice big shed for his building hooey. You'll never be rid of it.

One has to plan to be socially and culturally relevant NOW before age takes that relevance away. One of my friends is already winding down (she quit ballet for the occasional walk with her spouse), and it is frightening.

[gottawonder]

That is EXACTLY my fears with this storage sea can. It is so very handy to just say we'll throw something in there because there is nowhere else for it right now, but what a person must consider, is that if there is really no room for more things, well...then there is no more room.

He already has a good-sized garage, and a car bay that was meant for the tractor is full of salvaged wood. Then he built a tarp-quonset beside the garage for the tractor, and it is now being used for storage. There is wood stored behind the garage.

I have said to my husband that we need to empty that quonset so that we can get the tractor off of the driveway, and I know we could do it. It isn't stacked to the rafters, it mainly just has a stack of lumber on the ground, but that is enough that we can't park anything there.

We just can't get into the mindset that the solution is always just to add more storage. I've seen that one in action at other people's homes.

[sherlockishere]

That's GREAT news about being able to hire a carpenter! What a relief!

[gottawonder]

Well, keep in mind the contractor is only doing one small thing. We have a long way to go, and building the walls for this bedroom is only one small part of it all.