Wednesday, August 14

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

My sweetie's parents being understanding of my sleep schedule, and not coming into the house while I'm sleeping. At one time, they were NOT very understanding of my sleep schedule at all.

For all the help they've given us. We really needed it.

For my sweetie and his Dad making such good progress with the demolition. I am somewhat sad, walking through what has been our home this past eleven years, and seeing it empty and in stages of removal. For all it's faults, it had it's comforts too. I have a lot of memories of the work we did to make it nicer, lots of happy moments there, and familiarity. The bathroom is still intact (though mostly empty), and it's weird to go in there, and it's still a perfect room, our bathroom, and the rest of the house is dissolving.

I feel like my sweetie's Mom is kinder these days, towards me. It's taken a long time, for her to just accept me the way I am (or, it's taken me a very long time to accept myself, and to care less about what she might think of me, and to accept her the way she is). I don't know that I will ever totally get past how snotty she was towards me for many years when my sweetie and I were first together, how she made me feel uncultured and unworthy of her son, how I felt like I could not be myself around her, and how she was always in charge and didn't take into account other people's wants and needs. Some of that might have been projection of my own feelings towards myself, I am willing to accept that I am half of this issue.

What I feel bad about, is that whenever I am unhappy with my sweetie's parents, he's the one who has to deal with my unhappiness.

Right now, I am trying to be more compassionate towards them. They are getting older, and my sweetie's Mom is developing Dementia. I think it's actually making her kinder, because she is aware that while she is more vulnerable, my sweetie and I are making sure she's included in the house stuff, and that she has a role to play, that we are spending time with her and talking with her, and so on. Even though I have often just found her a trial to be around, I am doing my best to be nice, and to make sure my sweetie gets to be with them. I do think she's trying to be more respectful towards me than she used to be, probably because she's more grateful that I am still willing to let her visit us.

I honestly think it's only really occurred to my husband this last year or so, that his parents are truly getting older now, and things are changing with them. I feel like maybe he didn't really understand what it's been like for me (my Mom is a lot older, and I've been going through these feelings for most of the time I've been with my sweetie, and I think he didn't really understand truly, until recently what it feels like to watch your parents age).

That the cats are doing well in the new house. They aren't fighting, or marking (so far, at least), and Celeste did not revert to hiding (she hid in our bedroom for over three months when we got her last year).

That a get together with some friends of ours went well. Their anniversary was a few days ago, and ours is in a few days, so we were kind of celebrating our mutual anniversaries. They brought over some liqueurs and wine for us to try. I'm not a big drinker, and have no tolerance, but I did try them all. We did have some champagne that I bought, and I liked. It was a bit dry, and crisp.

The sensual pleasure of a shower in the new tub ( a very nice shower head), surrounded by billowing, pure white shower curtains. I managed to get the temperature just right.

The wonderful taste of melons at the peak of ripeness.