Tuesday, February 13
Feb. 14th, 2024 01:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Sunshine and decent temperatures.
A short phone conversation with my Mom. It's eerie how good she is at sounding like she's "with you" in a conversation, though I know if I called her back in ten minutes she wouldn't remember that I had called. Still, it's good to hear her voice, and she sounds happy and content.
I think that she does feel at peace where she is, nothing left to worry about, no need to deal with any problems at all, and regular meals. She's not alone, she's warm.
I also spoke with Trainwreck today, and she was actually quite sober sounding and awake and lucid. She was having more of a real conversation with me, allowing for back and forth discussion, not just a wall of her issues.
It was nice to talk to her this way, even if our topics were kind of grim.
Somehow we got talking about my experiences growing up. She had lots of siblings that were actually nice to be around (she's 12 years older, and the whole family was different for her as Dad hadn't died yet). By the time I was born, almost half of the family were grown and moved out, leaving me with my brother who was closest in age to me to "play" with.
At some point, all he did was torment me. It was sometimes physical, but often just endless taunting, threatening to destroy whatever I was trying to create whether is was a sand castle or a fort or a box I had turned into a doll house. When he got older it did turn to threatening animals I cared about, though he didn't seriously harm any. The constant threat was exhausting, and not a day went by that I wasn't yelling and screaming at him, or telling Mom (who really didn't do a lot besides tell him to stop, but this is what he wanted, her attention).
I said something to Trainwreck that I didn't even realize was true until I'd said it: being bullied like that for pretty much my whole child hood (as well as at school by other kids) left me feeling like I could just never really be happy, because anything good could be used against me, or could be ruined at any moment.
There were lots of things that all that bullying did to me, in terms of trusting others, fearing rejection, feeling like an outsider, caring more about animals than people, and keeping good things to myself. I also learned that people get tired of victims of bullying, and often give them advice like "don't react, he'll get tired of trying to hurt you" or "just avoid him", instead of what should have happened; that he should have had consequences for his actions (as should have the people at school) AND he should have gotten some help because the only reason why people bully is because of their own pain.
I learned that the authority figures that are supposed to protect you often don't, which did lead me to have a certain lack of faith in authority in general. It sucks to know that no one is going to help you.
I don't hold a grudge against my brother, because he was a kid. An adult should have gotten involved. He had issues of his own that weren't being addressed, that I know he had to deal with as an adult.
So, anyhow, it was in many ways an interesting conversation.
I went to see River, and I took a few old towels with me to give to R. R runs a dog grooming business, and between that and the horses, can always use a few more towels.
River was in a good mood today, and had good focus. We worked on the current pattern, and after he woke up a bit I saw some improvements in things like the halt to trot departure. He's capable of doing a nice departure to a trot, but he's often a little lazy about it.
We did some riding, and I felt that he did better on making nice circles today in all of the gaits. We had an especially nice canter session where he was loose and relaxed, made some nice circles, and a good halt each direction.
Worked on him not just trying to kick me during the Spanish Walk on the ground.
I came home and my Sweetie had done a bit of work assembling the cupboards, and made supper.
We watched an episode of "The Expanse". We're in the last season now.
Sri Lanka is an island nation South of India. It's not a huge place, but it has 22 million (diverse) people living there.
It was formerly known as Ceylon, where the tea came from.
It's recorded history goes back 3000 years, and evidence of human habitation 125,000 years ago. It has been predominantly Buddhist for most of it's current history, and present day.
It's location in the ocean and deep harbors made it an important trading hub, and it was long part of the "maritime Silk Road". Naturally many seafaring nations fought to control it, with Britain making it a colony from 1815 to 1948. In 1948 Ceylon became a largely self-governing dominion, then the independent Republic of Sri Lanka in 1972, though not without a lot of civil war since that time.
The British, in all their practicality, created an educated class that overcame the caste system for a while:
By the end of the 19th century, a new educated social class transcending race and caste arose through British attempts to staff the Ceylon Civil Service and the legal, educational, engineering, and medical professions with natives.[107] New leaders represented the various ethnic groups of the population in the Ceylon Legislative Council on a communal basis. Buddhist and Hindu revivalism reacted against Christian missionary activities.[108][109] The first two decades in the 20th century are noted by the unique harmony among Sinhalese and Tamil political leadership, which has since been lost.[110]
It is a developing nation that was doing pretty well, but in more recent years has had an economic crisis, mainly created by crippling debt. There has been an energy crisis, as well as a food shortage since about 2019, a suspension of fuel for anything other than critical use vehicles, crippling inflation, and so on.
This has led to civil unrest and protests, and storming the President's House (official residence) and the private home of the Prime Minister.
The current elected president, Ranil Wickremesinghe, is trying to bring back some kind of economic stability.
Sri Lanka is Democratic Socialist, and I'm not sure what that means, as the article keeps mentioning both Prime Ministers as well as Presidents.
"While the production and export of tea, rubber, coffee, sugar, and other commodities remain important, industrialisation has increased the importance of food processing, textiles, telecommunications, and finance. The country's main economic sectors are tourism, tea export, clothing, rice production, and other agricultural products. In addition to these economic sectors, overseas employment, especially in the Middle East, contributes substantially in foreign exchange."
Something very important is the nation's ban on all chemicals used in farming, such as pesticides and herbicides and some fertilizers. It didn't last long, as the tea industry nearly collapsed, and a tremendous drop in production of other food.
Though it is supposed to be a Democracy, there have been violations of human rights in Sri Lanka, such as the disappearance of over 12,000 named people after being detained by the government.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sri_Lanka
Although the narrator seems to be a bit of a patronizing dick, this is still an informative video:
https://youtu.be/8qHZFOjGk7A?si=JSMXHhkEGvA1Zu_E
M.I.A. is a noted rapper from Sri Lanka, and this song is about her challenges with obtaining a U.S. work visa, and satirizes American perception of Sri Lankans.
https://youtu.be/ewRjZoRtu0Y?si=PKJ7zxia7UgDUNrX
Sunshine and decent temperatures.
A short phone conversation with my Mom. It's eerie how good she is at sounding like she's "with you" in a conversation, though I know if I called her back in ten minutes she wouldn't remember that I had called. Still, it's good to hear her voice, and she sounds happy and content.
I think that she does feel at peace where she is, nothing left to worry about, no need to deal with any problems at all, and regular meals. She's not alone, she's warm.
I also spoke with Trainwreck today, and she was actually quite sober sounding and awake and lucid. She was having more of a real conversation with me, allowing for back and forth discussion, not just a wall of her issues.
It was nice to talk to her this way, even if our topics were kind of grim.
Somehow we got talking about my experiences growing up. She had lots of siblings that were actually nice to be around (she's 12 years older, and the whole family was different for her as Dad hadn't died yet). By the time I was born, almost half of the family were grown and moved out, leaving me with my brother who was closest in age to me to "play" with.
At some point, all he did was torment me. It was sometimes physical, but often just endless taunting, threatening to destroy whatever I was trying to create whether is was a sand castle or a fort or a box I had turned into a doll house. When he got older it did turn to threatening animals I cared about, though he didn't seriously harm any. The constant threat was exhausting, and not a day went by that I wasn't yelling and screaming at him, or telling Mom (who really didn't do a lot besides tell him to stop, but this is what he wanted, her attention).
I said something to Trainwreck that I didn't even realize was true until I'd said it: being bullied like that for pretty much my whole child hood (as well as at school by other kids) left me feeling like I could just never really be happy, because anything good could be used against me, or could be ruined at any moment.
There were lots of things that all that bullying did to me, in terms of trusting others, fearing rejection, feeling like an outsider, caring more about animals than people, and keeping good things to myself. I also learned that people get tired of victims of bullying, and often give them advice like "don't react, he'll get tired of trying to hurt you" or "just avoid him", instead of what should have happened; that he should have had consequences for his actions (as should have the people at school) AND he should have gotten some help because the only reason why people bully is because of their own pain.
I learned that the authority figures that are supposed to protect you often don't, which did lead me to have a certain lack of faith in authority in general. It sucks to know that no one is going to help you.
I don't hold a grudge against my brother, because he was a kid. An adult should have gotten involved. He had issues of his own that weren't being addressed, that I know he had to deal with as an adult.
So, anyhow, it was in many ways an interesting conversation.
I went to see River, and I took a few old towels with me to give to R. R runs a dog grooming business, and between that and the horses, can always use a few more towels.
River was in a good mood today, and had good focus. We worked on the current pattern, and after he woke up a bit I saw some improvements in things like the halt to trot departure. He's capable of doing a nice departure to a trot, but he's often a little lazy about it.
We did some riding, and I felt that he did better on making nice circles today in all of the gaits. We had an especially nice canter session where he was loose and relaxed, made some nice circles, and a good halt each direction.
Worked on him not just trying to kick me during the Spanish Walk on the ground.
I came home and my Sweetie had done a bit of work assembling the cupboards, and made supper.
We watched an episode of "The Expanse". We're in the last season now.
Sri Lanka is an island nation South of India. It's not a huge place, but it has 22 million (diverse) people living there.
It was formerly known as Ceylon, where the tea came from.
It's recorded history goes back 3000 years, and evidence of human habitation 125,000 years ago. It has been predominantly Buddhist for most of it's current history, and present day.
It's location in the ocean and deep harbors made it an important trading hub, and it was long part of the "maritime Silk Road". Naturally many seafaring nations fought to control it, with Britain making it a colony from 1815 to 1948. In 1948 Ceylon became a largely self-governing dominion, then the independent Republic of Sri Lanka in 1972, though not without a lot of civil war since that time.
The British, in all their practicality, created an educated class that overcame the caste system for a while:
By the end of the 19th century, a new educated social class transcending race and caste arose through British attempts to staff the Ceylon Civil Service and the legal, educational, engineering, and medical professions with natives.[107] New leaders represented the various ethnic groups of the population in the Ceylon Legislative Council on a communal basis. Buddhist and Hindu revivalism reacted against Christian missionary activities.[108][109] The first two decades in the 20th century are noted by the unique harmony among Sinhalese and Tamil political leadership, which has since been lost.[110]
It is a developing nation that was doing pretty well, but in more recent years has had an economic crisis, mainly created by crippling debt. There has been an energy crisis, as well as a food shortage since about 2019, a suspension of fuel for anything other than critical use vehicles, crippling inflation, and so on.
This has led to civil unrest and protests, and storming the President's House (official residence) and the private home of the Prime Minister.
The current elected president, Ranil Wickremesinghe, is trying to bring back some kind of economic stability.
Sri Lanka is Democratic Socialist, and I'm not sure what that means, as the article keeps mentioning both Prime Ministers as well as Presidents.
"While the production and export of tea, rubber, coffee, sugar, and other commodities remain important, industrialisation has increased the importance of food processing, textiles, telecommunications, and finance. The country's main economic sectors are tourism, tea export, clothing, rice production, and other agricultural products. In addition to these economic sectors, overseas employment, especially in the Middle East, contributes substantially in foreign exchange."
Something very important is the nation's ban on all chemicals used in farming, such as pesticides and herbicides and some fertilizers. It didn't last long, as the tea industry nearly collapsed, and a tremendous drop in production of other food.
Though it is supposed to be a Democracy, there have been violations of human rights in Sri Lanka, such as the disappearance of over 12,000 named people after being detained by the government.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sri_Lanka
Although the narrator seems to be a bit of a patronizing dick, this is still an informative video:
https://youtu.be/8qHZFOjGk7A?si=JSMXHhkEGvA1Zu_E
M.I.A. is a noted rapper from Sri Lanka, and this song is about her challenges with obtaining a U.S. work visa, and satirizes American perception of Sri Lankans.
https://youtu.be/ewRjZoRtu0Y?si=PKJ7zxia7UgDUNrX
no subject
Date: 2024-02-15 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-15 07:41 am (UTC)He wasn't really to blame for his actions as a kid; the point I was trying to make is that maybe an adult like my Mom could have done more to prevent it, and to get counseling for my brother, since if he was bullying me, that meant that he had something going on, right?
Let's also consider that counseling wouldn't have been free (we had no money) and would have meant my Mom driving somewhere for a couple of hours for each session, and very likely would have been maybe once a month or something, not weekly. Really, what good would it have done?
What skills did my Mom even have for dealing with this, besides just beating my brother for his behavior? It's not like we had all the modern perspectives of child rearing happening here, all we had was "go to your room" or spanking, none of which was going to help my brother, and might have just made his retaliations to me worse too.
So, my MOM was the person who could have done something, only she really had far too much on her plate as it was. She also came from a generation that "didn't do counseling". Literally her generation was just NOT going to seek help (she was born in 1931, if that helps put this into persepective), and we were in Rural Manitoba.
People in my area just "sucked it up", which generally meant being miserable their entire lives, and PROUD of it!
If you got beaten up by your siblings, bullied, or what have you, that was just par for the course, right?
Those good old days just plain sucked.