Thursday, June 1

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Cooler weather, but only teased about rain with clouds.

I did the dishes, changed the sheets, and started some laundry.

Today was buckle down day on the garden. It was all ready for me to start planting, so I did.

I did plant a little of it a week or so ago, but today I managed to get everything else in. I also laid down more hay for walking paths, and then watered everything.

Part way through planting, my Sweetie got home. He planted some onions, and then he mowed for a while.

He let everyone out into their pastures for a while.

We came in and watched the animated movie "Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse". If you are into the superhero movies at all, this is great. We are hoping to watch the next film in the theater this weekend if we can make it.

Then I tried to get my husband to plan what we need to do this weekend, and he immediately got very defensive. I don't know why. Maybe he was just tired?

I always try to talk to him about our "home time" goals, a mix of things he needs to get done and a mix of what I feel needs to be done.

It just makes sense, doesn't it?

Yet, he just got upset right away. When I asked him calmly to tell me why he was upset, he was like "you're just telling me all the things you want done".

That wasn't remotely what I was doing. I asked him first what his plans were, and what tasks he wanted to tackle on the house, and when he was making trips to town or to the dump so that I had some idea what days things needed to happen, how to still see River on time each day, to figure out what day we were going to go to see a movie, and how to piggyback our tasks so that we could cut down on trips to town and be more efficient in how we grouped tasks.

If I don't do this, he routinely drives to town without ever checking to see when something is open, and wastes trips by being inefficient and driving to town several times when he could have gone once.

I stayed calm, and did not let him just baby-tirade his way out of being responsible and working together to plan our weekend. We did actually get somewhere, but man, why does he have to react like this any time I actually sit him down and try to get some accountability?

For example, he wants to go to the dump. I said "can we also take the stock pile of recycling?" He says "the dump doesn't take recycling".

I said "let's check". The dump most certainly takes recycling.

He also said he "thought it was open until 4 or 5 pm on Saturday" I said "let's make sure". It's only open until 3 pm.

So, if we listen to ME, we get the recycling AND the garbage done in one trip, AND we know what time we have to leave so we don't drive forty minutes and find out it's closed and do NOTHING with our day.

He needs to go to the city tomorrow morning to get a hitch installed on his new to him car. I said "great, can you also look for the replacement tires for the garden cart, and pick up one of those circular clothes lines"?

To make sure we aren't wasting time, I insisted we take a few minutes to research them online so that he doesn't drive to three stores. I showed him what I wanted, and...LOOK, you can even see which store has it in stock!

If I know he's going to the dump on Saturday, I can help him sort the recycling on Friday so that we are ready.

He is only home for a few short days every two weeks. We really have to make the most of his time. If we can be EFFICIENT then maybe there is even time to do something fun and STILL GET SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED.

I'm not making this all about "my needs". Getting tires for that garden cart helps us both, since we use it for all kinds of projects, not just gardening. Getting rid of the tremendous pile of recycling isn't a "me" thing either. Trying to figure out what night makes the most sense to see this movie is for BOTH of us.

Talking to him about finally finishing the insides of the windows is not a "me" thing either. Doesn't HE want to have them done?

I get it, though. I wonder how he even sees this place as his home, when he spends ten days at a work apartment and only four days here out of every two weeks. To him, me wanting to fix something on the house is likely a "me" thing, whereas he would like to ignore it and do something fun instead, or go get the hitch put on his car so that he can get his bike rack on there.

There is no way for me to give him much time just for fun things, much as I would like to do so. If he can't enjoy getting things done around our house, then what are we doing? We signed up for this when we bought an acreage, and then moved a house onto the property that needs work.

It also cannot just be done "at our leisure". We have to keep at it, and always be working towards another part of the project.

In truth, going to the dump is a huge time waster and he does it often time he's home. It takes up most of a day that he should be WORKING ON THE HOUSE. I can take things to the dump. This particular time, it does make more sense that he goes, because there is heavy stuff on there.

Anyhow. I'm so tired. Things move ahead at the slowest pace, if at all. Going to the dump and "buying more material" isn't progress.

I learned that Euskara, also known as the Basque language, is one of the oldest languages spoken on Earth and has no proven connection to any other known language.

It also suffered due to suppression by Spain under the rule of Francisco Franco from 1939 to 1975. Efforts are now being made to preserve the language and to create media in that tongue.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basque_language

Comments

[ratunderpaper]

I hear about "me things" as well, and they are usually hometime projects that have aesthetic value once they are done.

That said, removing a circular saw from the garden bench on the porch is hardly a project - but the saw has been sitting there for three weeks and...?

[gottawonder]

Exactly.

The tiles in the bathroom have gone stagnant. We talked about that today.

It's more than the tiles not being done, it's the fact that until they are done, there is also another area of the basement tied up with the tile saw, the remaining tiles, the bucket of grout, and the tools all just laying spread out on the floor.

We also can't install the tub door until the tile is finished, and until then the door itself is leaning up against a wall.

Every unfinished job means more than an unfinished job, it is the giant pile of materials sitting there taking up space.

Almost half of the basement is full of wood meant to be used in the bedroom upstairs. We cannot use that end of the basement as a workout area or rec room until that's done.

There's a pile of material for insulating and siding the house that is just sitting beside the house, and that area has become a dumping area for all kinds of odds and ends of wood and concrete blocks and crap. None of that will go away until the house is sided.

It makes me so tired.

[ratunderpaper]

Can you move the dumped stuff off to an area that's unseen - ? If not, you might have to start tagging things for dates of dispersal. There's no guarantee that would work, but what you describe is beyond frustrating.

BTW I found a small cache of dumped metal, wood ends and styrofoam in the garage. This made my eyes turn into enraged pinwheels, so I disposed of it.

[gottawonder]

Some of it IS intended for building, but it takes time to actually use it up.

Some of it will go behind the garage where we have an "official storage area", but I bet it's going to be me putting it there.

Some of it should go to the dump.

I want the deadline for clearing that area to be by the end of this summer.

[ratunderpaper]

I'd like to hire one of those GOT JUNK companies to haul away a huge load of dirty gravel that's been sitting at the back for two decades.

(The previous owner made a gravel car park right in the middle of the back yard, and it was, thankfully, removed. But it really should have been removed to a dump.)

End of summer! See if it can be done!

[gottawonder]

Do you have a gravel back alley? What about that empty lot next to you?

I know you have a lot on your plate already, but hear me out. If you can take a pail of gravel with you once a day and dump it in that empty lot, at the end of maybe a year or even less, I bet most of it would be gone.

I know you shouldn't HAVE to do it, but even mountains can be worn down by rain drops.

Or, just put that pile of gravel on buy and sell as free for someone to come pick up. I see ads for decorative rock all the time, as someone else somewhere might want free gravel or rocks, or what have you.

[ratunderpaper]

Exactly this.
I would definitely dump a bucket a day if there were a back alley. The empty lot is now filled by a house and detached garage, but the builders left a lot of debris at the very back of that property. I've hurled things there previously, but there is no more abyss.

However, there is a small space where lazy builders left piles of brick and cement chunks. It is not on my property. I cannot ask anyone about it. But I can toss buckets of gravel over the fence and make a dent in the mess. At least I will act on motivation.

Today, I hauled out all the styrofoam hoard without mention. Sometimes, you have to do these things.

[gottawonder]

Getting rid of styrofoam is at least not something sentimental. Unless there is very good reason for keeping it, definitely an easy thing to toss.

Good luck with diminishing the pile of gravel. Twenty years is a long time to look at such an eyesore.

Would it even be possible to put a bag of it into your household garbage bin every week? I doubt anyone would care.

[ratunderpaper]

Thing is, the gravel was "stored" in an area that was meant to be a secret garden. It is not visible; it is behind a tall wooden fence.

Next year! The gravel would be cleared out next year! That was many next years ago.

I had an idea to put gravel under the irregular flagstone edging I set a dozen years ago. I wasn't able to do it then, and the edging didn't seem to need an underlayment, but it might be a good solution.

[gottawonder]

It would be nice to clear out that area that was to be a "secret garden" and open it up again to the rest of the yard.

It seems like having an area behind a fence is too much temptation to use it as a dumping area.