Saturday, March 1
Mar. 2nd, 2025 12:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Waking up on my own a little earlier than I normally would, which meant I felt less rushed to go the city today.
My Sweetie went to the dump while I was still asleep, but he didn't know that there was a bag of household garbage in a bin under the back stairs, and he didn't think to take any of the built up cat litter on the deck that has been there since the snow got too deep to get to the area we dump it normally.
That meant I more or less woke up realizing that he did this, and it really bothered me because we only end up being able to go to the dump maybe once a month, often once every two months. Missing half of what needed to go is frustrating.
I did my best to not let it ruin my day, but it seems like too often I wake up and something frustrates me within minutes of gaining consciousness.
We did chores and such, and headed to the city.
I decided to take the broken dishes and some odds and ends to this man in the city who said he wanted them. This whole thing has become more frustrating than it needed to be, partly because I feel like he wants more than just a box of old dishes, but some kind of deeper connection.
I didn't want him to bother driving all the way out here just for a box of broken dishes (I posted them for free for anyone who wanted to use them for crafts), even though he said he could. I felt guilty for him doing that.
So everything is about the guilt I feel, which ends up making me angry at the person who makes me feel guilty, even though they might not intend to make me feel like that.
His texts were friendly, and hoping we could have a coffee together or something, which again just makes me feel guilty. I mean, it's not awful to think of having coffee with him, but where does that lead? To us having coffee with him from time to time, but also feeling bad every time we say no? Does it lead to him wanting to come see our place?
It feels like a big expectation from just trying to give him the broken dishes.
So actually getting the dishes to him meant finding a place to meet, and things aren't perfect for getting there the same time, so we waited for about fifteen minutes, and that was fine. I understand that I didn't make a firm meeting time, just let him know we were approaching, etc.
He seemed nice enough. He asked again if we had time for coffee, and I said no, we had quite a few things to do today. We probably could have gone, but again, where would that lead? Hearing this guy's life story, maybe he's sick or something too (he looked a little frail) and doesn't have anyone left? Maybe not. Maybe he's just a super nice guy.
I just didn't feel like risking getting involved in something where I had to take on another emotional burden.
I also was feeling guilty because Trainwreck was calling all day long again too, and I just talked with her on Tuesday. I know that she's calling my sisters S and E and talking with them two or three times every day, and I am NOT letting her think that she's entitled to that from me.
I hate that now I'm even feeling guilty for doing nothing wrong, by trying to set some boundaries. I feel bad for not just giving her all of my time and energy and letting her suck me dry.
I am trying to tell myself that it's okay not to let someone suck you dry.
After that we went to look at shoes for me. While I do have lots of shoes, I feel like there are still "gaps" in what I would like to go with some of my clothes. Winner's never seems to have nice shoes anymore, and there isn't much else for nicer shoes in our local shopping region.
I did find some nice shoes, and a pair of boots (I didn't have any brown boots, only black). The shoes were from one store, and on clearance, and the boots were from a pretty pricey store, also on clearance. I don't know that I could have brought myself to pay the full price. I do still want some updated heels (I feel like some of mine are looking pretty dated now), but that's another time.
I struck up a conversation with a woman in the shoe store, and we chatted a bit, and since we seemed to be of a similar shoe size, she mentioned that she has a bunch of nice boots that she was thinking of selling, since they are pretty much new, but didn't work on her narrow feet very well. We exchanged some information, and maybe I'll think about it. I don't think she's selling them for very cheap, since I think she buys pretty pricey boots, given that we met in that store.
We looked around in a pricey clothing store too, but after buying the shoes I didn't feel like buying anything. There were some nice sweaters on clearance that I MIGHT have been interested in, if I hadn't already spent enough money for one day.
I have to say, some of the clothes in that store were pretty unremarkable for the exorbitant price tags. Yes, they were nicely made, and of good fabric, but I don't see me spending over $500 for a very plain navy skirt. It was interesting to look, and to be honest, some of those clothes would have likely lasted a lifetime and looked very nice the whole time, but it was a lot of money. Some of the clothes were also not "last a lifetime" clothes, and were still very expensive.
Then we went for supper, at one of the places we frequent, and just as we were finishing up, a woman sat down at the table beside us.
She asked us about the menu, since she's visiting, and didn't know where to start. It's a vegan place, and she wanted to know what we liked (pretty much everything we've had at this place is top notch).
We ended up talking with her for quite a while. She's from Vermont visiting a friend, and I asked her if she's a refugee...and she said she is seriously considering coming to Canada to work, because she's a Federal Employee, and fears for her job, and just wants some peace and security.
My husband talked to her about her work experience, and this woman comes across as being very positive and energetic and interested in learning, and has the right kind of education that she might find work in the kind of things my husband does.
So, he encouraged her to contact the human resources department at his company's headquarters which is in the city, since she's going to be in the area for about a week.
She seemed pretty happy with her meal, and I gave her my number if she needed anything while she was here, in case she needs more information from my husband about his company etc.
I hope things work out for her, whether she wants to come to Canada or ends up staying in Vermont. She seems really nice.
So, there's the guilt again. We had time to sit and talk with this woman for quite a while, but I didn't want to talk with a lonely old man.
I found it strange that it seemed like every person we spoke with today was offering to connect in some way beyond our chatting. Like doors opening for opportunity. Isn't that something.
Wouldn't it be something, if these connections really led somewhere?
After that we went to the second hand book store, and that's another place where we are now recognized as regulars, and the owner makes a point of greeting us.
It's funny that I used to feel very unseen and anonymous in that big city, but now there are places that we frequent where we are known. We must make an impression.
We came home and watched a DVD that we bought from the bookstore, called "Bottle Shock", and it's more or less the story of how California wine finally got world recognition for it's excellence. It managed to be interesting, and not dry (see what I did there?).
Waking up on my own a little earlier than I normally would, which meant I felt less rushed to go the city today.
My Sweetie went to the dump while I was still asleep, but he didn't know that there was a bag of household garbage in a bin under the back stairs, and he didn't think to take any of the built up cat litter on the deck that has been there since the snow got too deep to get to the area we dump it normally.
That meant I more or less woke up realizing that he did this, and it really bothered me because we only end up being able to go to the dump maybe once a month, often once every two months. Missing half of what needed to go is frustrating.
I did my best to not let it ruin my day, but it seems like too often I wake up and something frustrates me within minutes of gaining consciousness.
We did chores and such, and headed to the city.
I decided to take the broken dishes and some odds and ends to this man in the city who said he wanted them. This whole thing has become more frustrating than it needed to be, partly because I feel like he wants more than just a box of old dishes, but some kind of deeper connection.
I didn't want him to bother driving all the way out here just for a box of broken dishes (I posted them for free for anyone who wanted to use them for crafts), even though he said he could. I felt guilty for him doing that.
So everything is about the guilt I feel, which ends up making me angry at the person who makes me feel guilty, even though they might not intend to make me feel like that.
His texts were friendly, and hoping we could have a coffee together or something, which again just makes me feel guilty. I mean, it's not awful to think of having coffee with him, but where does that lead? To us having coffee with him from time to time, but also feeling bad every time we say no? Does it lead to him wanting to come see our place?
It feels like a big expectation from just trying to give him the broken dishes.
So actually getting the dishes to him meant finding a place to meet, and things aren't perfect for getting there the same time, so we waited for about fifteen minutes, and that was fine. I understand that I didn't make a firm meeting time, just let him know we were approaching, etc.
He seemed nice enough. He asked again if we had time for coffee, and I said no, we had quite a few things to do today. We probably could have gone, but again, where would that lead? Hearing this guy's life story, maybe he's sick or something too (he looked a little frail) and doesn't have anyone left? Maybe not. Maybe he's just a super nice guy.
I just didn't feel like risking getting involved in something where I had to take on another emotional burden.
I also was feeling guilty because Trainwreck was calling all day long again too, and I just talked with her on Tuesday. I know that she's calling my sisters S and E and talking with them two or three times every day, and I am NOT letting her think that she's entitled to that from me.
I hate that now I'm even feeling guilty for doing nothing wrong, by trying to set some boundaries. I feel bad for not just giving her all of my time and energy and letting her suck me dry.
I am trying to tell myself that it's okay not to let someone suck you dry.
After that we went to look at shoes for me. While I do have lots of shoes, I feel like there are still "gaps" in what I would like to go with some of my clothes. Winner's never seems to have nice shoes anymore, and there isn't much else for nicer shoes in our local shopping region.
I did find some nice shoes, and a pair of boots (I didn't have any brown boots, only black). The shoes were from one store, and on clearance, and the boots were from a pretty pricey store, also on clearance. I don't know that I could have brought myself to pay the full price. I do still want some updated heels (I feel like some of mine are looking pretty dated now), but that's another time.
I struck up a conversation with a woman in the shoe store, and we chatted a bit, and since we seemed to be of a similar shoe size, she mentioned that she has a bunch of nice boots that she was thinking of selling, since they are pretty much new, but didn't work on her narrow feet very well. We exchanged some information, and maybe I'll think about it. I don't think she's selling them for very cheap, since I think she buys pretty pricey boots, given that we met in that store.
We looked around in a pricey clothing store too, but after buying the shoes I didn't feel like buying anything. There were some nice sweaters on clearance that I MIGHT have been interested in, if I hadn't already spent enough money for one day.
I have to say, some of the clothes in that store were pretty unremarkable for the exorbitant price tags. Yes, they were nicely made, and of good fabric, but I don't see me spending over $500 for a very plain navy skirt. It was interesting to look, and to be honest, some of those clothes would have likely lasted a lifetime and looked very nice the whole time, but it was a lot of money. Some of the clothes were also not "last a lifetime" clothes, and were still very expensive.
Then we went for supper, at one of the places we frequent, and just as we were finishing up, a woman sat down at the table beside us.
She asked us about the menu, since she's visiting, and didn't know where to start. It's a vegan place, and she wanted to know what we liked (pretty much everything we've had at this place is top notch).
We ended up talking with her for quite a while. She's from Vermont visiting a friend, and I asked her if she's a refugee...and she said she is seriously considering coming to Canada to work, because she's a Federal Employee, and fears for her job, and just wants some peace and security.
My husband talked to her about her work experience, and this woman comes across as being very positive and energetic and interested in learning, and has the right kind of education that she might find work in the kind of things my husband does.
So, he encouraged her to contact the human resources department at his company's headquarters which is in the city, since she's going to be in the area for about a week.
She seemed pretty happy with her meal, and I gave her my number if she needed anything while she was here, in case she needs more information from my husband about his company etc.
I hope things work out for her, whether she wants to come to Canada or ends up staying in Vermont. She seems really nice.
So, there's the guilt again. We had time to sit and talk with this woman for quite a while, but I didn't want to talk with a lonely old man.
I found it strange that it seemed like every person we spoke with today was offering to connect in some way beyond our chatting. Like doors opening for opportunity. Isn't that something.
Wouldn't it be something, if these connections really led somewhere?
After that we went to the second hand book store, and that's another place where we are now recognized as regulars, and the owner makes a point of greeting us.
It's funny that I used to feel very unseen and anonymous in that big city, but now there are places that we frequent where we are known. We must make an impression.
We came home and watched a DVD that we bought from the bookstore, called "Bottle Shock", and it's more or less the story of how California wine finally got world recognition for it's excellence. It managed to be interesting, and not dry (see what I did there?).
