Monday, March 3
Mar. 3rd, 2025 10:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Getting up at a not too bad time today, after a good sleep.
I'm doing okay with not feeling like I "have to" call Trainwreck. I feel like once a week is good, so maybe I can do that.
I did chores, and then headed into town for pottery class.
I did see my friend D there, and we made plans to meet at her place when I finished up.
I mostly worked on decorating one vase with underglaze. I'm not sure if I like it, but I want to do something interesting. I do a lot of vases, so they can't all be plain.
As I was cleaning up, the woman I spent some time with last week, helping her throw, came in. She had done some more throwing on her own, and is making good progress. I'm glad it helped.
On my way out of the building, the woman who is trying to single-handedly trying to run the whole studio stopped me to sob at me for a while.
This woman (I will refer to her as S) is not a BAD person, but I don't think she is a "well" person. Since our studio re-opened after Covid, and there certainly was a shortage of leadership and such, she has pretty much taken over all direction of the whole pottery studio.
She is our elected treasurer for the craft center, she also is the self-appointed instructor for the beginner's class which has somehow morphed into her controlling ALL of the glaze making, all of the firing of the kiln and kiln maintenance, and ordering all clay and chemicals for glazes. She also seems to be responsible for pretty much every aspect of cleaning and organizing the pottery studio, is pretty much in charge of organizing our pottery sales, fund raising...and anything else you can imagine.
This is why myself and others are trying to spread some of these roles so that OTHER PEOPLE are involved in running the studio and making decisions. It cannot all be one person, with all of the power and all of the knowledge, and all of the skill.
This is not a paid position, but from what I understand S is there day and night every day trying to do everything herself, though she has some minions, they do not work independently.
So today S, already right in the process of crying for days, turned to me and said "What is is that you want from me? What is it that you are trying to do to me?".
I responded that what I wanted was for all these responsibilities to be split up to have several people doing these jobs, to improve communication, and so on.
She says "Well what do you want to know? Ask me anything. Anyone can always ask me." Well, the problem with that, is why does the whole pottery studio, which now consists of one hundred people, have to ALL go to HER for information? Every time we need something, we have to ask S. If it's something like "is this a good glaze combination?" or "what do I do to learn how to make glazes here at the studio" or even "I don't know how to use the clay roller", why does everything have to be "ask S"?
We've asked for a binder with information about the glazes so that we can just look in there for key things like "how many coats of this should I use" and "is this the right clear glaze to use over under glaze" or "does this glaze run".
We've asked for an online group where we can share glaze results and other tips.
Every time we aren't sure of where something is anymore (because S seems to move everything around constantly, you can hardly ever find something in the same place twice this year)...you guessed it, you have to ask S.
Anyhow, we likely stood there for about five or so minutes, with S having a meltdown in front of me, saying she's "losing her mind with all the stress I'm causing her" and "you just want to get rid of me" and "I'm the one who got you into my class (you see, even there, it was "HER CLASS" ) and now you just want to throw all the beginners out of the studio.
She even mentioned that she has a student who is "on life support", and the stress is killing her. I was like...So? What does that have to do with the meetings we've been having, and the changes we'd like to make at the studio? What does that have to do with our conversation?
Nothing, other than she's very manipulative, and of course wanted me to back off of everything or feel sorry for her or something. No. I've known her for about ten years, and she pulls this crying and freaking out stunt EVERY TIME she feels like we're criticizing her in any way, or if she isn't getting her way.
Can you imagine being a sixty year old woman who lives with her Mom and her brother, who doesn't seem to have a life at all other than unpaid work at the craft center, and cries and sobs and uses emotional manipulation to avoid even reasonable negotiations with people?
I tried to tell her that none of that is true. "I" am not after her. There were plenty of other people at the last two meetings that all want more involvement in the process of running the studio and having their opinions be part of shaping things. No one wants to get rid of her, but what we do want is to make sure that S is not the only person with access to things, information, skill to run equipment and make glaze, and that she doesn't have carte blanche power over the whole studio.
No one wants to get rid of all beginner students or NEVER have any EVER AGAIN. MANY people at the studio besides myself are absolutely losing it to know that there are now 100 people using a studio that two years ago had something like 40 members.
Without some kind of cap on new members, really, how many people would she let in (it's S who is also responsible for member registration)? Would she allow the number to go up to 200?
At some point she just was blubbering to me that "maybe I wouldn't have to worry about any of this, she'd just leave", and I was like, "whatever".
I've heard from others in the studio that she's had this exact same exchange with them too recently, blaming each of them for "attacking her" or "hating her", and threatening to leave when NO ONE said anything about having her leave at all.
If she did leave, we could probably figure things out for ourselves, and we'd be fine. It would just take time, and maybe be a bit rough at first. I used to think that if she left, we'd be hooped, but maybe we do have some pretty smart, capable people at the studio who could take over.
So, anyhow. That was...fun. Unhinged. Manipulative.
I did talk with D on the phone about my interaction with S. I was supposed to go to D's house, but Google was sending me in circles and we agreed to try for a visit some other day. We did a lot of talking though, and I was so weirded out by today's events that I had to question myself. Was I the problem? Was I causing more drama that no one needed to have happen?
D assured me that it wasn't just me that has issues with how things are being run, and with S. That I was not "the problem", and that the studio NEEDS to have the responsibilities spread to more people, to have more communication, to look at our policies and procedures and update them, and to have a more democratic approach to how we make decisions.
After that, I got groceries, and I am very grateful for being able to do so, for having the means, the physical ability, and a vehicle.
To come home to my sweet animals, and my husband who is still not feeling too well, but he helped me put everything away.
Getting up at a not too bad time today, after a good sleep.
I'm doing okay with not feeling like I "have to" call Trainwreck. I feel like once a week is good, so maybe I can do that.
I did chores, and then headed into town for pottery class.
I did see my friend D there, and we made plans to meet at her place when I finished up.
I mostly worked on decorating one vase with underglaze. I'm not sure if I like it, but I want to do something interesting. I do a lot of vases, so they can't all be plain.
As I was cleaning up, the woman I spent some time with last week, helping her throw, came in. She had done some more throwing on her own, and is making good progress. I'm glad it helped.
On my way out of the building, the woman who is trying to single-handedly trying to run the whole studio stopped me to sob at me for a while.
This woman (I will refer to her as S) is not a BAD person, but I don't think she is a "well" person. Since our studio re-opened after Covid, and there certainly was a shortage of leadership and such, she has pretty much taken over all direction of the whole pottery studio.
She is our elected treasurer for the craft center, she also is the self-appointed instructor for the beginner's class which has somehow morphed into her controlling ALL of the glaze making, all of the firing of the kiln and kiln maintenance, and ordering all clay and chemicals for glazes. She also seems to be responsible for pretty much every aspect of cleaning and organizing the pottery studio, is pretty much in charge of organizing our pottery sales, fund raising...and anything else you can imagine.
This is why myself and others are trying to spread some of these roles so that OTHER PEOPLE are involved in running the studio and making decisions. It cannot all be one person, with all of the power and all of the knowledge, and all of the skill.
This is not a paid position, but from what I understand S is there day and night every day trying to do everything herself, though she has some minions, they do not work independently.
So today S, already right in the process of crying for days, turned to me and said "What is is that you want from me? What is it that you are trying to do to me?".
I responded that what I wanted was for all these responsibilities to be split up to have several people doing these jobs, to improve communication, and so on.
She says "Well what do you want to know? Ask me anything. Anyone can always ask me." Well, the problem with that, is why does the whole pottery studio, which now consists of one hundred people, have to ALL go to HER for information? Every time we need something, we have to ask S. If it's something like "is this a good glaze combination?" or "what do I do to learn how to make glazes here at the studio" or even "I don't know how to use the clay roller", why does everything have to be "ask S"?
We've asked for a binder with information about the glazes so that we can just look in there for key things like "how many coats of this should I use" and "is this the right clear glaze to use over under glaze" or "does this glaze run".
We've asked for an online group where we can share glaze results and other tips.
Every time we aren't sure of where something is anymore (because S seems to move everything around constantly, you can hardly ever find something in the same place twice this year)...you guessed it, you have to ask S.
Anyhow, we likely stood there for about five or so minutes, with S having a meltdown in front of me, saying she's "losing her mind with all the stress I'm causing her" and "you just want to get rid of me" and "I'm the one who got you into my class (you see, even there, it was "HER CLASS" ) and now you just want to throw all the beginners out of the studio.
She even mentioned that she has a student who is "on life support", and the stress is killing her. I was like...So? What does that have to do with the meetings we've been having, and the changes we'd like to make at the studio? What does that have to do with our conversation?
Nothing, other than she's very manipulative, and of course wanted me to back off of everything or feel sorry for her or something. No. I've known her for about ten years, and she pulls this crying and freaking out stunt EVERY TIME she feels like we're criticizing her in any way, or if she isn't getting her way.
Can you imagine being a sixty year old woman who lives with her Mom and her brother, who doesn't seem to have a life at all other than unpaid work at the craft center, and cries and sobs and uses emotional manipulation to avoid even reasonable negotiations with people?
I tried to tell her that none of that is true. "I" am not after her. There were plenty of other people at the last two meetings that all want more involvement in the process of running the studio and having their opinions be part of shaping things. No one wants to get rid of her, but what we do want is to make sure that S is not the only person with access to things, information, skill to run equipment and make glaze, and that she doesn't have carte blanche power over the whole studio.
No one wants to get rid of all beginner students or NEVER have any EVER AGAIN. MANY people at the studio besides myself are absolutely losing it to know that there are now 100 people using a studio that two years ago had something like 40 members.
Without some kind of cap on new members, really, how many people would she let in (it's S who is also responsible for member registration)? Would she allow the number to go up to 200?
At some point she just was blubbering to me that "maybe I wouldn't have to worry about any of this, she'd just leave", and I was like, "whatever".
I've heard from others in the studio that she's had this exact same exchange with them too recently, blaming each of them for "attacking her" or "hating her", and threatening to leave when NO ONE said anything about having her leave at all.
If she did leave, we could probably figure things out for ourselves, and we'd be fine. It would just take time, and maybe be a bit rough at first. I used to think that if she left, we'd be hooped, but maybe we do have some pretty smart, capable people at the studio who could take over.
So, anyhow. That was...fun. Unhinged. Manipulative.
I did talk with D on the phone about my interaction with S. I was supposed to go to D's house, but Google was sending me in circles and we agreed to try for a visit some other day. We did a lot of talking though, and I was so weirded out by today's events that I had to question myself. Was I the problem? Was I causing more drama that no one needed to have happen?
D assured me that it wasn't just me that has issues with how things are being run, and with S. That I was not "the problem", and that the studio NEEDS to have the responsibilities spread to more people, to have more communication, to look at our policies and procedures and update them, and to have a more democratic approach to how we make decisions.
After that, I got groceries, and I am very grateful for being able to do so, for having the means, the physical ability, and a vehicle.
To come home to my sweet animals, and my husband who is still not feeling too well, but he helped me put everything away.
