Saturday, October 14

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Another beautiful Fall day.

My Sweetie is SO CLOSE to being finished with the siding. So close. It really does look good where he is done. So nice to have the main part of the house the same color as the addition, it looks like it's all one house now.

I worked on mulching again. I finished digging down around the edges to countersink the rails, got the cardboard laid down, and we made one big push together in the dark to get the last of the mulch off of the trailer and onto the area I prepared because my husband will need the trailer again soon.

So, that was pretty much our day.

I did do some laundry.

We came in and watched more "Breaking Bad".

I learned about Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder: untreatable long-term visual and perception disturbances after taking hallucinatory drugs, BUT can also happen with use of SSRIs, which are common anti-depressants, and cannabis (that everyone keeps saying is absolutely harmless).

Drugs are bad...Mmmm-kay?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallucinogen_persisting_perception_disorder

Rant: the more I learn about vaping, whether it is the cannabis stuff, the stuff with nicotine, or even the "harmless" flavored shit, the more it seems like the FDA just screwed the pooch on that one, and legalized something that will still damage people's lungs and ruin lives.

Apparently the cannabis vaping, because of how it is formulated, is even more likely to cause dangerous side effects than just plain old pot. Effects like cannabinoid hyperemesis (just a lot of endless vomiting apparently), paranoia, and basically everything else that could go wrong using pot is worse with the vaping version of it.

WHY DON'T THEY STOP PRODUCING THIS CRAP?

Comments

[cf2princessawnw]

Yay on the siding being so close to being done!!!!!!!!!! That's something to celebrate!!!!!!

Your last line - oh how that could be said about so many things LOL One thing that is difficult I think the older I get is knowing, and seeing people make decisions that I'm thinking really? Really? But they're not asking my advice, and it's usually in their crisis. If they don't let you in, you can't just break in and expect to be well received LOL My family makes a lot of choices that I just have to let go and try to maintain my boundary that I'm not doing that for myself. And some of my friends with their health choices. This is just me personally, but I think I've come to a point that I really don't like and I'm not sure I recommend as the ultimate answer at all. But I think I've kind of come to the point where your life is your own, and if you want to screw it up, I literally can't even save you from death. I'll try to warn you if I know in time but I can't fight every battle for everyone. I say that as one of my friends with cancer was asking their doctor about medical marijuana. And I have another friend with cancer who is absolutely against radiation and chemotherapy. But everyone's situation is different, and I have to remember my role. It's just really really weird. There is so so much that I feel like I've grown up being like duh that's a really bad idea don't you know right? Like everybody knows that's a bad idea right? And then I see people do it and think oh.

Especially having had health problems, there's so much I just can't understand people doing. So I try not to get too close so it bothers me. Even just in what they eat and the wear and tear they put on their body for stupid reasons. Maybe that sounds harsh to feel that way, but I've just been in situations where I've literally had to get to the point with people I love or I have to let them go even if their choice is could kill them because I literally have absolutely no way to change their path.

[gottawonder]

I can understand the use of cannabis for medical use; it is a drug, after all.

I struggle with being comfortable with recreational use mainly because I grew up in a time where it was SERIOUSLY illegal, and it's hard to understand how in such a short span of time it went from being so "bad" as to ruin your whole life if you got caught with it, to being marketed in special stores everywhere here the same as you'd buy wine.

Canada has embraced the "herb" market whole-heartedly, and while it certainly doesn't seem to have torn society apart just yet, it troubles me to see how casual the use of pot has become.

I feel that it is somehow escapist to smoke/vape/ingest something like that often, just to make life more bearable. I feel the same way about alcohol. I do enjoy the taste of some things, and I actually wish it didn't have alcohol because I don't like that it is a drug that changes my mood. I usually just drink a small enough amount that it doesn't matter much.

I hate that tobacco is legal, because cigarettes are killers. Plain and simple. There is no medicinal benefit at all, and it is such a well-known dangerous product that it is absolutely baffling to me that it is legal and available. Just as it baffles me that anyone would smoke in the first place.

I try not to say much to people about health choices, but I do internally rant an awful lot.

It would be really difficult to stay quiet when you have a friend with cancer who won't do the medical treatments. What is their situation? I know some people who are already stage 4 when they find out sometimes refuse treatment because it has such a low success rate; they would rather enjoy their time and not feel sick from the chemo.

What I don't get is how things that are just plain old horrible for you are legal. Vaping is so bad for your lungs that it is going to likely be the biggest health threat to younger people now, since so many of them vape.

[cf2princessawnw]

That's very well written and expressed. My friend RC had prostate cancer. Had surgery and was doing fine. Has done a lot with diet and whatever other research they've chosen the path of. They discussed it as a couple, and radiation and chemo or something their doctor I guess was okay with him not doing. He has had a recur last year, but whatever they did seems to be helping enough that it's okay I guess. He explained about the numbers not being an issue, then she explained about the numbers totally being an issue. And at the end of the day, they've made it very clear this is something they have a choice to make for themselves and need support of a friend for whatever that choice is. Oddly enough and my friend L. got cancer which is indeed terminal, he has chosen to go through radiation which can affect his memory permanently they say, and is now starting chemotherapy. That was after major brain surgery. I guess I've tried not to let myself step into their shoes too much because I know I don't have the power to make their choices. I've tried to give each the others research or options enough so they could make informed decisions.

I know what it's like to have people push and push trying to give you advice because they care. When you get sick everybody does that because they do care. But what you need is just someone to be able to be there and support YOU. I've found that, maybe I don't know how to approach people to get them to change, but otherwise I found that the best chance of any kind of influence is to just be supportive of who the person is. As cliche as that sounds. Because then they will ask you at some point for your opinion or you'll be the one that's there when they can finally stop defending their position so strongly against everyone long enough to allow themselves to question it. I think perhaps I'm a bit too defeatist from the way life has been. But seeing the fall out possibilities with L. It is so hard not to grieve his decision for radiation knowing that he has such a brilliant and wonderful mind, and this could put his ability to learn anything new for the rest of his life at risk. It's already having difficulties. I know this is not about me, but it is incredibly unbelievably difficult as a friend from a distance who doesn't have the history of time rich in memories. But his decision was based on being around longer for his children, so that he was at least still there. He says that I'm his only friend. But the thing of it is is that I am only a friend.

The other difficult thing though I noticing after years and years of health problems, is that sometimes the people who may have actually had the right answer way back when, whether in my journey or some of my other long-term ill friends, the people that gave the answers were toxic and horrible people that you would never trust and we're so off-putting and bad in explaining that the opportunity was lost. I don't know how to process or handle any of that. Because at the end of the day I come back to my own life here and realize I have got to got to got to get out to Dr BT's ASAP. And yet every single path I try to take I am stymied or my hands are tied. I knew trying to leave this venus fly trap of a town would be incredibly difficult and I suspected it might be the hardest fight yet in some ways. But this is quite mind-blowing. All I can do is try to regroup, and try to regroup again. But yeah, I had to fight crying today when L. Seemed to have forgotten something, and I'm not there with this family to be able to ask somebody else what's happening with him. It could be normal human forgetfulness, or a guy being a guy forgetfulness LOL, or just fatigue of having started chemo, or... It could be signs of permanent damage. I guess it does not make sense to worry about until I know. But it sure does take the heart out of you when you face the reality of so many people you care about dying whether slowly or suddenly. And in light of all that, yes I will never ever ever ever understand why healthy people would Vape or even eat badly, or just do anything that takes away everything they have. I know a lot is out of ignorance, but that ties back to your whole point of why on Earth are some things legalized.

Rant over :)

[gottawonder]

I don't know a lot about your friend's particular KIND of prostate cancer, but I do know that there are different "strains", if that makes sense.

Our neighbor had prostate cancer, was given less than a year to live, but ended up living for over six years (maybe longer?).

Some kinds are considered aggressive, others can grow so slowly that they are not even likely going to be the cause of death.

I guess there is likely a pretty wide range of treatment options, depending on the kind of cancer and growth they're seeing.

There really is something very strange about having a friend with a terminal diagnosis, such as your friend with the brain cancer. This strange sense of them being alive, but there is a very strange feeling of them already moving on, in a way.

It has been feeling like that for me with my Mom, mainly through her just being very elderly and frail. It feels like she is in this liminal space, between life and death.

Of course, the other feeling is just helplessness. There's nothing we can do, and it's an awful feeling too. I've been there often enough now, between human loved ones and animal loved ones.

Acceptance is very difficult, because it can feel like giving up on someone.

Possibly even more difficult, is just to be that supportive friend, no matter what path they take.

I absolutely love what you said about not pushing people to take your advice, but being such a caring and supportive person that when they are ready for help, they can look to you.

I think that people can only see clearly when there is no sense of being forced into something, when they do not feel judged, but seen.

Their choice may not be what others want at all, but hopefully it is consistent with their own values and needs.

I know what it feels like to be guarded and feel defensive about your choices, I know that I personally have a very hard time asking for help and advice, and when someone offers unsolicited suggestions, it can feel like an attack or undermining me, even when I know on some level that they might have a point. You end up sticking to your path, in spite of knowing that it is probably a bad choice, just because you feel cornered or infantilized by others' insistence.

I guess both of your friends are making informed decisions, based on their own needs and values, with the best information that they can get at this time.

It's going to be very difficult to lose your friends at some point, or to lose the essential nature of their personality. It's not an easy thing to witness.

I imagine that your friends are also pretty scared, of what changes might come, their quality of life, being able to make their choices, and how people will treat them through these stages.

I've heard people say that when they are ill, a lot of their friends stop talking to them because they can't deal with it, or people start treating them differently, or they feel guilty for the pain their friends go through on their behalf. Their conversations get awkward because people don't know what to say anymore.

Maybe the best thing to do, is to be a person they can "be themselves" with, without pretending that it isn't happening.

If you can manage to be that supportive person for your friends, I'm sure it will mean the world to them.

[cf2princessawnw]

There are a lot of good thoughts in there. And yes, being a supportive person through something like that is gold. I know because I've lived life on the receiving end for so long. That's why I want to be there, but it is definitely tricky since they are both men. Guys are just different to begin with!

[lantairvlea]

My younger brother is a pot head. He even got a medical card to get out of a DWI and our mother helped him do it! He wonders why he feels depressed, disconnected, and can't get his life together.

I do think all things have their purpose, even cannabis. I found this interesting article about the use of tabacco in medicine, specifically the use of it topically for some types of skin lesions, but humans have a great tendency to misuse things.

[gottawonder]

Vaping pot seems to be entirely recreational, but seems like a "trendy" and "youthful" way to consume it rather than smoking.

Yet, there is no medicinal benefit to vaping, and it seems like vaping can ruin lungs.

I think if anyone wanted to consume it for medical purposes, edibles or using the CBD oil which doesn't get you high.