Sunday, February 5
Feb. 6th, 2023 01:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
More gorgeous weather a little above freezing.
My sweet animals.
That I have enough money to be comfortable and have options.
Never is this more clear than when I talk to Trainwreck. So, here she is. Her septic tank is frozen up. She COULD have gone under there this past fall and put heat tape on it, but no. She COULD go under there with a heat gun and thaw it out, since there is usually one spot they like to freeze, but no.
Most people could call a septic company who would come out and use a steam hose to thaw it out. She can't afford it.
So instead of just straight up asking for help, even though what she NEEDS to do is live in an apartment or low-income housing so that she doesn't have unexpected expenses, she just tells a horror story about her life.
How she is just wearing clothes until they are too dirty to wear, then she'll throw them away rather than needing to wash them (can't run a washer into a frozen septic tank) since she has lots of clothes.
How she'll just wash with a pail of water and a face cloth once a week (even though all kinds of people have offered to have her come shower at their place). THAT'S FINE, after all.
How she's just going to the bathroom in a pail and throwing it out on the side of the road. You know, as one does.
No, she's FINE. FINE. She doesn't need any help!!!
Here's the thing, talking to my Sister E today, she might try to pay to have someone go thaw out Trainwreck's septic tank....if they can get to it. If Trainwreck will even let them see how she's living, since she knows damn well that someone like that might put in a call to social services about her hoarding issues.
So, I was trying to be firm again to Trainwreck about trying harder to take care of herself, and to take people up on using their showers and washing her sheets and so on. People in undeveloped nations get gross skin infections like boils, or yeast in folds of the body, or fungal infections, or even SCABIES because they aren't clean enough.
If she's wearing dirty clothes (with famously no underwear, as she likes to tell everyone within hearing distance) for days, and not bathing properly, and sleeping in dirty sheets, using dirty towels, and handling her own feces in a pail as she dumps it out on the side of the road (E Coli anyone?) she is at great risk for things that come with poor hygiene.
I told her that living in that filth hole is also likely hard on her lungs. Full of dust and dust mites, maybe even mold (she says the floor in the bathroom is rotten from a bad seal around the base of the toilet).
When is it enough to be rock bottom finally? When will she finally admit she needs help? REAL HELP. Is it not enough to be crapping in a pail and dumping it on the side of the road? Is that not rock bottom yet?
She keeps saying she can start doing something in the spring. Like what? She could have found homes for her cats (she won't be able to take them to an apartment or low income housing) by now, and got her name on the application for low income housing already, but no.
So, I am pretty sure she's going to be there again next winter. Do we keep trying to help her? All that does is to enable her.
Sigh.
So, after venting to Sister E (thank you Sister E), a bit, Sister E mentioned that they GOT the house in town, so now they have to start the ball rolling on downsizing and moving, and so on. They don't take possession until the end of May, so that helps.
I went to see River, and it was kind of a mental contrast to go from trying to deal with Trainwreck to something as...civilized...as going to work with my nice horse.
The Sunday rider was there for a moment as I was leaving and we chatted pleasantly.
Earl came and lovingly yelled at me until I gave him some attention. Ruby joined in.
River did well overall, though I think he was hungry. R and K were likely out having supper with her parents (they often do on Sunday, their one day off) and I'm sure they were fed later. He just hadn't eaten when I was there, so he was concerned about supper.
He did better overall on the backing and such. We worked on getting him to stay closer to me when doing a Liberty circle (he tends to want to go out to the wall). We did ONE pass at the gate obstacle, we did better at it, and I left it at that.
I probably still worked him a little too long, but not bad for trying not to drill him too many times. Most things we did once or twice and that was it.
I came home, and noticed that my Sweetie hadn't returned any of my texts (I let him know when I am going to the barn, when I'm driving home, etc. for safety).
His phone no longer holds a charge, and he couldn't reach me. He managed to finally text me about two hours after we normally have our evening phone call that his phone wasn't holding any charge.
SO. Here's the thing. His phone hasn't been holding charge for MONTHS. I've been trying to get him to...you guessed it...replace it! This is just like the pants and his car. He's only going to replace it when it fails completely.
So now, he pretty much has to have it plugged in all the time to use it at all. I'm not sure if he has a different phone at work or not.
I imagine it has finally gotten bad enough that when he comes home in a few days we will now HAVE to go get a phone (I wonder if he will know what he wants, or if that will mean going to five different stores), but I don't even know how much I can talk with him now, if the battery gets too run down.
Update: He just went ahead and ordered another phone, and it should be here for him to pick up when he comes home. Yay for an uncomplicated solution!
So there you have it. A long day of being frustrated with other people not doing what needs to be done to take care of themselves.
I came home from riding and had a bath in honor of Trainwreck, and had a nap because I am just tired.
That the game of bowling can be traced back to Egypt, five thousand years ago! Recognizable balls and pins have been unearthed, as well as pictographs. Of course the game was likely not played exactly the same way.
They are still renting the same shoes out in present day bowling alleys (haha).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling
More gorgeous weather a little above freezing.
My sweet animals.
That I have enough money to be comfortable and have options.
Never is this more clear than when I talk to Trainwreck. So, here she is. Her septic tank is frozen up. She COULD have gone under there this past fall and put heat tape on it, but no. She COULD go under there with a heat gun and thaw it out, since there is usually one spot they like to freeze, but no.
Most people could call a septic company who would come out and use a steam hose to thaw it out. She can't afford it.
So instead of just straight up asking for help, even though what she NEEDS to do is live in an apartment or low-income housing so that she doesn't have unexpected expenses, she just tells a horror story about her life.
How she is just wearing clothes until they are too dirty to wear, then she'll throw them away rather than needing to wash them (can't run a washer into a frozen septic tank) since she has lots of clothes.
How she'll just wash with a pail of water and a face cloth once a week (even though all kinds of people have offered to have her come shower at their place). THAT'S FINE, after all.
How she's just going to the bathroom in a pail and throwing it out on the side of the road. You know, as one does.
No, she's FINE. FINE. She doesn't need any help!!!
Here's the thing, talking to my Sister E today, she might try to pay to have someone go thaw out Trainwreck's septic tank....if they can get to it. If Trainwreck will even let them see how she's living, since she knows damn well that someone like that might put in a call to social services about her hoarding issues.
So, I was trying to be firm again to Trainwreck about trying harder to take care of herself, and to take people up on using their showers and washing her sheets and so on. People in undeveloped nations get gross skin infections like boils, or yeast in folds of the body, or fungal infections, or even SCABIES because they aren't clean enough.
If she's wearing dirty clothes (with famously no underwear, as she likes to tell everyone within hearing distance) for days, and not bathing properly, and sleeping in dirty sheets, using dirty towels, and handling her own feces in a pail as she dumps it out on the side of the road (E Coli anyone?) she is at great risk for things that come with poor hygiene.
I told her that living in that filth hole is also likely hard on her lungs. Full of dust and dust mites, maybe even mold (she says the floor in the bathroom is rotten from a bad seal around the base of the toilet).
When is it enough to be rock bottom finally? When will she finally admit she needs help? REAL HELP. Is it not enough to be crapping in a pail and dumping it on the side of the road? Is that not rock bottom yet?
She keeps saying she can start doing something in the spring. Like what? She could have found homes for her cats (she won't be able to take them to an apartment or low income housing) by now, and got her name on the application for low income housing already, but no.
So, I am pretty sure she's going to be there again next winter. Do we keep trying to help her? All that does is to enable her.
Sigh.
So, after venting to Sister E (thank you Sister E), a bit, Sister E mentioned that they GOT the house in town, so now they have to start the ball rolling on downsizing and moving, and so on. They don't take possession until the end of May, so that helps.
I went to see River, and it was kind of a mental contrast to go from trying to deal with Trainwreck to something as...civilized...as going to work with my nice horse.
The Sunday rider was there for a moment as I was leaving and we chatted pleasantly.
Earl came and lovingly yelled at me until I gave him some attention. Ruby joined in.
River did well overall, though I think he was hungry. R and K were likely out having supper with her parents (they often do on Sunday, their one day off) and I'm sure they were fed later. He just hadn't eaten when I was there, so he was concerned about supper.
He did better overall on the backing and such. We worked on getting him to stay closer to me when doing a Liberty circle (he tends to want to go out to the wall). We did ONE pass at the gate obstacle, we did better at it, and I left it at that.
I probably still worked him a little too long, but not bad for trying not to drill him too many times. Most things we did once or twice and that was it.
I came home, and noticed that my Sweetie hadn't returned any of my texts (I let him know when I am going to the barn, when I'm driving home, etc. for safety).
His phone no longer holds a charge, and he couldn't reach me. He managed to finally text me about two hours after we normally have our evening phone call that his phone wasn't holding any charge.
SO. Here's the thing. His phone hasn't been holding charge for MONTHS. I've been trying to get him to...you guessed it...replace it! This is just like the pants and his car. He's only going to replace it when it fails completely.
So now, he pretty much has to have it plugged in all the time to use it at all. I'm not sure if he has a different phone at work or not.
I imagine it has finally gotten bad enough that when he comes home in a few days we will now HAVE to go get a phone (I wonder if he will know what he wants, or if that will mean going to five different stores), but I don't even know how much I can talk with him now, if the battery gets too run down.
Update: He just went ahead and ordered another phone, and it should be here for him to pick up when he comes home. Yay for an uncomplicated solution!
So there you have it. A long day of being frustrated with other people not doing what needs to be done to take care of themselves.
I came home from riding and had a bath in honor of Trainwreck, and had a nap because I am just tired.
That the game of bowling can be traced back to Egypt, five thousand years ago! Recognizable balls and pins have been unearthed, as well as pictographs. Of course the game was likely not played exactly the same way.
They are still renting the same shoes out in present day bowling alleys (haha).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling
no subject
Date: 2023-02-07 06:48 am (UTC)I know that hoarders impart a misplaced sense of importance upon valueless items, but the ones I've known are also opaque in regards to their financial security. They don't really place much value on creature comfort and they don't extend financial responsibility to themselves.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-07 08:00 am (UTC)She is a woman who has lived her entire life, since she was twelve, in permanent crisis. Her life has been a series of pretty awful relationships with losers, kids she more or less abused/neglected, animals ditto, and every time she lived somewhere she hoarded it to the gills and we had to go throw it all out so she could move again. You've never seen stuff like this.
It is every bit like those "Hoarder" shows. Then the place gets worse because things don't get fixed, or you can't get to things to fix them, the floor rots, repairs don't happen.
Once she had a house that was so hoarded up the city just tore it down.
She's been an alcoholic and smoked since she was a kid. Likely other stuff. Pain killers.
With this recent hoard, there is no one willing to go throw it all out for her again. Maybe her kids?
So now, it is actually not worse or more awful than it's ever been. She's just getting old on top of it.
You could give her a stipend of $100 a month in credit for fuel, and it wouldn't change the fact that she can't afford to have a plumber come out to fix her septic tank. You could give her $500 a month, and she might be more comfortable, but I bet she still couldn't afford to take her vehicle in to get fixed, or to deal with something like a furnace problem.
All of it would only act to allow her to continue to live out there with her hoard.
It would enable her.
Then she would likely drink and smoke more, because I think she only cut back on those because she can't afford them.
It's kind of like....you could give a homeless person $100 a month. They MIGHT eat a little better, or would they? It wouldn't get them an apartment or help them finish their GED. You could give them a warm jacket and good boots, and that might help. They also might trade them for alcohol or they might throw them out after a month because they can't carry them around when it is warmer. They would need another jacket and new boots again soon.
That's how it is with my sister. A thousand dollars would help for a month or two. Then she would be right back in crisis mode because she is living in a place that is falling apart, and her vehicles are falling apart. Yet, she won't live in an apartment where she could walk or take the bus.
We all do help her by trying to deal with a defined problem when it happens. If we gave her a stipend, we would then be giving her a stipend and STILL helping her with things like tires or her septic system.
Believe me, I've given this some thought.
What she needs is to live in a regulated facility where she has a room to herself, but a tight list of what she can own. Ten shirts, four pairs of pants, and have her basic needs met, and support groups and counselling. Basically to live forever in an addictions center.