Thursday, October 27
Oct. 27th, 2022 11:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
A little windy today, but still above freezing and sunny. Good enough for this time of year.
The contractors said I had done a good job of making enough space for them to get to the windows upstairs, so that is good. They were able to replace the two windows in the upstairs bedroom that I use to store clothes.
I was also able to sleep through their work in the morning.
I spoke with Trainwreck sister, and as I often do, I felt badly for her. It is like hearing someone screaming in another part of your house, and knowing there is no point at all in trying to help them, so you try to go about your day.
She needs to move, but does not have enough money for the average apartment. The only low-rent option for her would be a suite in the lodge, which is not a bad option, and really, she is 61 so it isn't outrageous that she might consider living there.
BUT. What she is thinking of doing, is renting said suite, but still keeping her other current property, which is an ancient, crumbling trailer full of shit with a huge (used to be a commercial garage) building also full of shit, and a yard full of shit. She would sort of...sleep and bathe and wash clothes (but not LIVE there) at the suite, and I guess still keep going back and forth out to the shithole trailer...for shits and giggles I guess. To visit her crap.
Just like I thought she would do if she was allowed to live in Mom's house.
Well, none of it has happened yet, and it won't affect me, other than that feeling of having someone screaming in your house somewhere.
She is drowning in her stuff, and she would like to throw it all out, but she can't. People have done it for her before, and in a few years she is right back to where she was. You can't help her.
Her drinking, smoking, hoarding, and general disregard for social conventions mean that living in any apartment building will likely result in her speedy eviction. That is why it doesn't even make sense to try to help her into an apartment or a rental home.
The only place that ever works for her, is some abandoned property far away from any by law enforcement.
So that was depressing, to hear again how trapped she is in her own cage.
Then I spoke with Sister E, and while she is more a normal clutter-y person, she too is starting to seriously think about the stuff they have, as they get older. She and her husband are probably only a few years away from needing to move, and I suspect that it will be when his health fails completely, so she will have to do it alone.
All of this ties in with my anxiety about all the stuff I am bringing in now from the sea can. Sure, it's been there all along, but now that we are moving it into the house, it is overwhelming.
Tonight I brought in several boxes, went though some of them, and put some things into places they belong, and put some things into the garbage, and put some things into the box to be donated.
Part of me wouldn't have felt too badly about just about everything in that sea can just being donated, except for a few knick knacks and the books.
One good thing, is that to make room for some wine glasses, I decided to look at the contents of the top shelf of a kitchen cupboard. Lots of stale things that I would never eat (old peanuts, old coconut flakes, empty spice jars) so it wasn't too hard to toss it all and found some room for the glasses.
I do find myself fantasizing about more serenely uncluttered spaces than mine, and wondering what compulsion makes it so hard for me to achieve that kind of spaciousness.
Some of it is my sentimental streak. I keep things for the memories they hold, or for the feeling I get when I look at them. A lot of what I have does not serve a purpose other than to be visually interesting.
Today I learned that Tokyo, Japan used to be the city of Edo. I have seen many historic works of art referencing Edo, and it makes more sense now.
I also learned that Tokyo is a city that has grown right over the many rivers and canals that used to serve as lanes of traffic and commerce, as well as natural features. As many cities do, Tokyo started building many bridges over the waterways, then lots of buildings on those bridges, and so on, until they became completely covered.
When Tokyo was Edo, it was compared to Venice for it's lovely canals.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tokyo
https://outpostmagazine.com/ancient-rivers-high-tech-islands-tokyo/
A little windy today, but still above freezing and sunny. Good enough for this time of year.
The contractors said I had done a good job of making enough space for them to get to the windows upstairs, so that is good. They were able to replace the two windows in the upstairs bedroom that I use to store clothes.
I was also able to sleep through their work in the morning.
I spoke with Trainwreck sister, and as I often do, I felt badly for her. It is like hearing someone screaming in another part of your house, and knowing there is no point at all in trying to help them, so you try to go about your day.
She needs to move, but does not have enough money for the average apartment. The only low-rent option for her would be a suite in the lodge, which is not a bad option, and really, she is 61 so it isn't outrageous that she might consider living there.
BUT. What she is thinking of doing, is renting said suite, but still keeping her other current property, which is an ancient, crumbling trailer full of shit with a huge (used to be a commercial garage) building also full of shit, and a yard full of shit. She would sort of...sleep and bathe and wash clothes (but not LIVE there) at the suite, and I guess still keep going back and forth out to the shithole trailer...for shits and giggles I guess. To visit her crap.
Just like I thought she would do if she was allowed to live in Mom's house.
Well, none of it has happened yet, and it won't affect me, other than that feeling of having someone screaming in your house somewhere.
She is drowning in her stuff, and she would like to throw it all out, but she can't. People have done it for her before, and in a few years she is right back to where she was. You can't help her.
Her drinking, smoking, hoarding, and general disregard for social conventions mean that living in any apartment building will likely result in her speedy eviction. That is why it doesn't even make sense to try to help her into an apartment or a rental home.
The only place that ever works for her, is some abandoned property far away from any by law enforcement.
So that was depressing, to hear again how trapped she is in her own cage.
Then I spoke with Sister E, and while she is more a normal clutter-y person, she too is starting to seriously think about the stuff they have, as they get older. She and her husband are probably only a few years away from needing to move, and I suspect that it will be when his health fails completely, so she will have to do it alone.
All of this ties in with my anxiety about all the stuff I am bringing in now from the sea can. Sure, it's been there all along, but now that we are moving it into the house, it is overwhelming.
Tonight I brought in several boxes, went though some of them, and put some things into places they belong, and put some things into the garbage, and put some things into the box to be donated.
Part of me wouldn't have felt too badly about just about everything in that sea can just being donated, except for a few knick knacks and the books.
One good thing, is that to make room for some wine glasses, I decided to look at the contents of the top shelf of a kitchen cupboard. Lots of stale things that I would never eat (old peanuts, old coconut flakes, empty spice jars) so it wasn't too hard to toss it all and found some room for the glasses.
I do find myself fantasizing about more serenely uncluttered spaces than mine, and wondering what compulsion makes it so hard for me to achieve that kind of spaciousness.
Some of it is my sentimental streak. I keep things for the memories they hold, or for the feeling I get when I look at them. A lot of what I have does not serve a purpose other than to be visually interesting.
Today I learned that Tokyo, Japan used to be the city of Edo. I have seen many historic works of art referencing Edo, and it makes more sense now.
I also learned that Tokyo is a city that has grown right over the many rivers and canals that used to serve as lanes of traffic and commerce, as well as natural features. As many cities do, Tokyo started building many bridges over the waterways, then lots of buildings on those bridges, and so on, until they became completely covered.
When Tokyo was Edo, it was compared to Venice for it's lovely canals.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tokyo
https://outpostmagazine.com/ancient-rivers-high-tech-islands-tokyo/
no subject
Date: 2022-10-28 07:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-29 07:07 am (UTC)My sister has been forced into moving and leaving things behind to be destroyed by the authorities, or had things just thrown away because she had to move. She does resent that.
She seems fine to give things away, knowing that someone else will use them. I get that.
She has even sold some things, and was okay with it.
The problem is when something is kind of shabby, and you know no one else would take it, so it pretty much has to be thrown out, though it has the POTENTIAL to be repaired. Or, when it is a pile of old books or magazines that because there is just so much of them, no one would take them.
I understand all of those feelings.
Her issue mainly is the SHEER VOLUME of it. You really can't "go through" a giant shop full of stuff that she has hoarded over the last 15 years. It used to be a commercial mechanic's shop, you can fit about five or six cars in it if they were parked tight, and there is a loft over it all. You could park two or three sea cans in it, and there is still the loft. The yard has piles everywhere. The house is full. FULL!
I don't even know how she CARES about it all. I've told her to pack just what she actually wears and uses in one truckload, and let her sons haul away the rest, but again, the issue is what would happen to it.
I would say that I am a hoarder who works hard to maintain their hoard to a somewhat functional state. I am good at keeping the main parts of our house reasonably picked up and usable, but I have too much stuff. My husband would think he is NOT that way, but I pointed out that his garage is FULL to the point that he can't put a vehicle in it, and never has. He can't really work in his shop, either. There is no space to move around in it. That whole building, which is a pretty good size, is full. Then, he starts piling stuff around it until I scream at him.
I have all of the emotional issues towards material things that my sister does.
I hate throwing things away, but I can give away things or sell them, even though it isn't easy at times to do so. If I knew for sure it would be loved/used by others it would be a lot easier. I have no problem getting rid of actual junk, like broken things or soiled beyond use, or even things that just aren't beautiful or useful.
A book that wasn't that good? Gone. A stack of egg cartons? Gone. Broken plant pots? Gone. With her, they go to one side, and she means to get rid of them, but doesn't. Then other things get piled on top, and it all gets lost.
The other problem, is that somehow you have to change your habits. As in, not bring many new things in. That isn't easy. If I saw some perfectly good plant pots sitting at the edge of the dump, I would probably take them. Same with a pile of usable lumber (which has often become usable in our building projects).
I love thrift stores, and I feel like I spend less money there, but I rarely NEED the things I buy. Sometimes, like buying a nice set of dishes for my husband to take to his work apartment, or DVDs for cheap entertainment since there are no stores any more, and we don't have subscriptions.
It's a struggle.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-29 07:50 am (UTC)I have little patience for blokes in their dotage who lovingly curate comic book libraries at the expense of maintaining decent care for their families. This may be a singular bugbear, but still. There's something distasteful about that level of obsession.
I stopped thinking all of my collected hooey was rare and collectible when I saw lookalike hooey on thrift store shelves.
One day I saw broken guitar strings in my jewelry-making jar. I'd decided I would use them someday, I suppose, though I know I never will. Who keeps broken guitar strings? Out they go!
I don't touch other people's hooey. But it sure is hooey. It's very tempting to do away with it.
I think that if you put a hoarder in a mansion, they will fill it - there's never enough space to satisfy the kind of need a hoarder has.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-29 09:18 am (UTC)Even just a few years ago, before her partner died, they separated for a while. She rented a cute little house, and there was this part of her that was like "I love this, it's nearly empty!". She was still saying how nearly empty it was when it was already stacked with stuff.
I went to visit her, and she had really only just moved in, and it was just jammed full of stuff. She still thought it was very empty compared to her normal living conditions.
She had also bought a more or less condemned house to store things, and had filled it completely.
When she and her partner reconciled, she took some stuff back, let the condemned house be sold as is after taking some of it back (leaving it to the new owners to take it all to the dump), and I have no idea what she left behind at the rental house.
She is not living in a mansion, but that garage is massive, and it is pretty full. I know that there is no point in giving her a large space, or a nice space. It will be filled and ruined in short order.
What she needs is a single room in a supervised living space, like minimum security prison. Only if she also gets therapy. She probably could never live on her own again.
This is partly why it means so much to me to get that sea can out of our yard. It served a purpose (storage for the transition period of tearing down the trailer to having our now home ready), but it has already gone past the timeline where I felt we should have dealt with it.
I didn't store new stuff in there, just what was supposed to be in there. My husband though, started putting materials salvaged from the trailer in there, and then even some shit our friends gave him (a lot of that is gone, last weekend I told him to take it all to the Re-Store).
So, it has to go. We have more than enough space for two people for storage, and more storage space just invites more hoarding. Most of what was in the trailer should be fine coming back into the house, but I am getting rid of things as I go through them, too.