Wednesday, August 9
Aug. 9th, 2023 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Part of me liked the nice rain we got, but part of me is sad for all the hay that will be wet, and the fields that won't be cut this week because of the rain.
The stretches where I sleep well.
Kitty love. Puppy love. Love.
I spoke with Trainwreck, hoping for positive forward movement in her life, but seeing where she is already steering herself towards the rocks, as she pretty much always does.
She is SUPPOSED to sell her property, hoard and all, to a guy who is willing to do the work to clear it himself. She is already hedging on that, talking like she still "has to deal with her things" herself.
I can see that what she is going to do, is the thing of not fully committing herself to living in the Lodge, and keeping one foot in her hoarded shithole. Not letting go of it.
She will pretend that she's living in the Lodge, while not dealing with or letting go of her other place.
THEN, I can see that she's already working on getting herself kicked out of the Lodge, maybe by walking around in the halls with inappropriate clothing/no shoes (her favorite way of messing up her life is to refuse to wear appropriate dress and saying it's everyone else that has a problem with her pretending that men's boxer shorts are valid outerwear, or that there's nothing wrong with being barefoot, or whatever. She's creative.)
She has been elusive about rehoming her cats, therefore she's not really planning on doing that. They will continue to live at her hoarded property, and she will just keep driving out there to feed them in the winter, but also likely going long stretches in the bad weather without feeding them, and she will make it out that she is a saint for taking care of them. Then she will try to sneak them into the Lodge, which doesn't allow cats, thus getting kicked out.
When she gets kicked out, she will cry "victim" and look around at us for help. She will either go back to her hoard, triumphant that she was "forced" to go back to it.
Or, she will just think it's someone's duty to take her in. Her son, or Sister N who has always been sympathetic.
She really doesn't get it. If she gets kicked out of the Lodge, it is the only clean, decent place she can afford to live, and she won't be able to get into another one.
What an idiot.
Once again, I struggle to separate myself from her life, because it's hard for me to understand how she does this, and thinks that somehow life is SO AWFUL to her.
No, she hasn't done it yet, she just got her suite at the lodge, but nothing in how she speaks indicates that she is giving up her other place, rehoming the cats, and some of what she is talking about with bringing things into the suite makes it sound like she's already planning to bring too much, and not treating it like a "real" home.
Like just making a nest on the floor out of camping blankets and not making actual plans to bring in a proper bed. She's treating it like a flop house, a place to shower while her "real home" is the hoard.
I have to prepare for her fucking this up, and just let her do it, and not feel bad for her.
Moving on.
I went to the barn to see River, and I spent some time with him in the pasture first, giving scritchies.
It was lesson day, and it was helpful to work through what I wanted to do with my Liberty Freestyle with R, though then it doesn't feel like much of a lesson.
We did work out logistics for the pattern, how it fits together, and how it works with the music in terms of time (very good).
At least today River didn't have issues with the pool noodle gate. No. Instead, he was off with his back up cue in Liberty. Sigh. Well, we have time to work on it.
Our overall goal is to make it all smooth and with as light a cues as possible.
For our ridden work, we worked on getting that lead in the canter, and spiralling in and out to collect, and a bit of work on the trot to see if we can keep my legs more still and use my knees and hips more than putting weight in my feet.
I came home, let everyone out for a while, but it was pouring so I didn't do yard work.
I did the dishes instead, and some laundry.
I learned that some fish eggs can survive being eaten by birds, and then are passed into water where they may go on to become fish. This is possibly how isolated bodies of water end up with fish in them.
https://youtu.be/qLkhx0eqK5w
Part of me liked the nice rain we got, but part of me is sad for all the hay that will be wet, and the fields that won't be cut this week because of the rain.
The stretches where I sleep well.
Kitty love. Puppy love. Love.
I spoke with Trainwreck, hoping for positive forward movement in her life, but seeing where she is already steering herself towards the rocks, as she pretty much always does.
She is SUPPOSED to sell her property, hoard and all, to a guy who is willing to do the work to clear it himself. She is already hedging on that, talking like she still "has to deal with her things" herself.
I can see that what she is going to do, is the thing of not fully committing herself to living in the Lodge, and keeping one foot in her hoarded shithole. Not letting go of it.
She will pretend that she's living in the Lodge, while not dealing with or letting go of her other place.
THEN, I can see that she's already working on getting herself kicked out of the Lodge, maybe by walking around in the halls with inappropriate clothing/no shoes (her favorite way of messing up her life is to refuse to wear appropriate dress and saying it's everyone else that has a problem with her pretending that men's boxer shorts are valid outerwear, or that there's nothing wrong with being barefoot, or whatever. She's creative.)
She has been elusive about rehoming her cats, therefore she's not really planning on doing that. They will continue to live at her hoarded property, and she will just keep driving out there to feed them in the winter, but also likely going long stretches in the bad weather without feeding them, and she will make it out that she is a saint for taking care of them. Then she will try to sneak them into the Lodge, which doesn't allow cats, thus getting kicked out.
When she gets kicked out, she will cry "victim" and look around at us for help. She will either go back to her hoard, triumphant that she was "forced" to go back to it.
Or, she will just think it's someone's duty to take her in. Her son, or Sister N who has always been sympathetic.
She really doesn't get it. If she gets kicked out of the Lodge, it is the only clean, decent place she can afford to live, and she won't be able to get into another one.
What an idiot.
Once again, I struggle to separate myself from her life, because it's hard for me to understand how she does this, and thinks that somehow life is SO AWFUL to her.
No, she hasn't done it yet, she just got her suite at the lodge, but nothing in how she speaks indicates that she is giving up her other place, rehoming the cats, and some of what she is talking about with bringing things into the suite makes it sound like she's already planning to bring too much, and not treating it like a "real" home.
Like just making a nest on the floor out of camping blankets and not making actual plans to bring in a proper bed. She's treating it like a flop house, a place to shower while her "real home" is the hoard.
I have to prepare for her fucking this up, and just let her do it, and not feel bad for her.
Moving on.
I went to the barn to see River, and I spent some time with him in the pasture first, giving scritchies.
It was lesson day, and it was helpful to work through what I wanted to do with my Liberty Freestyle with R, though then it doesn't feel like much of a lesson.
We did work out logistics for the pattern, how it fits together, and how it works with the music in terms of time (very good).
At least today River didn't have issues with the pool noodle gate. No. Instead, he was off with his back up cue in Liberty. Sigh. Well, we have time to work on it.
Our overall goal is to make it all smooth and with as light a cues as possible.
For our ridden work, we worked on getting that lead in the canter, and spiralling in and out to collect, and a bit of work on the trot to see if we can keep my legs more still and use my knees and hips more than putting weight in my feet.
I came home, let everyone out for a while, but it was pouring so I didn't do yard work.
I did the dishes instead, and some laundry.
I learned that some fish eggs can survive being eaten by birds, and then are passed into water where they may go on to become fish. This is possibly how isolated bodies of water end up with fish in them.
https://youtu.be/qLkhx0eqK5w
