Tuesday, October 22
Oct. 23rd, 2024 01:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
A little warmer and sunny today. Much more pleasant than yesterday's grey skies.
I got some solid sleep that I desperately needed.
I did the normal chores and walked around the horse pasture with Roxy for a while.
My Sweetie got groceries after work, so I'm happy that he did that. We had a good laugh over this absolutely gigantic cabbage that he brought home.
He was going straight to work in the basement when he got home at about 4 pm (his current job assignment is so weird, they start the day at 6:30 am, and he's done at 3 pm, and they did that because it means that employees are avoiding rush hours for driving).
So, he did get home about the time I was leaving to go to the barn to see River.
I REALLY did not want to talk to R about that crazy stuff that went down the other day. I think she saw that in me, as she didn't bring it up at all. I need to have something to say to her if she does ask, and it needs to be honest without destroying the otherwise good relationship I have with her.
I am supposed to record our freestyle tomorrow, and I am also trying to let go of the need for it to be perfect. It's supposed to be fun, where I dress up as Beetlejuice, and we do some fun stuff to music, but that part of me that wants it to be excellent is making it hard for me to just enjoy the process.
It has been kind of fun to put together a costume, stressful to go through a whole big rigamarole to download music editing software and put together the music I needed, and hit and miss for fun putting together the stuff River and I do together. If there was NO PRESSURE to perform, it would all be fun.
I decided to just cut out part of the actions we were doing to give me more time, because it was too tight to fit the music. There's a half way point where I have to mount him and get on with the ridden part, and every time I go through the things we are doing on the ground there's not enough time to do it before the half way point where I mount, so since River isn't going to be FASTER, I just cut a bunch of it right out, and now it does fit.
There are just some things that he is doing SO SLOW, and it ruins the pace, so if I just don't do them, we're better off.
Anyhow, I can't make him into something he isn't. He's just not a quick stepping horse. He's ponderous and slow most of the time. Liberty is about the horse being free to act, and he acts slow.
I didn't want to drill or over do anything today, since that creates that sense of frustration between us, so I did our thing without that pressure.
Then I spent ten or fifteen minutes just riding him without a specific set of goals, but just getting him to MOVE FORWARD, and we had our tunes with us today. I really enjoy this kind of less focused riding where we are just moving together to music.
I came home, I cooked, my Sweetie did dishes.
At one point I did feel some frustration because as I was cooking, I wanted to add garlic powder, and we have these two plastic containers that have spices in those bags they come in. I looked through them, and said "huh, I guess we're out of garlic powder". My husband responded with "did you look in both of the containers".
That just hit me the wrong way. Like, YES OF COURSE I DID, DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?
His "apology" was to say "I was honestly just being helpful", but come on. You think I would not look in both containers?
Maybe I over reacted, but it was so patronizing. I did let it go quickly and we moved on, but....!
We watched some "Justified".
A little warmer and sunny today. Much more pleasant than yesterday's grey skies.
I got some solid sleep that I desperately needed.
I did the normal chores and walked around the horse pasture with Roxy for a while.
My Sweetie got groceries after work, so I'm happy that he did that. We had a good laugh over this absolutely gigantic cabbage that he brought home.
He was going straight to work in the basement when he got home at about 4 pm (his current job assignment is so weird, they start the day at 6:30 am, and he's done at 3 pm, and they did that because it means that employees are avoiding rush hours for driving).
So, he did get home about the time I was leaving to go to the barn to see River.
I REALLY did not want to talk to R about that crazy stuff that went down the other day. I think she saw that in me, as she didn't bring it up at all. I need to have something to say to her if she does ask, and it needs to be honest without destroying the otherwise good relationship I have with her.
I am supposed to record our freestyle tomorrow, and I am also trying to let go of the need for it to be perfect. It's supposed to be fun, where I dress up as Beetlejuice, and we do some fun stuff to music, but that part of me that wants it to be excellent is making it hard for me to just enjoy the process.
It has been kind of fun to put together a costume, stressful to go through a whole big rigamarole to download music editing software and put together the music I needed, and hit and miss for fun putting together the stuff River and I do together. If there was NO PRESSURE to perform, it would all be fun.
I decided to just cut out part of the actions we were doing to give me more time, because it was too tight to fit the music. There's a half way point where I have to mount him and get on with the ridden part, and every time I go through the things we are doing on the ground there's not enough time to do it before the half way point where I mount, so since River isn't going to be FASTER, I just cut a bunch of it right out, and now it does fit.
There are just some things that he is doing SO SLOW, and it ruins the pace, so if I just don't do them, we're better off.
Anyhow, I can't make him into something he isn't. He's just not a quick stepping horse. He's ponderous and slow most of the time. Liberty is about the horse being free to act, and he acts slow.
I didn't want to drill or over do anything today, since that creates that sense of frustration between us, so I did our thing without that pressure.
Then I spent ten or fifteen minutes just riding him without a specific set of goals, but just getting him to MOVE FORWARD, and we had our tunes with us today. I really enjoy this kind of less focused riding where we are just moving together to music.
I came home, I cooked, my Sweetie did dishes.
At one point I did feel some frustration because as I was cooking, I wanted to add garlic powder, and we have these two plastic containers that have spices in those bags they come in. I looked through them, and said "huh, I guess we're out of garlic powder". My husband responded with "did you look in both of the containers".
That just hit me the wrong way. Like, YES OF COURSE I DID, DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?
His "apology" was to say "I was honestly just being helpful", but come on. You think I would not look in both containers?
Maybe I over reacted, but it was so patronizing. I did let it go quickly and we moved on, but....!
We watched some "Justified".
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 09:48 pm (UTC)for what it's worth? you've had so much going on and you've handled it so well, that it's understandable that the thing between your husband and you was just a really bad moment. Just he might have just been thinking like a guy realizing he wouldn't have looked in both. But I understand the real frustration of not having what you need. The caregivers come in and just use up what I have and don't tell me that we have no onions left or no garlic or no meat in the freezer. Even though I have totals that I have been change supposedly when they use up something So I know when there are zeros. anyway, I'm glad overall your day went better and even let the situation that briefly happened to your husband was diffused and moved on.
Keep doing things that make you feel safely you. At least for me that often means it has very little to do with anyone else. Anyway take care
no subject
Date: 2024-10-25 06:28 am (UTC)It was something about me being too stupid to look in both containers. They sit side by side in the cupboard, and hold the spice bags. They've been there for a couple of years, just like that.
I don't know how to explain it, it would be like if I tried to get salt out of one of the shakers on the table, went "huh, that wasn't salt", and not bothering to try the OTHER shaker, which would almost 100% have to be the salt.
Of course I would have to try them both before saying we were OUT of salt.
If someone said "did you try the other shaker"...well...you'd be frustrated because of COURSE you'd try the other shaker.
Anyhow. It's long over.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-27 04:31 am (UTC)