My Aunt E and Uncle M.
Jan. 26th, 2025 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderI'm writing this separately, just so my post today isn't enormous and confusing.
My Uncle M was having a lot of difficulty with anxiety and Dementia, to the point where my Aunt E could not cope with it any more.
They are in their 80's, and not HORRIBLE for health, but my Aunt E is deaf and has diabetes, and is pretty frail these days. She still walks inside the house okay and cooks, can drive on country roads and such, but maybe shouldn't.
My Uncle M is pretty good for his age in his body, but has worse and worse anxiety, partly because it happens to some people with progressing Dementia, and who wouldn't? He knows enough to know that he can't keep track of anything, gets lost if he goes anywhere by himself, and worries about what is happening to him.
Finally, his daughters got him placed in the same personal care home where my Mom (his sister) now lives.
He was still very anxious in the care home, and he was doing things like constantly checking the door (that is locked so that people with Dementia don't make a run for it) and talking to himself (which was one of the behaviors that was driving Aunt E nuts. It never stops, him saying "oh my", over and over to himself).
So, what did the care home do? They sent him BACK HOME, because they said "he was doing a lot better on his new medication, so he doesn't belong here".
Aunt E can't get him to take his medication, and from what I understand, he WASN'T doing better. They just don't want to deal with him.
My personal opinion is that his daughters should have talked to the director and told him/her that there was no way he could go home to Aunt E, as she is in no condition to cope with him. They should not have picked him up.
He SHOULD have had a psychiatric evaluation, if his anxiety and behaviors were too hard for the staff to deal with.
From what I've heard, Uncle M was getting aggressive at times, like when he needed to take his medication from Aunt E. She could be hurt if he panics.
So. Now Aunt E has collapsed. Likely from the stress of the situation. She is in the hospital, in a coma, and is likely not going to recover.
Uncle M is now back at the care home, since she is likely dying, thanks to them.
What bothers me about all of this, is her last days were so stressful and scary.
A week ago, she was likely feeling some sense of relief at Uncle M finally being cared for, so she could finally have some peace and quiet. Then they sent him back to her.
I really don't know how a person is supposed to process any of this. I'm angry at the people at the care home, and the doctors that should have referred him to a psychiatrist or a Dementia specialist, and I'm angry at Aunt E's family who should have stood up for her and not brought Uncle M home again.
My Uncle M was having a lot of difficulty with anxiety and Dementia, to the point where my Aunt E could not cope with it any more.
They are in their 80's, and not HORRIBLE for health, but my Aunt E is deaf and has diabetes, and is pretty frail these days. She still walks inside the house okay and cooks, can drive on country roads and such, but maybe shouldn't.
My Uncle M is pretty good for his age in his body, but has worse and worse anxiety, partly because it happens to some people with progressing Dementia, and who wouldn't? He knows enough to know that he can't keep track of anything, gets lost if he goes anywhere by himself, and worries about what is happening to him.
Finally, his daughters got him placed in the same personal care home where my Mom (his sister) now lives.
He was still very anxious in the care home, and he was doing things like constantly checking the door (that is locked so that people with Dementia don't make a run for it) and talking to himself (which was one of the behaviors that was driving Aunt E nuts. It never stops, him saying "oh my", over and over to himself).
So, what did the care home do? They sent him BACK HOME, because they said "he was doing a lot better on his new medication, so he doesn't belong here".
Aunt E can't get him to take his medication, and from what I understand, he WASN'T doing better. They just don't want to deal with him.
My personal opinion is that his daughters should have talked to the director and told him/her that there was no way he could go home to Aunt E, as she is in no condition to cope with him. They should not have picked him up.
He SHOULD have had a psychiatric evaluation, if his anxiety and behaviors were too hard for the staff to deal with.
From what I've heard, Uncle M was getting aggressive at times, like when he needed to take his medication from Aunt E. She could be hurt if he panics.
So. Now Aunt E has collapsed. Likely from the stress of the situation. She is in the hospital, in a coma, and is likely not going to recover.
Uncle M is now back at the care home, since she is likely dying, thanks to them.
What bothers me about all of this, is her last days were so stressful and scary.
A week ago, she was likely feeling some sense of relief at Uncle M finally being cared for, so she could finally have some peace and quiet. Then they sent him back to her.
I really don't know how a person is supposed to process any of this. I'm angry at the people at the care home, and the doctors that should have referred him to a psychiatrist or a Dementia specialist, and I'm angry at Aunt E's family who should have stood up for her and not brought Uncle M home again.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-27 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-28 04:42 am (UTC)The doctor referred him to the care home, so that means he needed to be there. They KNOW that Aunt E was not okay looking after him, though sometimes she would be wishy washy when she talked about it, because she felt guilty about putting him there.
What I don't understand, is the daughters. Three of his four daughters have experience working in health care, you'd think they would be a little firmer in saying "no, he can't go home again".
From what I understand, they were already talking about moving Aunt E to a suite at the lodge and selling the house when Uncle M moved, so that tells you that they were all pretty firm in their decision.
I can't for the life of me understand why they didn't just do a psychiatric evaluation, and decide if he needed stronger meds, or to be in a different facility with more specific professionals working there.
It's not like they've never seen anxiety and agitation in a Dementia patient before.
This just feels so negligent.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-28 08:51 am (UTC)