Tuesday, January 2
Jan. 2nd, 2024 11:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
This insanely gentle weather for this time of year, though I worry what it means for the environment.
If nothing else, it's been too dry. Hardly anything for precipitation for months. It's not normal.
I didn't do much at home before I went to the barn. The usual feeding indoor animals and then outdoor chores.
River was okay today. Relaxed and focused.
R said that the horses were all weird the day following the fire works, not paying attention and edgy. Thankfully none of them got hurt.
River is really offering "something" hard when I ask for the Spanish Walk, but he's too eager for the treats to think it through, he's just pawing one leg or the other, not really paying attention to which leg I'm asking for.
He did well with our work today over all. Some nice halts from the canter.
My Sweetie stopped in briefly on his way home, but he didn't stay, just said hello.
When I got home, he was doing a little bit more work on the wiring in the bedroom in the addition, and truly, that's what needs to happen. Just to get into the habit of putting in an hour or two a day, and always moving forward.
He pretty much went to bed just after I got home, so I read for a while.
I know it seems weird, but I'm reading the book series that goes along with "The Expanse" television series, and yet I'm getting some better insights into what's happening. The book explains some of the social things better, and a deeper understanding of the characters. There is so much going on with all of the politics between groups that I really didn't get it all from the tv. show.
So, that's about it. I've really been feeling like I'm not doing much these days. My sleep schedule is awful now, because I normally do stay up to the wee hours in the morning, but with my husband working normal hours and getting up at 6 am, and leaving the house at 7 am, well, that's when I go to sleep now, even if I come to bed earlier than that.
I am messed right up, as far as any hope of feeling like part of the world at all. I barely see the sun.
Really, it's been like this since he worked nights a few years ago (because he came home in the morning), and it's been made just a little worse now that he's working from home.
It's just frustrating, because unless I don't sleep with him at all, I can't get better. I know there is no hope of me synchronizing with his going to bed at 8:30 pm, so I just spend night after night alone and awake until he leaves. It's ridiculous.
It feels like I'm wasting a huge part of every day, because it limits what I can do. I do sometimes paint at night, but for some reason I don't right now (I guess because I put everything away so the house could be clean for the holidays).
I learned that after a huge fire in 1898, part of Seattle was completely destroyed, and because it had been low land to begin with, new building took place right on top of the old structures, leaving an entire network of basements and tunnels somewhat intact below the modern street levels.
It is somewhat accessible now, and you can tour parts of it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Underground
https://youtu.be/3DR47DumDh4?si=vcH-aXUxnD8p2X0b
Update: in an effort to feel like I am doing something to improve my sense of control over my environment, I put away the Christmas tree and went through a bit of stored fabric. I have hung onto this fabric for a very, very long time without turning it into anything, so I really do not need it.
I listed two lots of fabric, one miscellaneous and one more wool fabric (like for a suit), and hopefully they will sell.
I need to feel like the things I own serve me, and I don't need to keep anything just because I "think" I might need it some day, when time has shown that mostly, I just put it all in boxes and feel overwhelmed by it.
This insanely gentle weather for this time of year, though I worry what it means for the environment.
If nothing else, it's been too dry. Hardly anything for precipitation for months. It's not normal.
I didn't do much at home before I went to the barn. The usual feeding indoor animals and then outdoor chores.
River was okay today. Relaxed and focused.
R said that the horses were all weird the day following the fire works, not paying attention and edgy. Thankfully none of them got hurt.
River is really offering "something" hard when I ask for the Spanish Walk, but he's too eager for the treats to think it through, he's just pawing one leg or the other, not really paying attention to which leg I'm asking for.
He did well with our work today over all. Some nice halts from the canter.
My Sweetie stopped in briefly on his way home, but he didn't stay, just said hello.
When I got home, he was doing a little bit more work on the wiring in the bedroom in the addition, and truly, that's what needs to happen. Just to get into the habit of putting in an hour or two a day, and always moving forward.
He pretty much went to bed just after I got home, so I read for a while.
I know it seems weird, but I'm reading the book series that goes along with "The Expanse" television series, and yet I'm getting some better insights into what's happening. The book explains some of the social things better, and a deeper understanding of the characters. There is so much going on with all of the politics between groups that I really didn't get it all from the tv. show.
So, that's about it. I've really been feeling like I'm not doing much these days. My sleep schedule is awful now, because I normally do stay up to the wee hours in the morning, but with my husband working normal hours and getting up at 6 am, and leaving the house at 7 am, well, that's when I go to sleep now, even if I come to bed earlier than that.
I am messed right up, as far as any hope of feeling like part of the world at all. I barely see the sun.
Really, it's been like this since he worked nights a few years ago (because he came home in the morning), and it's been made just a little worse now that he's working from home.
It's just frustrating, because unless I don't sleep with him at all, I can't get better. I know there is no hope of me synchronizing with his going to bed at 8:30 pm, so I just spend night after night alone and awake until he leaves. It's ridiculous.
It feels like I'm wasting a huge part of every day, because it limits what I can do. I do sometimes paint at night, but for some reason I don't right now (I guess because I put everything away so the house could be clean for the holidays).
I learned that after a huge fire in 1898, part of Seattle was completely destroyed, and because it had been low land to begin with, new building took place right on top of the old structures, leaving an entire network of basements and tunnels somewhat intact below the modern street levels.
It is somewhat accessible now, and you can tour parts of it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Underground
https://youtu.be/3DR47DumDh4?si=vcH-aXUxnD8p2X0b
Update: in an effort to feel like I am doing something to improve my sense of control over my environment, I put away the Christmas tree and went through a bit of stored fabric. I have hung onto this fabric for a very, very long time without turning it into anything, so I really do not need it.
I listed two lots of fabric, one miscellaneous and one more wool fabric (like for a suit), and hopefully they will sell.
I need to feel like the things I own serve me, and I don't need to keep anything just because I "think" I might need it some day, when time has shown that mostly, I just put it all in boxes and feel overwhelmed by it.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-03 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-03 11:00 pm (UTC)If I could even manage to shift to going to bed at 3 or 4 am (which sounds ridiculously easy for anyone else, until you think that if YOU go to bed at 10 pm, could you go to bed at 6 or 7 pm?) it might help. That's when I USED to go to sleep, and at least getting up at noon meant I could participate somewhat in the world.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-04 07:50 pm (UTC)I do understand that your body simply will NOT let you sleep at the more typical time slot--- That's exactly what is happening to me when I don't take the medicine. I was literally up until 6 AM a few weeks ago. I had run out of the medicine and didn't realize it.
It's too bad that you get so much grief for just being a night owl. I have a cousin who worked nights a a phlebotomist. She absolutely loved nights and was paid quite a bit more to take that shift. It's just so strange how the world understands what she did as praise-worthy, but can't understand your need to sleep in the day.
Personally, if I were left to my own devices, I would probably go to sleep at about 1 or 1:30 AM in get up at 9 or 9:30. I'm one of those people who really need 8 hours to be functional the next day.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-04 10:22 pm (UTC)Maybe I could do more to fix it, but dang, how many people do you know who would gradually be able to shift their sleep schedule over four or five hours from what their body naturally wants to do, and keep it there?
The real issue for me, is being out of step from the rest of the world. I don't want to make any kind of commitment before 3 pm. No, I don't want to spend the day with you hiking or shopping or going to a museum if it's before that time. I struggle to deal with stores that close at 5 pm because we live half an hour outside of town, and I have to do chores and get cleaned up before I go anywhere, so it takes me about two hours before I can leave.
It makes it hard to have any kind of job, paid or volunteer, or even just attending community things.
When I visit people and stay at their homes (which I pretty much just don't do anymore), how do you tell them that I am going to be getting up some time in the afternoon? Way back in the day, my husband's parents were BRUTAL on me. They used to do that whole "waking me up for my own good" bullshit.
In fact, most places I used to visit when I was younger did the exact same thing, because when you are in your 20's, people still think that if you sleep late it's because you are doing that lazy teenager thing, even though teenagers have absolutely valid needs to sleep like that.
Well, you get the picture.