Feeling burnt out.

[gottawonder]

I've been living an accelerated version of life now since May.

We've been trying to pack and get the farm house ready for occupancy, and that's been most of this last month.

I had tons of vet stuff in June, thankfully they all resolved well. It was just stressful to keep taking animals to the vet, having lots of treatments to remember and carry out, and the stress of thinking Fatty was dying, and wondering if the others were going to be okay.

I went home in May, which is always stressful, AND hosted my sweetie's parents.

There was the normal spring rush of cleaning out and planting the garden, all the mowing and pruning and yard clean up.

Then there's the ongoing, low-grade background stress of always wondering what the hell is going on with the hay situation both at the riding barn and here at home. Hay has been in short supply for a long time now, and there's been some concern about whether or not there would be good hay this year because of the rain. I think I'm going to be okay, today my normal hay guy says he should have enough for me.

I've also been dealing with how it feels to be packing things up, knowing I might not see some of it until next summer (we'll be doing a lot of renovating in the farm house, so many things will stay in storage). The rooms are getting that pulled apart look, we haven't been cleaning anymore, just packing. It's that awful in between feeling, and there's a sad feeling of tearing our home down soon, even though there's a new house, and the anxiety of tearing one house down but not having the new house on a permanent foundation. Unsettling.

So, I'm trying to pack, but I still have all of my normal work to do. Feeding the animals, keeping up the yard, trying to keep the garden weeded, doing laundry and dishes, changing cat litter, riding River, it's not easy.

I am frustrated at the deep ruts left in our yard along the driveway from moving the house onto our property, because it is ugly, and it makes it tough to mow. I know we will be too busy to fill them in until next year, and it's frustrating to have to live with it.

It's stressful to have to move the flowerbed to a temporary location because we'll be tearing up the yard for the basement and construction. I'm stressing out about how ugly the yard will look for likely a year or two until we can get it all put back together.

I'm stressed about how long it is taking to empty the house. I'm trying to pack and move more stuff, but I end up only packing a few boxes each day, and that's not enough.

I kind of blew up this evening, because I had wanted my husband to have the computer all set up in the new house before he left to visit his family, in a way that I could use it and watch movies. Well, it was WORKING, but set up on the floor in a corner of the room on the floor, not in a place I could sit and use it. I am not that comfortable with hooking up the monitors and so on, and was angry that I had to take everything apart and set it all up again on the desk. Yes, he told me what I needed to know to do it, but it was still frustrating.

It's sort of like, having time to just veg in front of the computer is kind of...just one thing that is the same? I need that, just some things to stay the same and not be a source of stress. So, it pissed me off that lately I've been making due with a very slow old laptop that keeps overheating and shutting down, or my phone, which isn't fun to type things on, or watch videos. Yes, it's a "first world" problem, but it felt like the last straw.

Anyhow, I'll survive, but it's also tough knowing that in spite of how much work I've been doing, the hard part is coming. Very soon. We'll be demolishing the trailer and it's addition, and hauling it all away. Then we'll be racing against time to get that done, and a basement built, and the house moved over before the snow flies.