When are we actually friends?

[gottawonder]

There are a few people at the riding barn that I really like. They're good people.

You know what, though? If something happened and I changed barns or something, I'd probably never hear from them again.

When River was home being treated for two weeks for his breathing issues, only one person texted me from the barn (though it's nice to know that someone cared).

I don't see anyone from the barn outside of riding there, and I don't have the kind of relationship with them where I could get support from them in any way if I needed it. I don't think we do, anyhow.

While the people I know at the barn, and at pottery are kind of friends, in that we talk in those contexts, we aren't actually friends.

There's one hilarious woman that I truly like, and sometimes it makes me sad to think that likely at some point she'll move for a job or something, and that'll be it. I'm getting tired of people I like just drifting in and out of my life, disappearing.

My husband is amazing at winning people over. They would literally do anything for him. He has a good guy friend who lends him tools, does work with him, trades stuff, and likes to meet my husband for breakfast and go shopping for man stuff together. I'm actually in awe of how people like my husband. Strangers are more helpful with him, everyone who meets him ends up really respecting his opinion and valuing him as a person.

I feel like people are....okay with me, but I don't know if I come across weirdly, or if I'm scary or something, or if I'm just not as "valuable" as my husband (he is a helpful person with a wide range of skills. He can literally build or fix almost anything. He just figures it out.)

He's just amazingly likeable. He's nice, he's chatty, he makes people feel comfortable. For example, if we go to someone's property to buy something from the local buy and sell, you can tell that the people we are buying something from end up being super impressed by him, and like him, and they form a rapport.

I don't think people often dislike me on sight or anything, but I feel like I do not make the kind of impression my husband makes. I know that I am not as good at the small talk, though I can often find common ground with people. I am probably not as good at hiding my thoughts, if I am having less than positive ones about others.

I just miss having close friendships.