Friday, January 10
Jan. 11th, 2025 01:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Getting good sleep.
Lovely weather outside.
I will say that the main part of today didn't NEED to be so jangly and stressful, but it was.
I spoke with Sister S, and most of the time our calls aren't stressful, but they are kind of sad. Sister S has had back problems for decades, and recently have gotten bad enough that the nerve in her back is pinched, causing her to lose a lot of the ability to move her legs. She's saying it's not THAT painful, but there isn't any signal getting through. She's almost housebound right now, kind of feeling vulnerable about being dependent on her husband (who doesn't really sound like he's being that supportive?) and she's just..sitting in her house all day alone.
The one hope she does have, is that she might be able to have surgery in February, and that might restore some of her mobility.
None of that was stressful.
Then of course, she brought up Trainwreck, and that has become a trigger for me these days. Nothing Sister S said was wrong or out of line, but I have to say that I am tired of how Trainwreck just LOOMS in all of our consciousness in our family. Frankly, I'm just tired of giving up so much of my happiness and my energy to thinking and talking and worrying about someone who doesn't actually try to help herself.
I did work with Dandy, and did have him pull the empty hay sled around. He was fussy and fidgety for a while because his expectation is that when I go outside, I'm supposed to FEED him right away, not work with him! He settled down a bit after a while, but not entirely.
I've been leaving him with Wonder longer each day; I feel very guilty that she spends a lot of time alone. At least she seems fairly calm being alone, not pacing or whinnying, just snoozing a lot. Most horses spend a fair amount of time just standing and dozing if they're done eating.
I went to see River, and by the time I got to the barn it was suddenly VERY WINDY.
When I started working with him in the arena, he wasn't too worried about the noise of the wind and the rain (yup, warm enough for freezing rain), but R was in there too working with a horse (Maverick), and the two of them seemed kind of jittery.
Once R and Maverick left, River was pretty good and focused. I didn't ride today, but focused on connecting in spite of the noise, and the groundwork.
I stayed to work Maverick during the woman with health issues's lesson.
I felt like R and this woman were both a bit on edge, and sure enough, this young woman (H) had done something (no one saw exactly what she was doing) to spook her horse on the ground, and he pulled back a bit.
For an average horse person, that little spook wouldn't have been a big deal, but H is frail both in body and in confidence. The pull hurt the hand that held the lead rope though probably nothing too bad, but H is easily frightened, which is fair given that she is very weak.
H was born deaf, so she vocalizes in an unsettling way when she is upset that sounds a bit like an upset animal. She proceeded to make very unsettling sounds for an extended period of time while she and R tried to communicate about what had happened.
H was ready to just leave, and R was trying to convince her to just keep going, and try to manage her emotions.
Well, that didn't really work. R had H mount this horse, but H was still very upset, still making the unsettling noises, and not focusing on riding. She was signing angrily and continuing to vent her feelings at R.
At that point, R decided that H needed to get off of her horse, which I think was the right choice because she was too upset to be on a horse. H though, went through this childish thing of pretending she couldn't dismount, and R had to get me to hold the horse and kind of help her off.
My work with Maverick was kind of okay, though most of the reason for me being there with another horse was to help keep the other horse calm with the wind today.
So by the end of the lesson, everyone's emotions were all over the place and H was crying and R was upset that it's so hard to help H with things, and no one even knows why her horse jerked back a bit (truly it wasn't much of a movement).
I went into the barn first while R and H stayed in the arena and kept going with H gesticulating (no one at the barn really knows sign language well enough to understand a complicated conversation) and R trying to communicate that H was okay, that it wasn't that big a spook....etc.
I know that some of this is that H does tend to not have good horse handling skills, can be a bit abrupt with them or a bit rough, and R has tried to work with her on that.
THAT SAID, my feelings are that this person should basically be kept strictly to ponies that are dead broke, and led around instead of thinking she should be trying to be more independent. She is frail, her understanding of instructions is very limited, and I truly shudder to think of the consequences should she fall or have a horse REALLY spook with her.
I know that the horse R has her riding now is a very kind horse, but he is NOT bombproof, and in my opinion is not the near zombie level of calm that H really needs.
I ended up feeling like I was caught up in all of these very strong emotions, and that I was somehow trying to support R (I could tell she was very worried that she was at fault, though I don't think she was) and H (who was just very scared), and even the horses (who were upset at all the noise and carrying on).
I was just worn right out.
My husband showed up right when R and H were back in the barn talking with H's father, and everyone was STILL all worked up.
I had already got Maverick taken care of and blanketed to go outside, and swept the alley and put everything away, and with all the talking and carrying on it took until nearly 9 pm (H's lesson started at 7) before they were all done and left.
The mushy snow had been falling the whole time, so the road home was very tricky, and I drove (with my husband behind in his car) VERY SLOWLY.
When we got home, the horses were soaked, so we got blankets on Wonder and the ponies, put Dandy back with the goats, and finally went inside.
We ate and watched an episode of "The Orville".
I'm going to do some meditation tonight to try to even things out a bit, though I'm already feeling a lot better.
Getting good sleep.
Lovely weather outside.
I will say that the main part of today didn't NEED to be so jangly and stressful, but it was.
I spoke with Sister S, and most of the time our calls aren't stressful, but they are kind of sad. Sister S has had back problems for decades, and recently have gotten bad enough that the nerve in her back is pinched, causing her to lose a lot of the ability to move her legs. She's saying it's not THAT painful, but there isn't any signal getting through. She's almost housebound right now, kind of feeling vulnerable about being dependent on her husband (who doesn't really sound like he's being that supportive?) and she's just..sitting in her house all day alone.
The one hope she does have, is that she might be able to have surgery in February, and that might restore some of her mobility.
None of that was stressful.
Then of course, she brought up Trainwreck, and that has become a trigger for me these days. Nothing Sister S said was wrong or out of line, but I have to say that I am tired of how Trainwreck just LOOMS in all of our consciousness in our family. Frankly, I'm just tired of giving up so much of my happiness and my energy to thinking and talking and worrying about someone who doesn't actually try to help herself.
I did work with Dandy, and did have him pull the empty hay sled around. He was fussy and fidgety for a while because his expectation is that when I go outside, I'm supposed to FEED him right away, not work with him! He settled down a bit after a while, but not entirely.
I've been leaving him with Wonder longer each day; I feel very guilty that she spends a lot of time alone. At least she seems fairly calm being alone, not pacing or whinnying, just snoozing a lot. Most horses spend a fair amount of time just standing and dozing if they're done eating.
I went to see River, and by the time I got to the barn it was suddenly VERY WINDY.
When I started working with him in the arena, he wasn't too worried about the noise of the wind and the rain (yup, warm enough for freezing rain), but R was in there too working with a horse (Maverick), and the two of them seemed kind of jittery.
Once R and Maverick left, River was pretty good and focused. I didn't ride today, but focused on connecting in spite of the noise, and the groundwork.
I stayed to work Maverick during the woman with health issues's lesson.
I felt like R and this woman were both a bit on edge, and sure enough, this young woman (H) had done something (no one saw exactly what she was doing) to spook her horse on the ground, and he pulled back a bit.
For an average horse person, that little spook wouldn't have been a big deal, but H is frail both in body and in confidence. The pull hurt the hand that held the lead rope though probably nothing too bad, but H is easily frightened, which is fair given that she is very weak.
H was born deaf, so she vocalizes in an unsettling way when she is upset that sounds a bit like an upset animal. She proceeded to make very unsettling sounds for an extended period of time while she and R tried to communicate about what had happened.
H was ready to just leave, and R was trying to convince her to just keep going, and try to manage her emotions.
Well, that didn't really work. R had H mount this horse, but H was still very upset, still making the unsettling noises, and not focusing on riding. She was signing angrily and continuing to vent her feelings at R.
At that point, R decided that H needed to get off of her horse, which I think was the right choice because she was too upset to be on a horse. H though, went through this childish thing of pretending she couldn't dismount, and R had to get me to hold the horse and kind of help her off.
My work with Maverick was kind of okay, though most of the reason for me being there with another horse was to help keep the other horse calm with the wind today.
So by the end of the lesson, everyone's emotions were all over the place and H was crying and R was upset that it's so hard to help H with things, and no one even knows why her horse jerked back a bit (truly it wasn't much of a movement).
I went into the barn first while R and H stayed in the arena and kept going with H gesticulating (no one at the barn really knows sign language well enough to understand a complicated conversation) and R trying to communicate that H was okay, that it wasn't that big a spook....etc.
I know that some of this is that H does tend to not have good horse handling skills, can be a bit abrupt with them or a bit rough, and R has tried to work with her on that.
THAT SAID, my feelings are that this person should basically be kept strictly to ponies that are dead broke, and led around instead of thinking she should be trying to be more independent. She is frail, her understanding of instructions is very limited, and I truly shudder to think of the consequences should she fall or have a horse REALLY spook with her.
I know that the horse R has her riding now is a very kind horse, but he is NOT bombproof, and in my opinion is not the near zombie level of calm that H really needs.
I ended up feeling like I was caught up in all of these very strong emotions, and that I was somehow trying to support R (I could tell she was very worried that she was at fault, though I don't think she was) and H (who was just very scared), and even the horses (who were upset at all the noise and carrying on).
I was just worn right out.
My husband showed up right when R and H were back in the barn talking with H's father, and everyone was STILL all worked up.
I had already got Maverick taken care of and blanketed to go outside, and swept the alley and put everything away, and with all the talking and carrying on it took until nearly 9 pm (H's lesson started at 7) before they were all done and left.
The mushy snow had been falling the whole time, so the road home was very tricky, and I drove (with my husband behind in his car) VERY SLOWLY.
When we got home, the horses were soaked, so we got blankets on Wonder and the ponies, put Dandy back with the goats, and finally went inside.
We ate and watched an episode of "The Orville".
I'm going to do some meditation tonight to try to even things out a bit, though I'm already feeling a lot better.
