Just venting a bit.
Oct. 14th, 2025 03:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderI'm not angry, just...feeling.
I talked with my Sister S today, the one who is having trouble walking after her back surgery.
She sounded like my Mom did for years before she died. Disinterested, half asleep, and nothing to say. Just kind of going along with what you're talking about, nothing to add for herself, not even really engaging.
When I called her, it was 3:30 pm her time, and she was "napping". I know what this "napping" is, as it's something I have done when my husband was away a lot, and I just ran out of fucks to give.
You just lie there, killing time, waiting for someone to come home.
Thing is, her situation isn't temporary. Her husband will continue to go to work, and she continues to not find something to do with herself.
I know she might end up in a wheelchair, but you know what? People in wheelchairs still do things.
They have hobbies, they have friends, they go outside sometimes, they might go to a community center.
She probably feels like my Mom did, when Mom had trouble walking. She'd rather die than be seen using a walker or a wheel chair. She just parked herself in her chair in her house, and sat there for about 20 years until she died.
Roughly 20 years of sitting in her chair, listening to music, taking phone calls, and occasionally struggling to her feet to get to the bathroom.
I fight with myself over whether it is fair to judge my sister, or whether this is something I just have to accept.
Is it fair to ask my sister to try harder? To find SOMETHING that engages her so she doesn't just turn into a vegetable?
I feel so weird, that my sister isn't even 70 yet, which seems young to just give up on life, but am I being a jerk for suggesting that she try?
It's false positivity to say that "things aren't so bad" or "you can always find something to do". I know her life sucks.
I know how it feels just to be alone too much, and how hard it is to force yourself to do anything after a while.
But what is the alternative? You either keep trying, or just give up, and sit in that awful grey death that isn't death yet.
I talked with my Sister S today, the one who is having trouble walking after her back surgery.
She sounded like my Mom did for years before she died. Disinterested, half asleep, and nothing to say. Just kind of going along with what you're talking about, nothing to add for herself, not even really engaging.
When I called her, it was 3:30 pm her time, and she was "napping". I know what this "napping" is, as it's something I have done when my husband was away a lot, and I just ran out of fucks to give.
You just lie there, killing time, waiting for someone to come home.
Thing is, her situation isn't temporary. Her husband will continue to go to work, and she continues to not find something to do with herself.
I know she might end up in a wheelchair, but you know what? People in wheelchairs still do things.
They have hobbies, they have friends, they go outside sometimes, they might go to a community center.
She probably feels like my Mom did, when Mom had trouble walking. She'd rather die than be seen using a walker or a wheel chair. She just parked herself in her chair in her house, and sat there for about 20 years until she died.
Roughly 20 years of sitting in her chair, listening to music, taking phone calls, and occasionally struggling to her feet to get to the bathroom.
I fight with myself over whether it is fair to judge my sister, or whether this is something I just have to accept.
Is it fair to ask my sister to try harder? To find SOMETHING that engages her so she doesn't just turn into a vegetable?
I feel so weird, that my sister isn't even 70 yet, which seems young to just give up on life, but am I being a jerk for suggesting that she try?
It's false positivity to say that "things aren't so bad" or "you can always find something to do". I know her life sucks.
I know how it feels just to be alone too much, and how hard it is to force yourself to do anything after a while.
But what is the alternative? You either keep trying, or just give up, and sit in that awful grey death that isn't death yet.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-15 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-10-15 08:42 pm (UTC)I'm not sure why she isn't seeking out help in the form of home care workers or being more firm with a physiotherapist about getting more help to walk, I'm thinking that if she WANTED TO, there would be something out there for assistance.
She genuinely has real issues, and that's the thing. I don't know if there is anything that would help, or if I'm just being harsh by thinking she's not doing enough.
I know there comes a time when you need to accept people's situation for what it is, and I don't know if it's that time, or if she's just giving up.