![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderI had a fairly lengthy phone conversation with TW today.
She actually has someone who wants to buy her property, and it all sounds like a pure god send, if she can just manage to not fuck it up.
This guy lives not far from this ghost town, and want a garage because he is a "shade tree mechanic" (not really commercial, but does work for people that he knows).
He and his wife have already bought property that was hoarded, and they know what they are getting into. Their pay off is that they know they can buy it for well under market value.
I have concerns: A) my sister says he will pay her in cash, so it won't affect her disability payments and she won't have to pay taxes. On the surface this sounds good, BUT, does she think that no one will notice that her property has changed hands? Does she really think that that will go unnoticed?
B) This guy MIGHT buying her property in cash because he's laundering money.
Anyhow, with a few changes in her plan so that it is LEGAL, I think this could work.
He is willing to give my sister some time to decide what she wants to take, and he will THROW THE REST AWAY HIMSELF.
Now, here's the frustrating part. My sister is already going into "stupid mode" where she's making this harder than it has to be. She's talking about how she needs to "get things cleaned out". I said HE SAID HE WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU. That is the entire point. She could just take what she wants and walk away.
She's fixating on a trailer she has, that is currently filled to the gills with old, now ruined shit. The whole thing is garbage, according to her.
She feels that if she can just get that trailer empty, then she can put what she wants to take with her into it, and when it's full then she's done.
Okay, that doesn't sound so bad. Except she turns it into Mission: Impossible. She says she can't do it herself, so I say hire someone to go to the dump. She says the trailer isn't registered. That her truck isn't registered. The truck doesn't run. The stuff inside is so gross she doesn't want anyone to see it. The trailer is likely ruined inside. She needs to get someone to bring the trailer closer to her house so she can....take ONE BAG OUT A DAY AND BURN IT HERSELF.
Sigh.
So I tried to tell her just to focus on getting that trailer empty, if that's what she needs to do.
I tried to make it a metaphor that she would embrace, and because she loves things to be gritty and profane, I said that how I make it through really tough days, is I focus on the one thing that really needs to happen.
Like, if you only have one "fuck" to give today, establish what has to happen, and nothing else matters.
I said that THAT TRAILER GETTING EMPTY is her one fuck to give until it is done. Don't worry about a garden, or the other piles of stuff, just focus on that stupid trailer getting empty, if that's your ticket to getting out of there.
Her response was to feel sorry for me that my life was so awful that I had to live that way.
I was like, "umm, what, do you think other people don't have hard days? I have LOTS of hard days, and that's how I get through them and still get something done. I pick the most important thing or two, and make sure that I get it done, or I break it down into the steps that I have to take to get it done, and try to get one or two of those done."
Really, this is nothing more than "how to set priorities and make a plan for how you're going to accomplish a task, even if your day sucks".
Why would she think that my life is horrible because I have to set priorities? Why would she even think that my life SHOULDN'T have challenging days? Being alive means that some days are going to be hard, and that's normal.
I mean, moving our house onto our property and living in it on blocks for three months while we tore down the trailer and built the new basement and foundation was PURE HELL, but it was so we could live in a decent house, so there was a good goal and purpose, and that hard stretch wouldn't last forever.
So maybe half of her problem is just how she perceives suffering. There are times when I have a very hard time dealing with circumstances, but the only way out is to come up with a plan, and to try to chew it down a little bit every day, more if you can manage.
That's what I was trying to help her understand; is that she doesn't have to CLEAN UP HER WHOLE PROPERTY, she only has to focus on that trailer getting empty so she can put in what she absolutely must keep.
She actually has someone who wants to buy her property, and it all sounds like a pure god send, if she can just manage to not fuck it up.
This guy lives not far from this ghost town, and want a garage because he is a "shade tree mechanic" (not really commercial, but does work for people that he knows).
He and his wife have already bought property that was hoarded, and they know what they are getting into. Their pay off is that they know they can buy it for well under market value.
I have concerns: A) my sister says he will pay her in cash, so it won't affect her disability payments and she won't have to pay taxes. On the surface this sounds good, BUT, does she think that no one will notice that her property has changed hands? Does she really think that that will go unnoticed?
B) This guy MIGHT buying her property in cash because he's laundering money.
Anyhow, with a few changes in her plan so that it is LEGAL, I think this could work.
He is willing to give my sister some time to decide what she wants to take, and he will THROW THE REST AWAY HIMSELF.
Now, here's the frustrating part. My sister is already going into "stupid mode" where she's making this harder than it has to be. She's talking about how she needs to "get things cleaned out". I said HE SAID HE WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU. That is the entire point. She could just take what she wants and walk away.
She's fixating on a trailer she has, that is currently filled to the gills with old, now ruined shit. The whole thing is garbage, according to her.
She feels that if she can just get that trailer empty, then she can put what she wants to take with her into it, and when it's full then she's done.
Okay, that doesn't sound so bad. Except she turns it into Mission: Impossible. She says she can't do it herself, so I say hire someone to go to the dump. She says the trailer isn't registered. That her truck isn't registered. The truck doesn't run. The stuff inside is so gross she doesn't want anyone to see it. The trailer is likely ruined inside. She needs to get someone to bring the trailer closer to her house so she can....take ONE BAG OUT A DAY AND BURN IT HERSELF.
Sigh.
So I tried to tell her just to focus on getting that trailer empty, if that's what she needs to do.
I tried to make it a metaphor that she would embrace, and because she loves things to be gritty and profane, I said that how I make it through really tough days, is I focus on the one thing that really needs to happen.
Like, if you only have one "fuck" to give today, establish what has to happen, and nothing else matters.
I said that THAT TRAILER GETTING EMPTY is her one fuck to give until it is done. Don't worry about a garden, or the other piles of stuff, just focus on that stupid trailer getting empty, if that's your ticket to getting out of there.
Her response was to feel sorry for me that my life was so awful that I had to live that way.
I was like, "umm, what, do you think other people don't have hard days? I have LOTS of hard days, and that's how I get through them and still get something done. I pick the most important thing or two, and make sure that I get it done, or I break it down into the steps that I have to take to get it done, and try to get one or two of those done."
Really, this is nothing more than "how to set priorities and make a plan for how you're going to accomplish a task, even if your day sucks".
Why would she think that my life is horrible because I have to set priorities? Why would she even think that my life SHOULDN'T have challenging days? Being alive means that some days are going to be hard, and that's normal.
I mean, moving our house onto our property and living in it on blocks for three months while we tore down the trailer and built the new basement and foundation was PURE HELL, but it was so we could live in a decent house, so there was a good goal and purpose, and that hard stretch wouldn't last forever.
So maybe half of her problem is just how she perceives suffering. There are times when I have a very hard time dealing with circumstances, but the only way out is to come up with a plan, and to try to chew it down a little bit every day, more if you can manage.
That's what I was trying to help her understand; is that she doesn't have to CLEAN UP HER WHOLE PROPERTY, she only has to focus on that trailer getting empty so she can put in what she absolutely must keep.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-04 06:40 am (UTC)I've known a couple of hoarders who almost enjoy making their situation harder to help. "Yeah, but..." and there's a hint of a twinkle in the eye.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-04 06:58 am (UTC)In that moment, we do wonder if change is really what we want, our current situation might be absolute hell, but there is some kind of security in it being, well, KNOWN. The real fear is the gaping chasm of the unknown, or the uncertain.
I have to say, I would want to be DAMN sure that I sold it legally, and she SHOULD find out from our very knowledgeable Sister S if there is a way to receive the money without it harming her benefits; I am sure there is something about principal residence money, like if she put it straight into another place to live or something. Probably her income is so low that the amount she said she was getting wouldn't even affect her tax status. It might affect her benefits.
She should do everything in her power to do this legit. She can't risk any charges if she were found to be hiding income.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-04 07:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-05 01:34 am (UTC)