Friday, December 20
Dec. 21st, 2024 12:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Waking today and feeling fairly well rested.
I managed to finally speak with Mom today, since the last several times I've tried to call her she's been sleeping, or they have someone playing live music for them (which is nice) or she's eating a meal. I had a reasonable conversation with her today, at least she was awake and cheerful even if there wasn't much of an exchange.
I haven't heard much from our family about how our Uncle M is doing. He moved to the same facility as our Mom (they're siblings) though he was very much opposed to it. It was a very necessary move, mainly as his anxiety made it impossible for his wife to take care of him, though she really tried. She isn't in much better shape, though.
I spoke with Trainwreck, more or less I wanted to know if she knew anything about our Uncle, and she didn't. That's mainly what we talked about. You know, all the depressing news about how everyone is in horrible shape, over and over again. It's not her fault, I think at some point this is just what's happening. At the same time, with some effort, it might be possible to find something less depressing to talk about if one tried. Maybe.
When I did chores and such today outside, I worked with Dandy in the big pasture.
I've been getting him used to the plastic sled I use for hauling hay, walking beside him with it when we go back and forth to Wonder's pen and the goat/pony pen that is his home.
Today I put the surcingle on him, and tied the sled to it in a way that I could release it quickly if it bothered him. The sled was empty and thus light, and he seemed fine pulling it behind him. We walked around the pasture together (I used a halter) and he seemed fine with all of it.
So, that's a pretty good acceptance of dragging something.
I worked with Wonder for a few minutes, just some Liberty circles, working again on the side that bothers her so much.
It was a bit warmer today than it has been, and supposed to be even warmer tomorrow, so I took the liner out of Wonder's blanket, and when I went to the barn I put a lighter blanket on River.
I did go to the barn, and River had been eating for a while from the looks of it, so he wasn't too empty to think. We had a good session, he seemed to be focused and in a good mood, and we worked on our homework.
He did a nice job of our Liberty circles at a canter, and kept the momentum when I brought him into me, which is perfect.
Under saddle I felt like we did a bit better with the shoulder yields and the hip yields, so that's good.
I stood up on him today! No one was around to witness it, but that's fine. I KNOW that I stood up on him. River was nice and calm for me, and not concerned at all by my antics.
I've been practicing the movement at home by standing up on a leather medicine ball. It is a pretty good approximation, as I have to hold my feet pretty much the same way and balance to stand up on it.
After I finished up with River, I stayed for the young woman with health challenges' lesson, and worked with a horse called Ferrari.
He was VERY OVERWEIGHT when he showed up at the barn a few months ago, and R has been doing a lot to keep him worked regularly by finding a person to lease him, working with him herself, and regulating his feed. I can tell he's lost weight and is moving better these days.
I enjoyed working with him, he has a certain quickness in his responses and his gait is forward. He's a very willing horse, and seems happy to work.
A lot of the horses who come to this barn start off being very worried or jaded from their previous handling, or lack of handling, and often once they get going with the way things are done here, they end up being very comfortable and relaxed and willing. Most of the horses show a sense of play and curiosity that you don't see at most barns. I think it's the Liberty training, and the overall philosophy of compassionate training.
When we were finishing up in the barn, putting things away, R and I each had a gift for the young woman, and she had things for us.
I had that little dog stuffie I mentioned, all wrapped up for her, and her face really LIT UP when she saw it. She could tell that it looked a bit like R's dog Nacho, that this young woman loves. I'm glad I got her something, and that she liked it.
It's not always easy to communicate with this person that it's nice to work with a horse in her lesson time (I enjoy the social experience, and getting the chance to work with a variety of horses) and to get to know her.
I came home and my Sweetie was already there, getting the wood stove going. He showed me more "handy things" he picked up, and at least this time he didn't say they were my Christmas present. They might be helpful, so that's nice.
He also got a pair of good everyday boots to wear. We've been looking for a very specific brand and style of boot for a while now, so I'm glad he found them. He had to go to a brand specific store to find them.
The we watched "Earnest Saves Christmas", which is great if you like Earnest movies. Classics, really.
Then Trainwreck texted, wanting to call. I was like....okaaayyyy....I really try not to encourage her to call late at night, because it's only ever going to be one kind of conversation, right?
She had tripped on an afghan, and for her any kind of tripping or falling is usually very painful. She is pretty frail, and her bruises even for fairly common bumps get to be those awful black ones that take weeks to go away. So I guess she just wanted to distract herself from feeling bad about tripping and falling. Unless she's bad enough to go to the hospital, there isn't really much one can do. Not much for me to do from this end other than say "oh no".
I didn't talk for long, as I am trying not to encourage the multiple "just chatting" calls that she can do in a day, unless she really needs them.
At the same time, I do understand. I've been feeling okay this last year or so since my husband is working locally and comes home at night. Even if we only talk for an hour before he goes to bed, there IS someone in bed to cuddle with, there is someone coming home for supper together, there is someone to talk to in person that cares about my life. There is a reason to get out of bed, a reason to come home at night, a reason to cook a meal and do dishes and do laundry and so on. There is the promise of someone to do fun things with on his days off, and someone to work with on projects on the house.
I know that when he is away, even with my riding and animals and other hobbies, life can feel very empty and lonely with long, dark stretches of empty time in them.
That said, I can't fix that for her. Yes, I can talk to her sometimes, but to talk about what? All she ends up talking about is everyone rotting to pieces in our family. She doesn't have other things to add to the conversation, so I END UP feeling depressed after talking to her about things neither one of us can change.
I am doing my DAMNDEST to be ALIVE for whatever time I can do that for. I go outside. I walk. I spend time with the animals, I work with Wonder and Dandy, I do chores, I do laundry, I go to town for pottery and groceries, I go to the barn and work with River, and then I come home and we watch a show together, I often do some painting or other art, I read, I do yoga, and that's my life mostly.
I've talked with her about trying to create something for herself, and while her health and finances do limit things a bit, I am convinced that there is still a lot of opportunities to engage with life for her, if she wanted to try.
Waking today and feeling fairly well rested.
I managed to finally speak with Mom today, since the last several times I've tried to call her she's been sleeping, or they have someone playing live music for them (which is nice) or she's eating a meal. I had a reasonable conversation with her today, at least she was awake and cheerful even if there wasn't much of an exchange.
I haven't heard much from our family about how our Uncle M is doing. He moved to the same facility as our Mom (they're siblings) though he was very much opposed to it. It was a very necessary move, mainly as his anxiety made it impossible for his wife to take care of him, though she really tried. She isn't in much better shape, though.
I spoke with Trainwreck, more or less I wanted to know if she knew anything about our Uncle, and she didn't. That's mainly what we talked about. You know, all the depressing news about how everyone is in horrible shape, over and over again. It's not her fault, I think at some point this is just what's happening. At the same time, with some effort, it might be possible to find something less depressing to talk about if one tried. Maybe.
When I did chores and such today outside, I worked with Dandy in the big pasture.
I've been getting him used to the plastic sled I use for hauling hay, walking beside him with it when we go back and forth to Wonder's pen and the goat/pony pen that is his home.
Today I put the surcingle on him, and tied the sled to it in a way that I could release it quickly if it bothered him. The sled was empty and thus light, and he seemed fine pulling it behind him. We walked around the pasture together (I used a halter) and he seemed fine with all of it.
So, that's a pretty good acceptance of dragging something.
I worked with Wonder for a few minutes, just some Liberty circles, working again on the side that bothers her so much.
It was a bit warmer today than it has been, and supposed to be even warmer tomorrow, so I took the liner out of Wonder's blanket, and when I went to the barn I put a lighter blanket on River.
I did go to the barn, and River had been eating for a while from the looks of it, so he wasn't too empty to think. We had a good session, he seemed to be focused and in a good mood, and we worked on our homework.
He did a nice job of our Liberty circles at a canter, and kept the momentum when I brought him into me, which is perfect.
Under saddle I felt like we did a bit better with the shoulder yields and the hip yields, so that's good.
I stood up on him today! No one was around to witness it, but that's fine. I KNOW that I stood up on him. River was nice and calm for me, and not concerned at all by my antics.
I've been practicing the movement at home by standing up on a leather medicine ball. It is a pretty good approximation, as I have to hold my feet pretty much the same way and balance to stand up on it.
After I finished up with River, I stayed for the young woman with health challenges' lesson, and worked with a horse called Ferrari.
He was VERY OVERWEIGHT when he showed up at the barn a few months ago, and R has been doing a lot to keep him worked regularly by finding a person to lease him, working with him herself, and regulating his feed. I can tell he's lost weight and is moving better these days.
I enjoyed working with him, he has a certain quickness in his responses and his gait is forward. He's a very willing horse, and seems happy to work.
A lot of the horses who come to this barn start off being very worried or jaded from their previous handling, or lack of handling, and often once they get going with the way things are done here, they end up being very comfortable and relaxed and willing. Most of the horses show a sense of play and curiosity that you don't see at most barns. I think it's the Liberty training, and the overall philosophy of compassionate training.
When we were finishing up in the barn, putting things away, R and I each had a gift for the young woman, and she had things for us.
I had that little dog stuffie I mentioned, all wrapped up for her, and her face really LIT UP when she saw it. She could tell that it looked a bit like R's dog Nacho, that this young woman loves. I'm glad I got her something, and that she liked it.
It's not always easy to communicate with this person that it's nice to work with a horse in her lesson time (I enjoy the social experience, and getting the chance to work with a variety of horses) and to get to know her.
I came home and my Sweetie was already there, getting the wood stove going. He showed me more "handy things" he picked up, and at least this time he didn't say they were my Christmas present. They might be helpful, so that's nice.
He also got a pair of good everyday boots to wear. We've been looking for a very specific brand and style of boot for a while now, so I'm glad he found them. He had to go to a brand specific store to find them.
The we watched "Earnest Saves Christmas", which is great if you like Earnest movies. Classics, really.
Then Trainwreck texted, wanting to call. I was like....okaaayyyy....I really try not to encourage her to call late at night, because it's only ever going to be one kind of conversation, right?
She had tripped on an afghan, and for her any kind of tripping or falling is usually very painful. She is pretty frail, and her bruises even for fairly common bumps get to be those awful black ones that take weeks to go away. So I guess she just wanted to distract herself from feeling bad about tripping and falling. Unless she's bad enough to go to the hospital, there isn't really much one can do. Not much for me to do from this end other than say "oh no".
I didn't talk for long, as I am trying not to encourage the multiple "just chatting" calls that she can do in a day, unless she really needs them.
At the same time, I do understand. I've been feeling okay this last year or so since my husband is working locally and comes home at night. Even if we only talk for an hour before he goes to bed, there IS someone in bed to cuddle with, there is someone coming home for supper together, there is someone to talk to in person that cares about my life. There is a reason to get out of bed, a reason to come home at night, a reason to cook a meal and do dishes and do laundry and so on. There is the promise of someone to do fun things with on his days off, and someone to work with on projects on the house.
I know that when he is away, even with my riding and animals and other hobbies, life can feel very empty and lonely with long, dark stretches of empty time in them.
That said, I can't fix that for her. Yes, I can talk to her sometimes, but to talk about what? All she ends up talking about is everyone rotting to pieces in our family. She doesn't have other things to add to the conversation, so I END UP feeling depressed after talking to her about things neither one of us can change.
I am doing my DAMNDEST to be ALIVE for whatever time I can do that for. I go outside. I walk. I spend time with the animals, I work with Wonder and Dandy, I do chores, I do laundry, I go to town for pottery and groceries, I go to the barn and work with River, and then I come home and we watch a show together, I often do some painting or other art, I read, I do yoga, and that's my life mostly.
I've talked with her about trying to create something for herself, and while her health and finances do limit things a bit, I am convinced that there is still a lot of opportunities to engage with life for her, if she wanted to try.
