Saturday, August 10
Aug. 11th, 2024 12:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
I didn't get much sleep last night. It's something about having things planned for the next day that makes it hard for me to sleep.
I got up when my husband got up, at around 9 am or so, but I hadn't slept, and was angry at everything. I did get after my Sweetie to do SOMETHING on the house.
Once again, since the soffits and fascia were installed well over a month ago, closer to two, NOTHING has moved ahead on the house, or maybe very small things like putting handles on some cupboards.
Yes, he's been travelling, but you see, what is our plan for continuing to get things done if travelling is a normal part of his job? We have to keep working when he IS home, or plan to have contractors (he refuses, for the work inside, again).
He keeps stalling on working on the future bedroom. Really, really stalling. Three weeks ago I told him to find the tools he would need to cut part of the wall so he could keep laying down flooring, and that never materialized into actually doing anything.
My normal sleep schedule is weird, and I sleep late. Often when I get up, we have to go somewhere on the weekends, but my husband has several hours that he could work in the morning. My husband does not, what he does do is just wastes the entire morning on the computer. Yes, I understand about him needing down time, but he never thinks about what can really be accomplished if you just do a few hours of work every day, steadily. That we MUST keep working on the house in small bursts (since we never have big windows of time anymore), or it will never be done.
He rarely is self motivating any more. I have to pretty much tell him that he is going to do something, then push and push and push until he starts something. Then, the moment I look away, he goes back to doing nothing at home.
At work, he works because there is a whole system telling him what to do, and how to do it, and when to have it done by, and you know what? He gets things done. He doesn't have a supervisor at home. It used to be his own motivation to get things done, but not anymore. If I am not looming over him, it no longer happens.
It puts me in a bad position, because I hate being that person, and he never appreciates it. So, sometimes I don't say anything for a few weeks. You know what happens? Nothing. Nothing at all. He assumes I guess, that everything is done? I don't know. He knows it's not done. He just waits for me to be angry.
It's not even going to happen if I'm nice about it. Nope. I have to get angry. It sucks.
He did go cut the wall, but I don't think he even removed the area that he cut. Just made the cut. Sigh.
I tried to go back to sleep, and it didn't amount to anything.
We went to the city to go to the art gallery, and we met up with the same friend who came here to go kayaking last weekend, because we keep saying we'll meet her at the gallery, and never do. So I figured we needed to make it happen.
It was nice, and I think she enjoyed herself. By now we have seen everything currently on display, but she hasn't seen any of it. Her interest was pretty casual, and I was a bit surprised that she didn't even seem that familiar with the Group of Seven, but I guess that's the average person for you.
Then we went to a Caribbean festival taking place in the "square" outside the art gallery. It was crowded, loud, and we probably missed all the fun stuff (there was a parade or something earlier). By the time we went is was just loud canned music and some vendor booths, people milling around.
It was a bit shocking to see women who were obviously dancers walking around in their dance costumes, which were super skimpy. I don't know what a traditional Caribbean costume would be, but it probably isn't "Vegas Stripper". It seemed out of place in a crowd of people dressed in everyday clothes. It's like if there was one guy in a Speedo at the mall, just jarring and inappropriate.
Our friend at that point was overwhelmed by everything (she gets tired really easily these days), and went into a strange shutdown mode where she wasn't really "there". It was odd to see. She decided she needed to go home, which is fine. It's good that she understands her limits.
We went for supper with a couple that my husband has known since high school. The husband is an education specialist, and the wife is a veterinarian.
It was a good visit, but I'm wondering if the veterinarian has become too used to putting animals down as part of her work. A couple of her comments came off as being in the vein of "why go through all of that, just giving an animal a good death is an okay choice too", as opposed to pursuing treatment for animals of "low value" like gerbils or laying hens.
Her comment was part of a conversation where she asked me why I don't have chickens. A LOT OF PEOPLE seem to think I need to have chickens (they're a giant pain in the ass, we had them when I was growing up). Part of my not wanting chickens is because if they get sick in any way, you pretty much can't get any veterinary help for them unless it's just something like lice. No one treats illness in hens, and if they get sick, either you just kill them yourself, or take them to a separate spot to die on their own. That's pretty much all anyone will do for a chicken, and I don't want to even get started with them if that's how it's going to be.
So that's what I said to her. I don't like that you can't help them if they get sick, because all they'll do is die. She replied with "all things die" and I said "yes, but I always feel like there's something that should be done to try to help them live", which is when she came back with the "well, you can always just give them a good death and bury them".
She missed the whole point. I would want to save them, and I would suffer from how much I would care about them dying, and I couldn't kill them, etc. I don't think she really understood that I WOULD CARE ABOUT THEM, in a world that does not.
I made a comment that I passed off as a joke, but it wasn't. I basically said "well, maybe you aren't a vet I would go to, then". I mean, it's her JOB to help people take care of their animals, not to just sigh and say "well, maybe just death, then. It's cheaper and easier than treatment".
She's always been a bit "hard boiled", which maybe you have to be, but I think you can reach a point where you also lose compassion for the animals, and for their owners. That doesn't make a person a good veterinarian anymore.
This very attitude is why I am never going to be 100% on board with assisted death. I have the feeling that if we get comfortable with that as a "solution" for complicated illnesses or it will affect how we treat our elderly. I am afraid that would stop trying to find cures and therapies and just start shrugging and saying "there's nothing wrong with a good death". We're going to forget that prolonging someone's life by a few more months, or a few more years (which can also sometimes result in amazing recoveries, or remissions that last a long time). Especially if we start thinking of some people as being "of low value" (because humans NEVER think of other people that way, right?).
You can't ask a medical system to make that choice available, without the risk of it becoming normalized, and the staff becoming callous and lacking in compassion. To forget the value of life and living.
I do feel that there ARE times when assisted death is probably for the best, just the same as I have needed to give that to our beloved animals. WHEN THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING LEFT FOR THEM BUT SUFFERING.
Yet, if you can always just offer someone death, where is the motive to keep trying harder to find cures and therapies? You just KNOW that for the poor all they would get is the option of euthanization. We'd NEVER end up abusing it in terms of race or nationality or political affiliation or religion, right?
Moving on.
Then my Sweetie and I went to the book store and found a few things, and headed home.
That felt like a lot of socializing in one day, but the couple were people we hadn't seen in a LONG time, a few years, and it was starting to feel bad since we were in the city all the time. You have to make an effort.
I didn't get much sleep last night. It's something about having things planned for the next day that makes it hard for me to sleep.
I got up when my husband got up, at around 9 am or so, but I hadn't slept, and was angry at everything. I did get after my Sweetie to do SOMETHING on the house.
Once again, since the soffits and fascia were installed well over a month ago, closer to two, NOTHING has moved ahead on the house, or maybe very small things like putting handles on some cupboards.
Yes, he's been travelling, but you see, what is our plan for continuing to get things done if travelling is a normal part of his job? We have to keep working when he IS home, or plan to have contractors (he refuses, for the work inside, again).
He keeps stalling on working on the future bedroom. Really, really stalling. Three weeks ago I told him to find the tools he would need to cut part of the wall so he could keep laying down flooring, and that never materialized into actually doing anything.
My normal sleep schedule is weird, and I sleep late. Often when I get up, we have to go somewhere on the weekends, but my husband has several hours that he could work in the morning. My husband does not, what he does do is just wastes the entire morning on the computer. Yes, I understand about him needing down time, but he never thinks about what can really be accomplished if you just do a few hours of work every day, steadily. That we MUST keep working on the house in small bursts (since we never have big windows of time anymore), or it will never be done.
He rarely is self motivating any more. I have to pretty much tell him that he is going to do something, then push and push and push until he starts something. Then, the moment I look away, he goes back to doing nothing at home.
At work, he works because there is a whole system telling him what to do, and how to do it, and when to have it done by, and you know what? He gets things done. He doesn't have a supervisor at home. It used to be his own motivation to get things done, but not anymore. If I am not looming over him, it no longer happens.
It puts me in a bad position, because I hate being that person, and he never appreciates it. So, sometimes I don't say anything for a few weeks. You know what happens? Nothing. Nothing at all. He assumes I guess, that everything is done? I don't know. He knows it's not done. He just waits for me to be angry.
It's not even going to happen if I'm nice about it. Nope. I have to get angry. It sucks.
He did go cut the wall, but I don't think he even removed the area that he cut. Just made the cut. Sigh.
I tried to go back to sleep, and it didn't amount to anything.
We went to the city to go to the art gallery, and we met up with the same friend who came here to go kayaking last weekend, because we keep saying we'll meet her at the gallery, and never do. So I figured we needed to make it happen.
It was nice, and I think she enjoyed herself. By now we have seen everything currently on display, but she hasn't seen any of it. Her interest was pretty casual, and I was a bit surprised that she didn't even seem that familiar with the Group of Seven, but I guess that's the average person for you.
Then we went to a Caribbean festival taking place in the "square" outside the art gallery. It was crowded, loud, and we probably missed all the fun stuff (there was a parade or something earlier). By the time we went is was just loud canned music and some vendor booths, people milling around.
It was a bit shocking to see women who were obviously dancers walking around in their dance costumes, which were super skimpy. I don't know what a traditional Caribbean costume would be, but it probably isn't "Vegas Stripper". It seemed out of place in a crowd of people dressed in everyday clothes. It's like if there was one guy in a Speedo at the mall, just jarring and inappropriate.
Our friend at that point was overwhelmed by everything (she gets tired really easily these days), and went into a strange shutdown mode where she wasn't really "there". It was odd to see. She decided she needed to go home, which is fine. It's good that she understands her limits.
We went for supper with a couple that my husband has known since high school. The husband is an education specialist, and the wife is a veterinarian.
It was a good visit, but I'm wondering if the veterinarian has become too used to putting animals down as part of her work. A couple of her comments came off as being in the vein of "why go through all of that, just giving an animal a good death is an okay choice too", as opposed to pursuing treatment for animals of "low value" like gerbils or laying hens.
Her comment was part of a conversation where she asked me why I don't have chickens. A LOT OF PEOPLE seem to think I need to have chickens (they're a giant pain in the ass, we had them when I was growing up). Part of my not wanting chickens is because if they get sick in any way, you pretty much can't get any veterinary help for them unless it's just something like lice. No one treats illness in hens, and if they get sick, either you just kill them yourself, or take them to a separate spot to die on their own. That's pretty much all anyone will do for a chicken, and I don't want to even get started with them if that's how it's going to be.
So that's what I said to her. I don't like that you can't help them if they get sick, because all they'll do is die. She replied with "all things die" and I said "yes, but I always feel like there's something that should be done to try to help them live", which is when she came back with the "well, you can always just give them a good death and bury them".
She missed the whole point. I would want to save them, and I would suffer from how much I would care about them dying, and I couldn't kill them, etc. I don't think she really understood that I WOULD CARE ABOUT THEM, in a world that does not.
I made a comment that I passed off as a joke, but it wasn't. I basically said "well, maybe you aren't a vet I would go to, then". I mean, it's her JOB to help people take care of their animals, not to just sigh and say "well, maybe just death, then. It's cheaper and easier than treatment".
She's always been a bit "hard boiled", which maybe you have to be, but I think you can reach a point where you also lose compassion for the animals, and for their owners. That doesn't make a person a good veterinarian anymore.
This very attitude is why I am never going to be 100% on board with assisted death. I have the feeling that if we get comfortable with that as a "solution" for complicated illnesses or it will affect how we treat our elderly. I am afraid that would stop trying to find cures and therapies and just start shrugging and saying "there's nothing wrong with a good death". We're going to forget that prolonging someone's life by a few more months, or a few more years (which can also sometimes result in amazing recoveries, or remissions that last a long time). Especially if we start thinking of some people as being "of low value" (because humans NEVER think of other people that way, right?).
You can't ask a medical system to make that choice available, without the risk of it becoming normalized, and the staff becoming callous and lacking in compassion. To forget the value of life and living.
I do feel that there ARE times when assisted death is probably for the best, just the same as I have needed to give that to our beloved animals. WHEN THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING LEFT FOR THEM BUT SUFFERING.
Yet, if you can always just offer someone death, where is the motive to keep trying harder to find cures and therapies? You just KNOW that for the poor all they would get is the option of euthanization. We'd NEVER end up abusing it in terms of race or nationality or political affiliation or religion, right?
Moving on.
Then my Sweetie and I went to the book store and found a few things, and headed home.
That felt like a lot of socializing in one day, but the couple were people we hadn't seen in a LONG time, a few years, and it was starting to feel bad since we were in the city all the time. You have to make an effort.
