Friday, October 20
Oct. 21st, 2023 02:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Warm weather again today. I am so glad that my husband has gotten this grace period to finish up.
No, he's not finished. He even had to take some of the existing siding off again, to make it all fit properly with the new work. Sigh.
I think he is finally done caulking around the windows.
I spoke with Trainwreck for a while. It's really hard talking to her. She's very ill, and I do think she is not going to recover from this.
She is spending most of her days just sleeping, as she thinks this is what her body needs. Who knows. I would think that it's still pretty important to exercise carefully, or you run the risk of your body getting very weak.
She did get oxygen, so there's that. I hope it helps.
What is difficult for me is when she talks about how bad she's feeling, and says "and the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me".
I kind of say "They do know what's wrong with you". What she MEANS is, they can't fix her.
They do know what's wrong, and so does she. She has one partially collapsed lung, diminished lung function in general resulting in low blood oxygen levels. She's also got a condition called hemocromatosis, or too much iron likely because her liver is not functioning well.
All of this means she's exhausted, can barely breathe at times, has a lot of nausea, is having phantom smells (from many sinus infections over the years), and overall organs are not doing well.
She MUST know why she feels like crap, and every time we talk now I do say things like "okay, it makes sense that you're tired given that you have low blood oxygen and hemocromatosis and you're not able to keep food down and you don't sleep properly".
I'm trying to tell her to quit worrying about the crap in her trailer, to just let it go, to find homes for those cats, and try to just take care of herself, but she insists on continuing to drive out to this god-forsaken trailer so she can "try to deal with her stuff". Usually all that happens, from what I'm understanding, is that she brings more of her crap back to her new suite at the lodge.
Those suites are quite small, and I'm sure she can already barely move in it.
Oh well. I've already vowed to stop thinking of her problems as something I have to feel responsible for. I didn't do anything, and I don't really owe her anything. I can't make her do anything. I just get frustrated listening to her.
Who knows how long she has to live, and she's still worried about her stuff. She says she can't move to be closer to her sons and their kids because our Mom and sister N still need her, but I really think that she won't move to be closer to her sons because of her stuff.
I went to see River. A beautiful evening for it, too.
We worked on the compulsory pattern that is supposed to be part of the freestyle competition, and the whole thing, if I get it all done, should be downloaded in a few days. We are hopefully going to video it on Sunday.
Then I did some ridden work outside, and it went well.
R asked me if I could spend some time with the semi-rescue horse (he's not quite a rescue, but the current owners are hoping to re-home him since he has issues that will prevent him from being a competitive jumper).
He needs time to get used to things at the new place, like the indoor arena, the other horses, and so on. He also needs various kinds of therapy, with the hope that it can help him (he has mild wobbles, basically nerve issues to his hind end that can lead to instability. His is mild, and MIGHT improve, or might not, but therapy might help).
I worked with getting him to stand on Sure Foot pads https://surefootequine.com/. They help develop stability and balance, activate proprioception (spacial awareness) and develop postural muscles.
They almost always induce a state of profound relaxation in the horses after just a few minutes. This new horse was VERY relaxed, I'm fairly sure he was in some kind of state very similar to REM.
I came home, and we watched more "Breaking Bad". I don't know if anyone here has watched it (you kind of have to watch the whole thing) but it is SUCH a good show. Yup, it's violent and has drug culture in it, but the writing is amazing.
I learned that many Germans who participated in the Holocaust, or their surviving spouse (and we're talking the families of the convicted big time war criminals and members of the SS) still received/are still receiving a "war victim" pension in Germany. It's an additional pension above the regular pension. Considering that many ACTUAL war victims (like people who were at the time considered terrorists for trying to fight the Nazis, but were certainly German citizens) were not "eligible" for even the regular pension, this is pretty...um...amazing.
https://www.dw.com/en/nazi-criminals-still-receiving-war-victim-pensions/a-36665084
If you think about it, I suppose it's just "military service pension", but it's mentally difficult to see Nazis as "just doing their job" in the military, but I guess that's what they were doing.
Warm weather again today. I am so glad that my husband has gotten this grace period to finish up.
No, he's not finished. He even had to take some of the existing siding off again, to make it all fit properly with the new work. Sigh.
I think he is finally done caulking around the windows.
I spoke with Trainwreck for a while. It's really hard talking to her. She's very ill, and I do think she is not going to recover from this.
She is spending most of her days just sleeping, as she thinks this is what her body needs. Who knows. I would think that it's still pretty important to exercise carefully, or you run the risk of your body getting very weak.
She did get oxygen, so there's that. I hope it helps.
What is difficult for me is when she talks about how bad she's feeling, and says "and the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me".
I kind of say "They do know what's wrong with you". What she MEANS is, they can't fix her.
They do know what's wrong, and so does she. She has one partially collapsed lung, diminished lung function in general resulting in low blood oxygen levels. She's also got a condition called hemocromatosis, or too much iron likely because her liver is not functioning well.
All of this means she's exhausted, can barely breathe at times, has a lot of nausea, is having phantom smells (from many sinus infections over the years), and overall organs are not doing well.
She MUST know why she feels like crap, and every time we talk now I do say things like "okay, it makes sense that you're tired given that you have low blood oxygen and hemocromatosis and you're not able to keep food down and you don't sleep properly".
I'm trying to tell her to quit worrying about the crap in her trailer, to just let it go, to find homes for those cats, and try to just take care of herself, but she insists on continuing to drive out to this god-forsaken trailer so she can "try to deal with her stuff". Usually all that happens, from what I'm understanding, is that she brings more of her crap back to her new suite at the lodge.
Those suites are quite small, and I'm sure she can already barely move in it.
Oh well. I've already vowed to stop thinking of her problems as something I have to feel responsible for. I didn't do anything, and I don't really owe her anything. I can't make her do anything. I just get frustrated listening to her.
Who knows how long she has to live, and she's still worried about her stuff. She says she can't move to be closer to her sons and their kids because our Mom and sister N still need her, but I really think that she won't move to be closer to her sons because of her stuff.
I went to see River. A beautiful evening for it, too.
We worked on the compulsory pattern that is supposed to be part of the freestyle competition, and the whole thing, if I get it all done, should be downloaded in a few days. We are hopefully going to video it on Sunday.
Then I did some ridden work outside, and it went well.
R asked me if I could spend some time with the semi-rescue horse (he's not quite a rescue, but the current owners are hoping to re-home him since he has issues that will prevent him from being a competitive jumper).
He needs time to get used to things at the new place, like the indoor arena, the other horses, and so on. He also needs various kinds of therapy, with the hope that it can help him (he has mild wobbles, basically nerve issues to his hind end that can lead to instability. His is mild, and MIGHT improve, or might not, but therapy might help).
I worked with getting him to stand on Sure Foot pads https://surefootequine.com/. They help develop stability and balance, activate proprioception (spacial awareness) and develop postural muscles.
They almost always induce a state of profound relaxation in the horses after just a few minutes. This new horse was VERY relaxed, I'm fairly sure he was in some kind of state very similar to REM.
I came home, and we watched more "Breaking Bad". I don't know if anyone here has watched it (you kind of have to watch the whole thing) but it is SUCH a good show. Yup, it's violent and has drug culture in it, but the writing is amazing.
I learned that many Germans who participated in the Holocaust, or their surviving spouse (and we're talking the families of the convicted big time war criminals and members of the SS) still received/are still receiving a "war victim" pension in Germany. It's an additional pension above the regular pension. Considering that many ACTUAL war victims (like people who were at the time considered terrorists for trying to fight the Nazis, but were certainly German citizens) were not "eligible" for even the regular pension, this is pretty...um...amazing.
https://www.dw.com/en/nazi-criminals-still-receiving-war-victim-pensions/a-36665084
If you think about it, I suppose it's just "military service pension", but it's mentally difficult to see Nazis as "just doing their job" in the military, but I guess that's what they were doing.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-21 08:17 pm (UTC)I am sure it will be a great relief when it is finally done.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-21 09:35 pm (UTC)