Monday, January 8
Jan. 9th, 2024 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
I was able to decide finally, to let Hollywood go.
I couldn't sleep this morning, and I got up and went outside to really look at her, and see her situation for what it is. Her mobility has been much worse this week, with her one hind leg bothering her to where she wasn't putting much weight on it. She was lying down a lot, which isn't so bad with the unseasonably warm weather we've had this winter, but that's already changing.
I walked out to her with a bucket of water, in case she didn't take herself to the waterer, and she showed real reluctance to walk, even though she had her usual positive face on. I could see though, a new kind of pain in her eyes that wasn't there a week ago. I could see that as I stood and talked with her, that she was slowly shifting her weight from one of her better three legs to the other the whole time.
I knew she wouldn't do well with the cold weather that's coming, and that the increased pain medication was not helping her enough, though I'm glad we tried it first.
It was still pretty early in the day, and the vet clinic had a vet I knew already out doing farm calls to...euthanize horses before the cold hit. That was a bit grim, that there was a whole day of the same kind of situations ahead for this one vet, but I guess this just happens.
The vet clinic works with a local service that picks up the body afterwards, so I booked that with the vet clinic to come as soon as reasonably possible after the appointment.
My husband left work after lunch so he could be with us.
It was a beautiful day, bright and sunny and not yet horribly cold. There is still hoar frost on all the trees, sparkling away. Hollywood was not suffering other than the pain of her legs.
I had gone back into the house to get her a bucket of rolled oats and molasses as a final treat, and she was lying down again. I sat down with her, fed her, and she napped a bit. Wonder (the other mare) stood beside her as well, companionably.
This is how we stayed until the vet/assistant arrived. For about an hour or so I sat with her while she napped and enjoyed the sunshine.
My husband got home before the vet, so he came and sat with us too.
Hollywood did get up again, shortly before the vet arrived, so we unbuckled her winter blanket, but left it draped over her for warmth.
The process of actually ending things was surprisingly fast, but mercifully so. They gave her a bit of a sedative first, and we hugged her one more time. Then we stepped back for the second drug, because the animal will simply fall over afterwards, which she did. It was a bit shocking, but you knew she didn't feel a thing.
And that was that. She took one or two more breaths, but didn't even so much as twitch afterwards.
Wonder was there for the whole thing, and didn't seem that upset (though she was upset later when we had Hollywood taken away).
We covered Hollywood with her blankets, and sat with her until the "Just Passing" service arrived about half an hour or so later.
I went into the house, and my husband stayed to make sure everything went smoothly and the gates all were closed again and so on.
The man who runs this business takes them to a piece of land approved by the county for burials (not at the landfill). I don't know if it's private land or what, but it sounded better to me than our other options.
According to my husband, he was efficient and respectful, and he was done quickly with little fuss.
I have no regrets about doing it this way. Hollywood got to die in her own pasture at home, on a lovely day, with her horse buddy standing right next to her, and don't think she was upset or concerned about any of it. That's about as good as it gets for a horse.
We still had our usual chores to do, and I was exhausted because I hadn't slept, but my attempt to nap really didn't pan out. I did "rest" though.
Monday evening is usually pottery night, but I was happier at home today.
I'm glad we got enough groceries on Saturday that we didn't need any more.
We did watch some more of "The Expanse" later, and that's about all I could muster energy for.
So, it's not entirely a huge relief, as now we need to find a companion for Wonder, as the ponies kind of need to stay with the goats in their pen. Not sure what we're going to do, but likely this means either fostering or adopting a companion from somewhere. Possibly a rescue group.
I am not in the market for another riding horse, as River is about all I have time and money for to have in training.
Well, I am trying to see that as an item to be addressed soon, so I can process the events of today.
Having Hollywood pass so...reasonably well... made this easier. I know that had I insisted on trying to nurse her along through the rest of winter (expecting normal Canadian winter soon) it was likely to be much worse, with her either falling and breaking a leg, or freezing to death on the ground since she had to lie down so much, or dying from colic if she wasn't moving enough or drinking enough water. There was a very low chance of her having a good winter, with her mobility so bad.
She was such a sweet horse, and a good friend to Wonder. I spent lots of time just being with her out in the pasture (I only rode her for a short time after we got her, as she already did have some arthritis) enjoying her company, and there is a great pleasure in just watching horses be horses. She gave me some confidence after I had a bad experience with a different horse; mostly I just sat on her bareback in the pasture but it helped me a lot.
I learned that in 1890, a German immigrant named Eugene Schieffelin decided it would be a great idea to introduce as many of Shakespeare's birds as possible to North America. One of the species he released was Starlings, which have since become an invasive species in North America.
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27055030
I was able to decide finally, to let Hollywood go.
I couldn't sleep this morning, and I got up and went outside to really look at her, and see her situation for what it is. Her mobility has been much worse this week, with her one hind leg bothering her to where she wasn't putting much weight on it. She was lying down a lot, which isn't so bad with the unseasonably warm weather we've had this winter, but that's already changing.
I walked out to her with a bucket of water, in case she didn't take herself to the waterer, and she showed real reluctance to walk, even though she had her usual positive face on. I could see though, a new kind of pain in her eyes that wasn't there a week ago. I could see that as I stood and talked with her, that she was slowly shifting her weight from one of her better three legs to the other the whole time.
I knew she wouldn't do well with the cold weather that's coming, and that the increased pain medication was not helping her enough, though I'm glad we tried it first.
It was still pretty early in the day, and the vet clinic had a vet I knew already out doing farm calls to...euthanize horses before the cold hit. That was a bit grim, that there was a whole day of the same kind of situations ahead for this one vet, but I guess this just happens.
The vet clinic works with a local service that picks up the body afterwards, so I booked that with the vet clinic to come as soon as reasonably possible after the appointment.
My husband left work after lunch so he could be with us.
It was a beautiful day, bright and sunny and not yet horribly cold. There is still hoar frost on all the trees, sparkling away. Hollywood was not suffering other than the pain of her legs.
I had gone back into the house to get her a bucket of rolled oats and molasses as a final treat, and she was lying down again. I sat down with her, fed her, and she napped a bit. Wonder (the other mare) stood beside her as well, companionably.
This is how we stayed until the vet/assistant arrived. For about an hour or so I sat with her while she napped and enjoyed the sunshine.
My husband got home before the vet, so he came and sat with us too.
Hollywood did get up again, shortly before the vet arrived, so we unbuckled her winter blanket, but left it draped over her for warmth.
The process of actually ending things was surprisingly fast, but mercifully so. They gave her a bit of a sedative first, and we hugged her one more time. Then we stepped back for the second drug, because the animal will simply fall over afterwards, which she did. It was a bit shocking, but you knew she didn't feel a thing.
And that was that. She took one or two more breaths, but didn't even so much as twitch afterwards.
Wonder was there for the whole thing, and didn't seem that upset (though she was upset later when we had Hollywood taken away).
We covered Hollywood with her blankets, and sat with her until the "Just Passing" service arrived about half an hour or so later.
I went into the house, and my husband stayed to make sure everything went smoothly and the gates all were closed again and so on.
The man who runs this business takes them to a piece of land approved by the county for burials (not at the landfill). I don't know if it's private land or what, but it sounded better to me than our other options.
According to my husband, he was efficient and respectful, and he was done quickly with little fuss.
I have no regrets about doing it this way. Hollywood got to die in her own pasture at home, on a lovely day, with her horse buddy standing right next to her, and don't think she was upset or concerned about any of it. That's about as good as it gets for a horse.
We still had our usual chores to do, and I was exhausted because I hadn't slept, but my attempt to nap really didn't pan out. I did "rest" though.
Monday evening is usually pottery night, but I was happier at home today.
I'm glad we got enough groceries on Saturday that we didn't need any more.
We did watch some more of "The Expanse" later, and that's about all I could muster energy for.
So, it's not entirely a huge relief, as now we need to find a companion for Wonder, as the ponies kind of need to stay with the goats in their pen. Not sure what we're going to do, but likely this means either fostering or adopting a companion from somewhere. Possibly a rescue group.
I am not in the market for another riding horse, as River is about all I have time and money for to have in training.
Well, I am trying to see that as an item to be addressed soon, so I can process the events of today.
Having Hollywood pass so...reasonably well... made this easier. I know that had I insisted on trying to nurse her along through the rest of winter (expecting normal Canadian winter soon) it was likely to be much worse, with her either falling and breaking a leg, or freezing to death on the ground since she had to lie down so much, or dying from colic if she wasn't moving enough or drinking enough water. There was a very low chance of her having a good winter, with her mobility so bad.
She was such a sweet horse, and a good friend to Wonder. I spent lots of time just being with her out in the pasture (I only rode her for a short time after we got her, as she already did have some arthritis) enjoying her company, and there is a great pleasure in just watching horses be horses. She gave me some confidence after I had a bad experience with a different horse; mostly I just sat on her bareback in the pasture but it helped me a lot.
I learned that in 1890, a German immigrant named Eugene Schieffelin decided it would be a great idea to introduce as many of Shakespeare's birds as possible to North America. One of the species he released was Starlings, which have since become an invasive species in North America.
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27055030
no subject
Date: 2024-01-10 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-10 08:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-10 08:29 am (UTC)It's hard to bid farewell to a lovely companion animal. They are family - and in many cases, better. Hollywood had a nice life with you, and you sent her off with kindness.
Angus is forever with us in a nice spot between forsythias and a burning bush. We still have a memorial plaque to make.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-10 08:57 am (UTC)There simply isn't anything "enough" to mark the passing of such friends, but I did my best to make it peaceful.
It would have been nice to bury her on our property, but there are practical considerations with something like a horse.