Thursday, August 1

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Not needing to do anything too pressing. It was roasting hot again outside, so nice to not have to work in it.

I didn't do much. Normal chores.

I had a phone conversation with Trainwreck, and it's not easy to hear her talk about "vomiting all week long". I told her I was worried that she might be very dehydrated, if she hasn't been keeping anything down all week, and asked if she had gone to the hospital yet. She said no, what would they do at the hospital? I told her that if they thought she was dehydrated, they could put her on IV fluids. Well, she likely won't go if there's the chance they might do that.

She's very sick, and we all know why, it's just not easy talking to someone who is dying this way.

My Sweetie got home in good time today, and he's taking tomorrow off since next week he is travelling again.

I let everyone out into their pastures for a while, and picked more raspberries, and watered the garden.

It's been so dry the last few weeks that the raspberries seem a little stunted. I don't usually need to water them, but maybe I'll have to.

Then we went to town to catch "Deadpool & Woverine". I made a point of wearing a nice outfit and putting in some effort, as I enjoy getting cleaned up.

It was a pretty good movie, even if it almost just felt like nostalgia for the whole Marvel franchise. It was a LOT of cameos and flashbacks to "the good old days" and things like that, and that's often how these movies feel now. They are oddly sentimental for being "super hero" films.

Then we went for a walk around the man-made lake in town, which is always such a treat. I love that pathway.

Comments

[cf2princessawnw]

💖💖 so sorry about Trainwreck sister 💖💖
Glad you're sweetie is there and able to take tomorrow off. Hope it's a good day for you both.

[ratunderpaper]

It is a shame about TW. You have been very patient with her.

[gottawonder]

It is a shame, but it's all been her choice, and that's what I have to remember. She could have gotten help, could have started going to AA, could have done a lot of things, but never did.

I'm TRYING not to get overly wrapped up in her pain but it's hard not to feel something. I don't allow her to be cruel to me because she's hurting, either.

[ratunderpaper]

Her kids must be worried.

[gottawonder]

I don't know. Maybe. I know one of her sons and I talked about how bad things were when she was in that derelict trailer in the middle of nowhere a year ago, and things were getting very dire. He was worried about her dying out there the same as I was.

You can get burnt out on being worried about people, though.

I think for myself, right now, I am not "worried" about her dying, because there's a certain point where it's just going to be what it will be. It's still not enjoyable to witness it, any more than it is enjoyable to witness someone dying of any other slowly progressive disease, or old age. You know, when someone is 110 years old and very frail, are you "worried" about them dying? So it is with Trainwreck, you can't "worry" anymore about something you can't change.I guess I hope it isn't going to be too awful for her.

It "worried" me I guess, about her dying alone in her yucky trailer, not having a proper toilet or anyone around her, because it was the whole idea of her dying alone and probably horribly, and I know it would have been awful for the family to think of her dying that way. I guess I was worried about her dying without any dignity, or her dying slowly on the floor alone.

Somehow, it's less awful for me to think of her dying in a more comfortable place where she might not have been lonely, where she might even die in a hospital with less pain and not have her body sit somewhere for days. She might die with pain medication and clean sheets.

It might still take her years to die of her addiction, and maybe it would be nice if these last years were somewhere clean and warm and safe.

[ratunderpaper]

For this reason, it's good to keep up with one's family or close friends.