Saturday, August 2
Aug. 4th, 2025 01:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Getting good sleep.
My Sweetie did get up earlier than I, and did more work with the bobcat (borrowed from our house-work friend) to move dirt from that pile that's been there for about six years, to places in our yard that are low.
We had talked about going kayaking somewhere today, maybe try a new lake?
So, we did a bit of research on the computer first, and two potential lakes were ruled out quickly because of blue-green algae warnings.
There was another lake not far away that we hadn't tried, so we went there.
After driving around, finding the boat launch area but seeing that it was closed (nothing mentioned of this on the internet), we asked some locals if there was another access. They pointed, and all we saw was grass. Apparently the lake is pretty much gone this year, maybe several years ago. Nothing updated online I guess.
This is pretty sad. There's another shallow lake I drive past to go see River, and though it has always been very shallow, nearly a marsh, it was still deep enough to kayak on only a few years ago. It has completely vanished, and there's nothing left but white sediment.
Several of the lakes around here, including the one we go on often, are VERY LOW compared to only three or four years ago. It doesn't SEEM like a drought here because we have had enough rain to keep things looking green, but there hasn't been the kind of heavy rainfall or the heavy snows that would normally recharge the water table and these lakes that ONLY get water from precipitation, not from a spring or a river.
So, the same locals mentioned a different lake not far away that they knew had water.
It was so weird. We drove around and around looking for a public beach, but the town didn't have one. There was a resort where you could pay to have access, and the entire rest of the shoreline of the lake was cottages, private property. Each cottage allotment extended down to the water, and there was no public access.
I didn't even think that was legal in Canada, as access to water ways and lakes has always been allowed to the public.
I wonder how this even happened?
That even meant that other residents of that town who didn't have lake front property couldn't have access to a public beach area or boat launch. They would have to pay to use the access at the resort.
So, after driving around fruitlessly for about two hours, we went back to our usual lake that was at least in existence for the present.
It was nice to finally put our kayaks in the water after all that, but also sad and sobering because of how low the water is this year.
We have enjoyed our little lake so much over the years, and it would seem that the possibility does exist that it might dry up entirely, or at least to a point where we couldn't kayak in it.
It's insane.
Well, there you go.
We came home and watched "Holmes and Watson", a Will Farrell and John C. Riley movie, and while it got terrible ratings and flopped at the box office, we actually enjoyed it.
It was stupid as you'd expect, but there was some unexpected political criticism laced in there, and I wonder if certain you-know-who folks were offended. I was tickled.
It truly was ridiculous though, which is fine if you know what you're getting.
After that, I did experience a wave of frustration/house anxiety. Fairly epic. There are times when I am overwhelmed by everything we are trying to do, the lack of time for my husband to actually move ahead, and I get just crippled by the weight of this ongoing death march of always working on the house. Always thinking about what to work on next. Always dealing with a house that is always in a state of work, but never finished, and this being how I've lived for twenty years now, in one house or another.
It's like a form of PTSD, and I get what is more or less a panic attack about it, and it's a combination of frustration about the house, frustration over how this has become my whole life, and how much of it has been eaten up by doing construction and renovations that I never wanted to do, and just a kind of rage at my husband (though I KNOW HE'S DOING SO MUCH).
It's awful, there's nothing to make it better, because our situation feels immovable, other that to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I don't want to leave, I don't want to sell our place, I just want it finished so I can do other things with my life.
I swear to you, I am a person who loves life, but I keep looking ahead, and all I see is endless work on the house. Endless disarray, stuff in boxes because I can't bring it out, tools and materials lying around, always a part of the yard torn up and ugly.
I fantasize about a simple, open concept beach house with almost nothing in it but some huge floor pillows and some books, and outside is nothing but clean sand and some shrubs (that I don't have to tend) as far as the eye can see. There's a cool wind blowing from one wall of open windows to the other, and me in a white linen dress and bare feet with nothing to do but walk down to the water to watch the sun set.
Getting good sleep.
My Sweetie did get up earlier than I, and did more work with the bobcat (borrowed from our house-work friend) to move dirt from that pile that's been there for about six years, to places in our yard that are low.
We had talked about going kayaking somewhere today, maybe try a new lake?
So, we did a bit of research on the computer first, and two potential lakes were ruled out quickly because of blue-green algae warnings.
There was another lake not far away that we hadn't tried, so we went there.
After driving around, finding the boat launch area but seeing that it was closed (nothing mentioned of this on the internet), we asked some locals if there was another access. They pointed, and all we saw was grass. Apparently the lake is pretty much gone this year, maybe several years ago. Nothing updated online I guess.
This is pretty sad. There's another shallow lake I drive past to go see River, and though it has always been very shallow, nearly a marsh, it was still deep enough to kayak on only a few years ago. It has completely vanished, and there's nothing left but white sediment.
Several of the lakes around here, including the one we go on often, are VERY LOW compared to only three or four years ago. It doesn't SEEM like a drought here because we have had enough rain to keep things looking green, but there hasn't been the kind of heavy rainfall or the heavy snows that would normally recharge the water table and these lakes that ONLY get water from precipitation, not from a spring or a river.
So, the same locals mentioned a different lake not far away that they knew had water.
It was so weird. We drove around and around looking for a public beach, but the town didn't have one. There was a resort where you could pay to have access, and the entire rest of the shoreline of the lake was cottages, private property. Each cottage allotment extended down to the water, and there was no public access.
I didn't even think that was legal in Canada, as access to water ways and lakes has always been allowed to the public.
I wonder how this even happened?
That even meant that other residents of that town who didn't have lake front property couldn't have access to a public beach area or boat launch. They would have to pay to use the access at the resort.
So, after driving around fruitlessly for about two hours, we went back to our usual lake that was at least in existence for the present.
It was nice to finally put our kayaks in the water after all that, but also sad and sobering because of how low the water is this year.
We have enjoyed our little lake so much over the years, and it would seem that the possibility does exist that it might dry up entirely, or at least to a point where we couldn't kayak in it.
It's insane.
Well, there you go.
We came home and watched "Holmes and Watson", a Will Farrell and John C. Riley movie, and while it got terrible ratings and flopped at the box office, we actually enjoyed it.
It was stupid as you'd expect, but there was some unexpected political criticism laced in there, and I wonder if certain you-know-who folks were offended. I was tickled.
It truly was ridiculous though, which is fine if you know what you're getting.
After that, I did experience a wave of frustration/house anxiety. Fairly epic. There are times when I am overwhelmed by everything we are trying to do, the lack of time for my husband to actually move ahead, and I get just crippled by the weight of this ongoing death march of always working on the house. Always thinking about what to work on next. Always dealing with a house that is always in a state of work, but never finished, and this being how I've lived for twenty years now, in one house or another.
It's like a form of PTSD, and I get what is more or less a panic attack about it, and it's a combination of frustration about the house, frustration over how this has become my whole life, and how much of it has been eaten up by doing construction and renovations that I never wanted to do, and just a kind of rage at my husband (though I KNOW HE'S DOING SO MUCH).
It's awful, there's nothing to make it better, because our situation feels immovable, other that to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I don't want to leave, I don't want to sell our place, I just want it finished so I can do other things with my life.
I swear to you, I am a person who loves life, but I keep looking ahead, and all I see is endless work on the house. Endless disarray, stuff in boxes because I can't bring it out, tools and materials lying around, always a part of the yard torn up and ugly.
I fantasize about a simple, open concept beach house with almost nothing in it but some huge floor pillows and some books, and outside is nothing but clean sand and some shrubs (that I don't have to tend) as far as the eye can see. There's a cool wind blowing from one wall of open windows to the other, and me in a white linen dress and bare feet with nothing to do but walk down to the water to watch the sun set.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-05 06:51 am (UTC)Spouse may enjoy the slow pace of his hometime, but at that pace it can't be finished in time to enjoy the house - and after a house is more or less finished, there's maintenance and updating and so on. It must occur to him that to live well, decently, he will have to step up that pace for the peace of mind of both of you.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-05 08:18 pm (UTC)There are times when he goes long stretches without much actual progress, and that's when it feels like we're standing still.
I'm getting to where I think the only real way to move ahead is to start hiring people.
As you've said, a house needs to be maintained as well as moved ahead. We have normal household work to do every day; mowing, pulling weeds, garden, animal stuff, fixing horse fencing, getting hay, taking things to the dump, cutting down old trees.
There's enough work just with maintenance and ordinary chores to keep us busy, and it's very hard to move past "today we have to go get hay" so that we can "finish the window frames in the basement".
AS I've said, I feel like he's been working hard this last while, since he got back from the wedding especially, but it's hard to maintain that pace.
I really do feel like the house has become a kind of obsession/compulsion for me. Like if I'm not always talking to my husband about what we are doing today, he won't do anything at all, and there are certainly times that confirm that feeling.
There are long stretches of time, often in the winter, where he just doesn't work on the house at all, because there's something about winter that makes you think you can slow down. Maybe it's the short days, I know it feels very different to come home from work and it's dark already. Your body says it's time to go to bed.
I absolutely understand that there will always be work and maintenance to do, but there's such a difference between needing to repaint a room or replace a leaky faucet and something like a hole in the wall in the basement covered with a piece of insulated plywood because your husband wants to keep using it as a material hatch instead of putting a window into it.
I understand needing to paint a deck vs. there's a whole bedroom that feels abandoned because no one has time to finish it, or siding that is 99% finished but the top row is just never quite getting there, and the materials for it are lying in front of the house and can't be put away because it isn't finished yet. For half the summer, it's just going to lie there in front of the house.
There's "needs re-doing from normal time and weathering" and "never got done, might not get done for another couple of years".
I hate the mental space it is taking up, and I hate how it ties us down. I would love to use all that mental space and free time to go do something else, or do things just for aesthetics, like put in more perennials.
It bothers me that most of the time, my comments here are nothing but talking about the house.
I rather like the ones where I talk about kayaking or going to the art gallery, or spending time with the animals.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-06 07:26 am (UTC)If you have the freedom to hire out projects that will speed up necessary work on the house to finish it before the cold weather, I think it's a great plan.
I've been keen to make and keep "a good home" for as long as I can remember. That it was not possible to keep the childhood house was mildly deflating, but in youth, there is always adventure waiting. Nowadays, I don't like the sense of any house, especially this old one, slipping into disrepair or cheap fix because one can't be arsed to make it nice.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-06 08:35 pm (UTC)I do feel that it is the darkness. You want to "den up", not work.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 04:05 am (UTC)I'm not looking forward to sanding and painting the front porch ceiling, but I'm also tired of looking at it when it's in such bad shape.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 07:26 pm (UTC)I'm getting there, though. I completely fixed the big gouge left by the denizen when he put in a new-fangled outlet a few months ago. (Not mentioning it to pick on him, but to triumph over inertia a bit.)
no subject
Date: 2025-08-07 08:59 pm (UTC)Good for you, erasing some of those steps backwards.