Tuesday, August 5
Aug. 6th, 2024 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Cool temperatures, though it was a strange, overcast day that never felt like daylight.
I more or less just started my day when Sister E calls, to talk about Trainwreck. Sister E and others saw Trainwreck over the long weekend (they visited her in person) but Trainwreck was in terrible shape, and not willing to go to the hospital.
Trainwreck seems to have now entered a very rough stage of liver failure. She's jaundiced, not very coherent, and sleeps most of the time, and is throwing everything up.
I tried calling Trainwreck's phone, and her friend John picked up. He's an alcoholic too, though he periodically tries to quit drinking, does often go to AA, and so on. I don't know if I would consider him to be a solid human being, but for the last few years he has genuinely tried to be a good person to Trainwreck, in his own way. I know that he tries to get her to look after herself, and has done a lot in the way of helping her move, gets food for her, runs errands, pretty much anything she asks him to do.
He was in tears, as Trainwreck hasn't been letting him take her to the hospital, and he wonders every day now if she's just dead in her suite (they both live in the same Lodge, more or less across the hall from each other).
He was using her phone as he doesn't have one, but he wasn't sure if he should be calling family and trying to get them to do anything (I called the phone, not expecting to get him). I know family has been seeing her, but Trainwreck has been refusing medical help, so he doesn't know what else to do.
I was kind of worried about John, as he's pretty upset, and I would hate for him to go on a big drinking binge or something because of all of this. I told him that our family appreciates everything he's done for her, and not to blame himself for anything. Trainwreck makes her own choices.
I don't know that there's anything left for us to do, since you can't force anyone to accept medical care. Family already tried seeing if the police could do a wellness check and such, and they won't do anything like that. Ambulance attendants won't drag someone to the hospital, even if they're dying, if they are coherent enough to refuse treatment.
So, all I could do today was to talk to one of her sons, and tell him that if he and his brothers left today, they might at least be able to talk to her before she dies. Maybe they can convince her to go to a hospital, maybe not. I felt that they should at least know how bad things are.
So, as far as I know, her three adult sons (who all live in the same area a few hours away from Trainwreck) are going to make the drive to see if they can at least talk to her.
Going to the hospital won't "save" her, but it would be a more comfortable way to die, and it would save her friends at the lodge the trauma of finding her/seeing her taken away on a gurney. It might be less painful, as I'm sure they would give her morphine. It might at least give a few people time to say goodbye to her, and have a bit more dignity that her being found dead in her room.
I also talked to Sister S, just more or less covering the same bases as I did with Sister E and John and Trainwreck's son.
I also talked with a friend of ours who is a veterinarian in the city nearby, about Roxy's knees. We're considering our options with surgery, and I wanted her opinion on who is a good surgeon. She gave me the name of a guy she feels is THE knee guy for dogs, and the clinic he works from, so maybe we'll go from there.
What I don't want, is to pay some mediocre surgeon a huge chunk of $$, and not have good results. If we're going to do this, I want her to have the best chance of a good outcome.
THEN I finally managed to get to the barn.
R thanked me for the repaired cribbing collar again, saying it fits perfectly. I'm glad I could do something to help someone, at least.
River was in a good mood today, it's a lot cooler and the flies aren't chewing on him as much.
I was barely able to focus on anything, and didn't bring any energy to the equation today, but he seemed to understand. He was very nice to me today.
We worked on the current pattern that requires a hind quarters yield, and he is doing much better with that.
We also worked a tiny bit on something for a "show me something fun you do with your horse" class.
Earl the cat also looked a bit perkier in the cooler weather, and he was very sweet to me too.
Then I came home, let everyone out into their pastures, and picked raspberries. Since we got the big rain, they are all ripening now.
I talked to my Sweetie, who found a rock climbing gym close enough to his hotel that it's useful (he knew ahead of time and took his gear with him. Geek.) He said his day was more or less what he thought it would be; reviewing safety protocols. Stuff he's done over and over and over again, but you have to keep re-certifying.
Cool temperatures, though it was a strange, overcast day that never felt like daylight.
I more or less just started my day when Sister E calls, to talk about Trainwreck. Sister E and others saw Trainwreck over the long weekend (they visited her in person) but Trainwreck was in terrible shape, and not willing to go to the hospital.
Trainwreck seems to have now entered a very rough stage of liver failure. She's jaundiced, not very coherent, and sleeps most of the time, and is throwing everything up.
I tried calling Trainwreck's phone, and her friend John picked up. He's an alcoholic too, though he periodically tries to quit drinking, does often go to AA, and so on. I don't know if I would consider him to be a solid human being, but for the last few years he has genuinely tried to be a good person to Trainwreck, in his own way. I know that he tries to get her to look after herself, and has done a lot in the way of helping her move, gets food for her, runs errands, pretty much anything she asks him to do.
He was in tears, as Trainwreck hasn't been letting him take her to the hospital, and he wonders every day now if she's just dead in her suite (they both live in the same Lodge, more or less across the hall from each other).
He was using her phone as he doesn't have one, but he wasn't sure if he should be calling family and trying to get them to do anything (I called the phone, not expecting to get him). I know family has been seeing her, but Trainwreck has been refusing medical help, so he doesn't know what else to do.
I was kind of worried about John, as he's pretty upset, and I would hate for him to go on a big drinking binge or something because of all of this. I told him that our family appreciates everything he's done for her, and not to blame himself for anything. Trainwreck makes her own choices.
I don't know that there's anything left for us to do, since you can't force anyone to accept medical care. Family already tried seeing if the police could do a wellness check and such, and they won't do anything like that. Ambulance attendants won't drag someone to the hospital, even if they're dying, if they are coherent enough to refuse treatment.
So, all I could do today was to talk to one of her sons, and tell him that if he and his brothers left today, they might at least be able to talk to her before she dies. Maybe they can convince her to go to a hospital, maybe not. I felt that they should at least know how bad things are.
So, as far as I know, her three adult sons (who all live in the same area a few hours away from Trainwreck) are going to make the drive to see if they can at least talk to her.
Going to the hospital won't "save" her, but it would be a more comfortable way to die, and it would save her friends at the lodge the trauma of finding her/seeing her taken away on a gurney. It might be less painful, as I'm sure they would give her morphine. It might at least give a few people time to say goodbye to her, and have a bit more dignity that her being found dead in her room.
I also talked to Sister S, just more or less covering the same bases as I did with Sister E and John and Trainwreck's son.
I also talked with a friend of ours who is a veterinarian in the city nearby, about Roxy's knees. We're considering our options with surgery, and I wanted her opinion on who is a good surgeon. She gave me the name of a guy she feels is THE knee guy for dogs, and the clinic he works from, so maybe we'll go from there.
What I don't want, is to pay some mediocre surgeon a huge chunk of $$, and not have good results. If we're going to do this, I want her to have the best chance of a good outcome.
THEN I finally managed to get to the barn.
R thanked me for the repaired cribbing collar again, saying it fits perfectly. I'm glad I could do something to help someone, at least.
River was in a good mood today, it's a lot cooler and the flies aren't chewing on him as much.
I was barely able to focus on anything, and didn't bring any energy to the equation today, but he seemed to understand. He was very nice to me today.
We worked on the current pattern that requires a hind quarters yield, and he is doing much better with that.
We also worked a tiny bit on something for a "show me something fun you do with your horse" class.
Earl the cat also looked a bit perkier in the cooler weather, and he was very sweet to me too.
Then I came home, let everyone out into their pastures, and picked raspberries. Since we got the big rain, they are all ripening now.
I talked to my Sweetie, who found a rock climbing gym close enough to his hotel that it's useful (he knew ahead of time and took his gear with him. Geek.) He said his day was more or less what he thought it would be; reviewing safety protocols. Stuff he's done over and over and over again, but you have to keep re-certifying.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-08 04:07 am (UTC)Anyway, your situation is far more serious since you know your sister is passing. I'm so so sorry for all that complicated grief and situation happening for you. You deserve so much better in a family, even through the hard times like this. I'm glad that you have the distance although that doesn't solve how it affects you internally. Please take good care of yourself as you handle all of this. You've got a Caring Heart and I know you have put so much love toward Trainwreck. I hope you can put some of that love toward yourself to this too.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-08 05:28 am (UTC)You can't help them make good decisions, you can't get them to take care of their bodies by not drinking etc, and you can't get them to go to the hospital.
She's BEEN going to see doctors (though only because she's been direly ill this last two years), but I think when she's this sick, she knows that they won't let her go home.
Yes, I've been trying to continue to do things for myself. My focus isn't always great, but I'm trying.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-08 07:36 am (UTC)