gottawonder

Today I am grateful for:

Continued mild weather.

I watched a recent video of Ben Atkinson at a Horseman's Showcase, where he did a very good video that demonstrated the basic building blocks of Liberty work. There were a few things in that video that I feel I can use to improve my work, that maybe at one time or another DID come up in my work with R during lessons, but hasn't become a habit with me, and hasn't been corrected by R either. So, I can try to work on these things.

I was able to work with Dandy and Wonder again out in the big pasture. Dandy did very well staying with me, and we walked all the way around the pasture without him leaving. I also did a bit of work on yields.

I spent some time working on Wonder, mostly to no avail, but I guess she gets some stimulation from it all.

It was a pleasant day to be outside, anyways.

While I was doing that, my Sweetie was doing more prep work for the work in the bedroom. He did get a few boards on the floor. I think he is finally feeling more confident about being able to do the work without messing it up, just because he's spending time on it, and confronting it instead of just pretending it doesn't exist.

Trainwreck called again. She's feeling very upset about the fall she had the other day, as she now has a very bad bruise on her face.

I don't think she wants to leave her apartment looking like that, but I don't know what choice she has. That's going to take WEEKS to clear up, given that things take a long time to heal for her.

She's saying she doesn't want to go to a Christmas gathering that her kids are having, and she doesn't want them to come see her at her apartment either. She hasn't even told them that she fell, or that she bruised her face.

Yet, she told ME that she fell, and she told ME that she bruised her face. Why is she okay telling ME these things, but not her sons?

I am wondering if she's drinking again, and if that was part of why she fell. If that's the case, I guess it makes it a lot worse for her in terms of what her kids will think of the situation.

If she were actually in AA or therapy, she would know that black and white thinking is a real issue for people trying to stop drinking, and that drinking again doesn't mean you've FAILED BEING SOBER FOREVER. It means you try again. She won't go to AA though, likely because she would have to be accountable for her actions.

So, I feel like she wants me to DO SOMETHING. Likely she wants ME to talk to her kids for her, and tell them what's happening so she doesn't have to tell them. She likely wants ME to convince them to go break her door down and MAKE her enjoy Christmas.

If this had been Mom, I would have still wanted to be with her, and if her face were bruised it would be all the more reason to go see her. If it were because she was an alcoholic who got drunk and fell, maybe it would be harder, but I don't know that I would have wanted her to be alone for Christmas.

So here is Trainwreck, probably once again preparing to hole herself up in her apartment and try to drink herself to death because she can't face the responsibility of talking to people about what she wants or what she needs, or to do the hard things like go to AA, or to go to a doctor to see if she broke a bone in her face or whatever.

This is so exhausting. It is not my job to broker her happiness.

We went to the barn together to see River.

I tried to be mindful of my body to use the things I noticed about Ben's work, such as whip position and body posture, and how to use turns to improve the circle, getting the horse's eye contact in a Liberty circle, using the shoulder to draw the horse in, and so on. I felt like I saw some improvement right away in the amount of connection I had with River in our circles, and how much control I had over the size of the circle.

That's a pretty big amount of improvement to see that quickly.

River also did some very good stationary canter circles.

I was able to stand all the way up again, and this time I got my Sweetie to get a picture.

For some reason, this picture makes me look VERY TALL, and VERY BIG. I think it's just the angle. River is a pretty big horse, and while I am biggish, I am only about 5'9". Anyhow, he was very calm and relaxed, and I think that shows in the picture. That's what I'm looking for!

K (R's husband) chatted with us for a while, and he says that R drank the wine we gave her and said it was tasty, and he mentioned how much HE likes the peach candies I gave her (she shared a bit). It was very nice to talk with him.

Then we came home and watched "Scrooged", another one of our favorites to watch during the holidays.