Thursday, April 24
Apr. 25th, 2025 01:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Getting up with lots of time before the virtual meeting, so that I didn't feel flustered.
I am glad that I seem to have a reasonable grasp of how to do this now, though it seems hard for people to speak without interrupting or talking over each other. I resorted to holding up my hand, like I was in grade school. Twice. People were so focused on what they wanted to say, not so much on listening.
We did have a good meeting, our Facebook page is now up and running, and as the creators/administrators, we are trying to set the tone by posting a few items.
After that, I spoke with Sister E to see how her husband is doing. He is in the hospital but feeling much better after getting some strong antibiotics for his infection.
Then we got talking about this and that, and it led to my niece who makes a lot of horrible choices, her mom who also made horrible choices, and you know, I just have so much resentment towards my family.
So many of them just made such bad choices, and never seemed to recognize that at some point maybe they needed to get some help.
It makes me feel strange sometimes, to think of how messed up some of my family is. I'm not even sure why they're as messed up as they are. Yes, we had a bit of a rough childhood, but not like some people where they were beaten or anything.
I don't really know what it is, that leads people to make the SAME mistakes over and over again, and then pass that trauma to their kids so they can keep making them.
In talking to my husband about this when he got home, he said "mostly they were just hurting themselves", and I know I've said that about Trainwreck....until you realize that no, she hurt a lot of other people. Her kids were hurt the most.
As for myself, I would think that the harm might not have been intentional, but I still had to be around them, to absorb their habits and mindsets and patterns. I still had to deal with all the dysfunction around me, the lack of guidance and support that a person needs to navigate the world. You'd think that having six sisters would mean a great opportunity to have helpful advice, support when I needed to navigate puberty and adulthood, but no. They TALKED to me, all about their own problems, and lectured me endlessly about how things SHOULD be while never living that example. I guess I was able to see that.
Anyhow, my anger at my family is mostly that they just never seem to figure out how to live better. They don't get help. They don't do it for their kids. They just keep on wrecking themselves and making sure the next generation is a mess too.
With my Sweetie home, we did a few useful chores. We cleaned out the big water tub for the ponies/goats and filled it with fresh water after scrubbing out the algae.
We cleaned out the purple martin house and left the inner chambers out in the sun for a few days.
We walked around and cleaned out all the bird houses.
Then we took down the Christmas lights. We haven't had them on for a while, but I do enjoy them in the dark days of winter well after Christmas.
Then my Sweetie went in to make supper and I worked with Wonder and Dandy. Today I worked on yields a bit, and staying at the shoulder around the pylons. They did pretty well, though Dandy gets worked up very quickly when he doesn't immediately know the answer to the question.
Then I came in, and we ate and watched an episode of "Fringe".
Getting up with lots of time before the virtual meeting, so that I didn't feel flustered.
I am glad that I seem to have a reasonable grasp of how to do this now, though it seems hard for people to speak without interrupting or talking over each other. I resorted to holding up my hand, like I was in grade school. Twice. People were so focused on what they wanted to say, not so much on listening.
We did have a good meeting, our Facebook page is now up and running, and as the creators/administrators, we are trying to set the tone by posting a few items.
After that, I spoke with Sister E to see how her husband is doing. He is in the hospital but feeling much better after getting some strong antibiotics for his infection.
Then we got talking about this and that, and it led to my niece who makes a lot of horrible choices, her mom who also made horrible choices, and you know, I just have so much resentment towards my family.
So many of them just made such bad choices, and never seemed to recognize that at some point maybe they needed to get some help.
It makes me feel strange sometimes, to think of how messed up some of my family is. I'm not even sure why they're as messed up as they are. Yes, we had a bit of a rough childhood, but not like some people where they were beaten or anything.
I don't really know what it is, that leads people to make the SAME mistakes over and over again, and then pass that trauma to their kids so they can keep making them.
In talking to my husband about this when he got home, he said "mostly they were just hurting themselves", and I know I've said that about Trainwreck....until you realize that no, she hurt a lot of other people. Her kids were hurt the most.
As for myself, I would think that the harm might not have been intentional, but I still had to be around them, to absorb their habits and mindsets and patterns. I still had to deal with all the dysfunction around me, the lack of guidance and support that a person needs to navigate the world. You'd think that having six sisters would mean a great opportunity to have helpful advice, support when I needed to navigate puberty and adulthood, but no. They TALKED to me, all about their own problems, and lectured me endlessly about how things SHOULD be while never living that example. I guess I was able to see that.
Anyhow, my anger at my family is mostly that they just never seem to figure out how to live better. They don't get help. They don't do it for their kids. They just keep on wrecking themselves and making sure the next generation is a mess too.
With my Sweetie home, we did a few useful chores. We cleaned out the big water tub for the ponies/goats and filled it with fresh water after scrubbing out the algae.
We cleaned out the purple martin house and left the inner chambers out in the sun for a few days.
We walked around and cleaned out all the bird houses.
Then we took down the Christmas lights. We haven't had them on for a while, but I do enjoy them in the dark days of winter well after Christmas.
Then my Sweetie went in to make supper and I worked with Wonder and Dandy. Today I worked on yields a bit, and staying at the shoulder around the pylons. They did pretty well, though Dandy gets worked up very quickly when he doesn't immediately know the answer to the question.
Then I came in, and we ate and watched an episode of "Fringe".
