Tuesday, July 4
Jul. 5th, 2023 01:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
A little bit of actual rain and not just drizzle. Nice temperatures today.
I got a call from one of my nephews (TW's son), and he was trying to call someone else, but we talked anyhow.
Even though it was crazy early (7 am) for me, it was also nice that we talked. It started out as good manners where we asked each other how we're doing, and became an actual conversation. I get the feeling he doesn't get many of those with people, where they genuinely want to know how things are going.
I will be truthful, his life is a shit show. He is a good person with a good heart, and in many ways is just like his Mom in that his life is a series of things that "happened to him" because he would not MAKE decisions to protect himself.
His wife had five "accidents" with the birth control, he never took control and DECIDED FOR HIMSELF how many children he wanted, he just worked his ass off at not fantastic jobs trying to pay for them.
He at least does not have drug or alcohol issues, doesn't smoke, or anything like that that I know of.
He is EARNEST, in that he KNOWS he's where he is because of his choices, or lack thereof. Mainly he doesn't stand up for himself in life.
They are always very tight on money, with it going out as fast as it comes in, and recently he's had a lot of problems with deposits not going through before the automatic withdrawals for bills go out, leading to cascades of NSF charges that are costing them WAY too much money.
It seems like he understands things like holds on personal checks (I guess some of his carpentry jobs pay this way), and they have figured out some strategies for having some bills come out after certified checks (because there is no hold on them) to guarantee that there is money in the bank, but it still isn't enough.
To me, since it sounds like it is happening a lot, I told him to stop taking personal checks from clients and go straight to all e-transfers only. I also sent him a link to a free debt consolidation/financial support site. I sincerely hope it helps, and that he starts taking some control over things (though it sounds like he's trying).
Once again, I find myself needing to do the same thing as I had to do with his mother (Trainwreck), is to recognize that he is a grown man, and he's been living in chaos as long as he's been an adult, just pushing himself right to the edge all the time by having so many kids.
He is right where he is because of the poor choices he's made, and I see that his kids are not doing well, likely because they are both stretched to the limit just taking care of them and trying to make ends meet, and there's no time for actual parenting. I see a lot of red flags with the kids.
So, I can care a bit, I can try to offer him some advice with the banking, but I CANNOT allow myself to feel in any way guilty for being okay, or overly invested in his dramatic life. He's been living like this his whole adult life, always stressed, broke, and so on.
About half of my family is living in this dramatic and critical state, making very bad choices. The other half are actually doing just fine. Weird, isn't it?
I didn't get much sleep after that, which sucks.
I did go pull grass and weeds at the edge of the garden for an hour.
Then I went to see River.
He was all clean and snowy white after the rain, but as we were walking back to the barn he insisted on rolling in a mud hole. It's actually kind of funny how dirty this horse gets sometimes.
I talked to R about how nuts everyone was on Sunday, and she says she had a very hard time working with any of them that day, as they were all VERY worked up and distracted about who knows what. She says they stayed up at the gate for most of Sunday and yesterday, and wouldn't go out to the pasture. She doesn't know if they were even eating.
At least he seemed okay today.
We didn't have a lot of time as there was someone coming for a lesson, and because the outdoor arena was too wet no one could work there, and the arena is too small for us to share.
So, I did manage to ride for about half an hour before they needed it.
River did okay, at least now he seems less worried about all the transitions (for some reason going from walk to canter and down to a trot and so on makes him worried that he's in trouble) and is not resisting the contact so much, though I'm keeping it light and not too worried about collection.
I came home and let everyone out for a while, and had a little nap.
I learned about Geosmin, a chemical compound that is produced by some blue-green algae and some bacteria.
It is responsible for the earthy flavor of beets, the smell after it rains (petrichor), the musty smell of some drinking water, and the muddy taste of catfish.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geosmin
Not in Wikipedia; the use of Geosmin in perfume (good read).
http://perfumeshrine.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-smell-of-earth-after-rain-geosmin.html
A little bit of actual rain and not just drizzle. Nice temperatures today.
I got a call from one of my nephews (TW's son), and he was trying to call someone else, but we talked anyhow.
Even though it was crazy early (7 am) for me, it was also nice that we talked. It started out as good manners where we asked each other how we're doing, and became an actual conversation. I get the feeling he doesn't get many of those with people, where they genuinely want to know how things are going.
I will be truthful, his life is a shit show. He is a good person with a good heart, and in many ways is just like his Mom in that his life is a series of things that "happened to him" because he would not MAKE decisions to protect himself.
His wife had five "accidents" with the birth control, he never took control and DECIDED FOR HIMSELF how many children he wanted, he just worked his ass off at not fantastic jobs trying to pay for them.
He at least does not have drug or alcohol issues, doesn't smoke, or anything like that that I know of.
He is EARNEST, in that he KNOWS he's where he is because of his choices, or lack thereof. Mainly he doesn't stand up for himself in life.
They are always very tight on money, with it going out as fast as it comes in, and recently he's had a lot of problems with deposits not going through before the automatic withdrawals for bills go out, leading to cascades of NSF charges that are costing them WAY too much money.
It seems like he understands things like holds on personal checks (I guess some of his carpentry jobs pay this way), and they have figured out some strategies for having some bills come out after certified checks (because there is no hold on them) to guarantee that there is money in the bank, but it still isn't enough.
To me, since it sounds like it is happening a lot, I told him to stop taking personal checks from clients and go straight to all e-transfers only. I also sent him a link to a free debt consolidation/financial support site. I sincerely hope it helps, and that he starts taking some control over things (though it sounds like he's trying).
Once again, I find myself needing to do the same thing as I had to do with his mother (Trainwreck), is to recognize that he is a grown man, and he's been living in chaos as long as he's been an adult, just pushing himself right to the edge all the time by having so many kids.
He is right where he is because of the poor choices he's made, and I see that his kids are not doing well, likely because they are both stretched to the limit just taking care of them and trying to make ends meet, and there's no time for actual parenting. I see a lot of red flags with the kids.
So, I can care a bit, I can try to offer him some advice with the banking, but I CANNOT allow myself to feel in any way guilty for being okay, or overly invested in his dramatic life. He's been living like this his whole adult life, always stressed, broke, and so on.
About half of my family is living in this dramatic and critical state, making very bad choices. The other half are actually doing just fine. Weird, isn't it?
I didn't get much sleep after that, which sucks.
I did go pull grass and weeds at the edge of the garden for an hour.
Then I went to see River.
He was all clean and snowy white after the rain, but as we were walking back to the barn he insisted on rolling in a mud hole. It's actually kind of funny how dirty this horse gets sometimes.
I talked to R about how nuts everyone was on Sunday, and she says she had a very hard time working with any of them that day, as they were all VERY worked up and distracted about who knows what. She says they stayed up at the gate for most of Sunday and yesterday, and wouldn't go out to the pasture. She doesn't know if they were even eating.
At least he seemed okay today.
We didn't have a lot of time as there was someone coming for a lesson, and because the outdoor arena was too wet no one could work there, and the arena is too small for us to share.
So, I did manage to ride for about half an hour before they needed it.
River did okay, at least now he seems less worried about all the transitions (for some reason going from walk to canter and down to a trot and so on makes him worried that he's in trouble) and is not resisting the contact so much, though I'm keeping it light and not too worried about collection.
I came home and let everyone out for a while, and had a little nap.
I learned about Geosmin, a chemical compound that is produced by some blue-green algae and some bacteria.
It is responsible for the earthy flavor of beets, the smell after it rains (petrichor), the musty smell of some drinking water, and the muddy taste of catfish.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geosmin
Not in Wikipedia; the use of Geosmin in perfume (good read).
http://perfumeshrine.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-smell-of-earth-after-rain-geosmin.html
