Monday, August 1

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Feeling okay today mood-wise. I don't know if it is just hormones, or if it is truly about external issues, but my moods can get so overwhelming. Today (and for a few days) I have just felt....nice. Not up, not down, not angry or frustrated or tired. Just good.

Why can't I feel like that most days, and save the sturm and drang for when it is truly necessary?

I felt even through out the day, okay with little annoyances, no weird hovering anxiety or sense of mortal dread, just doing my thing and being present. It was nice.

It was broody and stormy again. Later in the day we had a good storm again, though not nearly as dramatic as the one a few days ago. More rain.

My Sweetie left to visit his family. They don't live that far from where all of mine are.

He had a good, uneventful trip (got there in the wee hours).

Today after he left, I went to town.

I found a bluetooth speaker. I have been wanting one to take to the barn. I'm not sure if I'll use it much in the summer because there are always people around, but many of these people don't come in the winter, and often I am in the arena alone. Music might be nice.

I will also use it in different parts of the house.

Then I got groceries, and it wasn't one of my huge hauls, just average. I am always grateful to be able to get food.

I came home, and because it was storming, I just went in and had a little nap with the kitties.

I did manage to get everyone out in their pastures for a while, but no point in mowing or pulling weeds.

Then I did some painting.

I learned that that the US military controls 22.4% of all the land in O'ahu, Hawaii (85,718 acres out of 382,148 acres). I knew there was a lot of air and marine activity there, but I didn't know it was THAT much!

https://www.culturalsurvival.org/publications/cultural-survival-quarterly/nation-under-gun-militarism-and-resistance-hawaii

Comments

[ratunderpaper]

You can send me a bit of your positive energy. I'm an old, tired drumstick today, as Ringo once said but I don't remember where. (Yellow Submarine?)

[gottawonder]

Yes, you may bask in the glow of my zen-like peace, though it may not last long ;).

[ratunderpaper]

I'll take it; I'm simultaneously walking on imaginary eggshells and sneering at the futility of doing so.

[gottawonder]

Why walking on eggshells, is someone else kind of touchy right now?

[ratunderpaper]

They're imaginary eggshells. There's so much anger and unrest in the world that I imagine it spilling into everyday life. There are disgruntled people around... not at home, but around.

[gottawonder]

Yes, I know what you mean. I often feel such disbelief at people's ire any time something good could happen.

I see people actually furious at the idea of trying to do something about climate change, their outrage at any suggestion that...maybe we should move away from fossil fuel.

Outrage at the idea of sharing wealth with the poor. Fury at the idea that people should be free to love whom they may be fortunate enough to love with. More fury at the idea of women actually being people in their own right and having freedom, and opinions, and a role to play in governing the world. That maybe it is not a weakness to vaccinate against a virus that has been known to kill and maim. That we might consider protecting others.

Anything I've read, suggests that such relentless outrage is driven by fear. Fear. Fear.

Normally one would use reason to quell fear, gentleness or compassion. Nothing seems to reach these people, all they think is that you're coming for them. To them, your words are all lies. Castrating, lobotomizing lies.

And there are so many of them.

[ratunderpaper]

Its origin is fear, I agree, but the thinking of these angry people is that a) there are many of them, and b) they have the power and misguided knowledge to band together as a group and squash whatever they fear or don't like.

The notion that a couple of hours "doing research" on Google is the same as or superior to years of study, research, abstracts and review by a science- and/or medicine based elite is stunning. The fear is also a long-simmering resentment that "the little guy", once seen as inferior, is championed. We have the former president to thank for that delusional thinking. If religion is thrown into the mix, it is a time-bomb of socio-political unrest.

[ratunderpaper]

And that's only one issue - don't get me started on the others.

[cf2princessawnw]

Have you ever tracked your hormones to know how they may or may not affect you? One of my friends, a no-nonsense businesswoman, finally got an app and it's helped her a lot from killing a few people (her husband and clients namely lol). But in seriousness, maybe it would help to know if that is it, or if something else is helping you feel the way you want. Then maybe you can get more days like that. <3

[gottawonder]

Okay, that's hilarious what you said about your friend killing people.

My sister E said she had to take "No-Kill Pills" to get her through menopause.

I really should track these days, and I suspect that they ARE hormone related. Yet, I also suspect that my rage is at least partly influenced by slow progress on the house.

[cf2princessawnw]

She said once that she was ready to murder to husband (for something so understandably deserving of at least a "you INSANE IDIOT?!" (just dumb stuff) and then checked her app... and her attitude... just in time. ;)

Hope it can help you separate it from the totally understandable rage as well. Whatever can get more good days!

[lantairvlea]

I love my Bluetooth headphones I got last year. I used to just work in silence and then I started playing some music just from my phone speaker while working with client horses, but it's nice being able to just touch it on and off and listen to music or interesting podcasts as I'm doing my thing. I keep it quiet enough I can still hear the horses' footfalls and squeaky leather.

Hurrah for days with good mental headspace.