Friday, March, 28
Mar. 29th, 2025 12:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Good sleep.
A nice, cozy home for when it's snowing outside, with all the cats and Roxy to snuggle with.
I did talk with Trainwreck, and it was more frank than usual. One of her sons has stopped talking with her, because she refuses to go to an addictions center for a month to dry out. I don't blame him.
I talked with her about what her issue might be to going, and pretty much its "I would have to stop drinking". Yeah, well, that's the point.
She's "afraid" of going, and when I asked her what she thought there might be to be afraid of, it was just kind of...not wanting to go to a treatment center.
Very circular.
She said things like "I don't drink that much"..."no, I actually drink a lot". "It isn't hurting anyone but myself" "I know that's not true" and "I can't imagine living for twenty more years" and "if I just sleep all the time I don't drink as much".
"You know that by definition, Trainwreck, an addiction is a negative behavior that you can't control on your own, right?" "Yes, but I can deal with it without help". "How about if you had Leprosy, would you get help for that? Do you think that you could fix that on your own?" "Of course not, but this is different, I'll just taper off instead of going to a center." "Does tapering off work?" "Probably not".
She doesn't seem to think that any of those statements show that she needs help.
Addiction is bullshit, y'all.
So, then I just threw all of that into my mental oubliette and flushed the toilet on it, because I already know none of it matters to her. She'll likely leave that apartment on a gurney.
So, I went outside to do chores in all the new, fluffy snow. Wonder and the crew outside seem fine. It's not that cold.
Then I went to see River. He was a bit on edge, likely from the snow storm, and it's a little cooler than it has been. R says his blanket was soaked this morning and she changed it, so maybe he got a bit chilled earlier.
The arena had a heavy load of snow on it, and was almost.. creaking? Sheesh. River was worried about that, but settled down once we got working. Yes, the roof held.
He had good energy today, and his breathing was good. I focused on having positive energy, and on being more "forward" myself. We did lots of good ground work at the trot, some cantering, and did our neutral circles, getting forward on a lunge line, etc.
Then I did ride, and worked on the new patterns. He did well with those. Not easy, they're tight circles in a small arena.
Then I stayed to work with Halle (mare) during the young woman with health challenge's lesson. R decided not to do riding with this woman today, since the snow might shift on the roof (the sound spooks the horses) so she assembled an obstacle course, and we worked on that in hand.
When we were cleaning up in the barn after, R let me know that they used River in a therapy session with a boy with autism. Apparently they hadn't PLANNED to use River, but when they went out to the corral to get one of their horses, the boy insisted on working with River because he looked like a horse from a video game he likes.
While I did talk about using River in therapy if they wanted, I did kind of expect some kind of discussion first. I get that this was a bit unexpected, but not sure how I feel about it. I'm glad it worked out for them, but maybe we could talk about it a bit?
On some level, I get that they take care of River and he's lived there among their own horses for about five years now, and maybe some lines feel blurred? They handle him every day almost, bringing him in and giving him mash on the days I don't come, changing his blankets and so on. I do trust them to handle him safely.
Anyhow, I DID say that if they wanted, I thought he would be a good horse in their therapy program. I just expected to hear about a potential person first.
Then I came home.
I'm glad that the roads weren't TOO bad today. The plows had been out, and while there definitely was snow and churned up slush on the roads, it wasn't too deep or icy. If you drove carefully, slowed down for turns, gave yourself lots of time for corners etc. it was okay.
I did dishes and got supper going, my Sweetie got home, and we watched an episode of "Fringe" together.
Good sleep.
A nice, cozy home for when it's snowing outside, with all the cats and Roxy to snuggle with.
I did talk with Trainwreck, and it was more frank than usual. One of her sons has stopped talking with her, because she refuses to go to an addictions center for a month to dry out. I don't blame him.
I talked with her about what her issue might be to going, and pretty much its "I would have to stop drinking". Yeah, well, that's the point.
She's "afraid" of going, and when I asked her what she thought there might be to be afraid of, it was just kind of...not wanting to go to a treatment center.
Very circular.
She said things like "I don't drink that much"..."no, I actually drink a lot". "It isn't hurting anyone but myself" "I know that's not true" and "I can't imagine living for twenty more years" and "if I just sleep all the time I don't drink as much".
"You know that by definition, Trainwreck, an addiction is a negative behavior that you can't control on your own, right?" "Yes, but I can deal with it without help". "How about if you had Leprosy, would you get help for that? Do you think that you could fix that on your own?" "Of course not, but this is different, I'll just taper off instead of going to a center." "Does tapering off work?" "Probably not".
She doesn't seem to think that any of those statements show that she needs help.
Addiction is bullshit, y'all.
So, then I just threw all of that into my mental oubliette and flushed the toilet on it, because I already know none of it matters to her. She'll likely leave that apartment on a gurney.
So, I went outside to do chores in all the new, fluffy snow. Wonder and the crew outside seem fine. It's not that cold.
Then I went to see River. He was a bit on edge, likely from the snow storm, and it's a little cooler than it has been. R says his blanket was soaked this morning and she changed it, so maybe he got a bit chilled earlier.
The arena had a heavy load of snow on it, and was almost.. creaking? Sheesh. River was worried about that, but settled down once we got working. Yes, the roof held.
He had good energy today, and his breathing was good. I focused on having positive energy, and on being more "forward" myself. We did lots of good ground work at the trot, some cantering, and did our neutral circles, getting forward on a lunge line, etc.
Then I did ride, and worked on the new patterns. He did well with those. Not easy, they're tight circles in a small arena.
Then I stayed to work with Halle (mare) during the young woman with health challenge's lesson. R decided not to do riding with this woman today, since the snow might shift on the roof (the sound spooks the horses) so she assembled an obstacle course, and we worked on that in hand.
When we were cleaning up in the barn after, R let me know that they used River in a therapy session with a boy with autism. Apparently they hadn't PLANNED to use River, but when they went out to the corral to get one of their horses, the boy insisted on working with River because he looked like a horse from a video game he likes.
While I did talk about using River in therapy if they wanted, I did kind of expect some kind of discussion first. I get that this was a bit unexpected, but not sure how I feel about it. I'm glad it worked out for them, but maybe we could talk about it a bit?
On some level, I get that they take care of River and he's lived there among their own horses for about five years now, and maybe some lines feel blurred? They handle him every day almost, bringing him in and giving him mash on the days I don't come, changing his blankets and so on. I do trust them to handle him safely.
Anyhow, I DID say that if they wanted, I thought he would be a good horse in their therapy program. I just expected to hear about a potential person first.
Then I came home.
I'm glad that the roads weren't TOO bad today. The plows had been out, and while there definitely was snow and churned up slush on the roads, it wasn't too deep or icy. If you drove carefully, slowed down for turns, gave yourself lots of time for corners etc. it was okay.
I did dishes and got supper going, my Sweetie got home, and we watched an episode of "Fringe" together.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 07:08 am (UTC)I don't allow snide behaviour any more either. It is all doinkery and if possible, I step away from it. If possible.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-30 01:55 am (UTC)She just doesn't want to have to do ANYTHING to get better, and maybe she doesn't really want to get better any more.
Her life DOES suck, and I don't think she wants to do the work to improve it.
The real issues, I suppose, is that it's hard for me to stop hoping that she'll try.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-30 02:55 am (UTC)If I come across any more "freedom fighters" who brag about so-called health and so-called science causing more illness than preventing it through the use of "forced" vaccines, I'll explode.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-30 09:16 am (UTC)She doesn't fall into the "freedum" category. She doesn't fear science for the same reasons they do.
She fears life, being held accountable, having to actually deal with her choices, her thoughts, her actions, of the past and present. Being sober and having all that time being awake and aware of your thoughts and feelings is terrifying. Finding something to DO with all that time isn't a welcome task.
Our conversations are not always bad. When she's sober we've had decent conversations if we stay away from certain topics.
I try to only talk to her on days where I don't need to be focused. If I'm feeling like I've had enough for a while, I don't talk to her for a week.
I try not to feel responsible for her outcome.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 08:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-30 01:59 am (UTC)I DID talk with K (R's husband) about using him for therapy if they needed him. That was a few weeks ago, and I'd kind of forgotten about it because it was never mentioned again.
I guess I thought the process would go more like this "hey, we have a new client that I think would love to work with River, how does that sound?".
I have no problem with them using him, there's just something weird about not hearing about it until afterwards.
Like, you don't have a PROBLEM with your neighbor borrowing your shovel, and you did say they could a while back, but it's still weird to go outside and see them just using it.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-01 04:53 am (UTC)