Tuesday, October 14
Oct. 15th, 2025 12:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Good sleep.
That it was nice and sunny today, and cool but normal for this time of year.
I did speak with Sister S, as I mentioned in my venting post. I'm having a hard time processing her situation, and as always, I wonder if she could be doing something to improve things, or if I'm just expecting too much from someone in pain.
After all, people do have real issues, and they can't always be fixed.
Yet, as far as her SITUATION is concerned, I don't feel that she has to sit at home all day with nothing to do. There must be places she could go during the day for entertainment or to find a group to join.
A lot of her actions or lack thereof remind me of how Mom got as she aged. Mom just didn't go out anymore, because she didn't want people to see her as getting old, or having issues. She wouldn't go anywhere with a walker, and she couldn't walk on her own very far, so she literally just stopped going out.
She hated being "a burden", or making anyone go to any trouble to help her, so she didn't get knee surgery when she really needed it because it would mean someone had to drive her to extra appointments and help her recover, so instead she just didn't walk for the last 20 years of her life, and suffered a lot of pain from the swelling in her knee.
My Sister S is now kind of doing the same thing. She did get the surgery, but it didn't help much. Now that she barely walks, a lot of things are hard for her. She now is nearly a shut in, and it sounds like she only goes anywhere if her husband is home and can take her.
I feel like there might be ways for her to get out, like using a handi-van to get to a community center, but I'm sure my sister would rather not ever have people see her using a handi-van, and she would probably have no use for socializing at a senior's center, even though she IS almost seventy.
I often have this thing where I feel responsible for other people, far past where I know my true responsibility lies. She is capable of finding entertainment if she wants it, could join a group if she felt like it, could use a handi-van to get around if she wanted, and so on. She is capable.
I just hate seeing someone rot in their house like Mom did. No one needs to hide from the world like that.
Mom was lucky, in that having a lot of family, we brought the world to her. My Sister S doesn't have nine kids. She has one that she sees less than once a month.
Anyhow, I talked to Sister E and Trainwreck about it, and we all have noticed recent changes to Sister S's mood, but no one knows what they could do to help.
Sigh.
Also, the woman I gave tea to yesterday now wants to be friends on Facebook, and now that's bothering me.
This woman did seem very needy and lonely, but I don't really need to become responsible for HER happiness too.
I did say "let me know if you need anything else", and now that feels like a gypsy curse. I meant "hey, if you find out you need sheets or a zucchini, let me know", not "I will take care of your emotional needs now that you are in recovery (just a guess)".
Sigh.
Once again, I am DEEPLY grateful for our animals. I generally feel much better after spending time with them.
I did let everyone out for a while, and started winter prep with the water in the pony/goat pen. I found the submersible heater for their water tub, put the tub into it's insulated box for winter, and all I need now is the extension cord for the heater.
I went to see River, and enjoyed working with him today. My Sweetie showed up at the barn after work, which was also very nice.
I worked again on fluidity with River, and it is improving.
Afterwards, my Sweetie and I went upstairs in the barn to spend some quality time with the kittens.
They were very playful today, and used my husband's seated legs as a playground for chasing each other and tumbling around upon. It was wonderful.
I think just about everyone who has been coming to the barn for lessons or normal ride times and even the dog grooming clients has been spending time with the kittens, so they are getting well socialized!
Sweet Earl the Ancient Mariner looks a bit better these days, and I have permission to feed him whenever I'm there, as his medication has made him ravenous.
We came home, and I folded clothes while my Sweetie made supper. We ate and chatted for a while before he headed to bed.
I think about my Sister, and Mom, and so on, and it makes me worry about getting older. I understand that there is pain, and that makes a lot of things impossible, and maybe your mood shifts so you just don't care anymore.
I really just want to keep living life as much as I can, and not miss out on opportunities for enjoyment even if things aren't always what I would like them to be. I really don't want to spend the last 20 years of my life just sitting alone in pain.
In talking to my husband today, he talked about being stiff again, which he seems to be every morning when he gets up, and sore from sitting at work so much.
So I said "how about we try DOING SOMETHING about it?". I've suggested going to a physiotherapist, since it helped me so much. He was like "nah, I don't need that". Really? All you do is complain about being sore in the morning, and he has to soak in the tub all the time and says that even that doesn't help. Does that sound like he doesn't need a physiotherapist?
He says too, that our mattress bothers him. It's old, so I say "great, we can try replacing it", to which he replies "well, I don't really have the time to go find a mattress". Really.
So I am now being pushy about it. We're going to go get a mattress, and he's going to see a physiotherapist. In all likelihood, we CAN do something to improve his stiff back, so WHY NOT DO IT?
AAARRGHHHH! People and their weird "oh I'm in so much pain" but "I don't want to do anything about it" crap. I'm tired of it.
Good sleep.
That it was nice and sunny today, and cool but normal for this time of year.
I did speak with Sister S, as I mentioned in my venting post. I'm having a hard time processing her situation, and as always, I wonder if she could be doing something to improve things, or if I'm just expecting too much from someone in pain.
After all, people do have real issues, and they can't always be fixed.
Yet, as far as her SITUATION is concerned, I don't feel that she has to sit at home all day with nothing to do. There must be places she could go during the day for entertainment or to find a group to join.
A lot of her actions or lack thereof remind me of how Mom got as she aged. Mom just didn't go out anymore, because she didn't want people to see her as getting old, or having issues. She wouldn't go anywhere with a walker, and she couldn't walk on her own very far, so she literally just stopped going out.
She hated being "a burden", or making anyone go to any trouble to help her, so she didn't get knee surgery when she really needed it because it would mean someone had to drive her to extra appointments and help her recover, so instead she just didn't walk for the last 20 years of her life, and suffered a lot of pain from the swelling in her knee.
My Sister S is now kind of doing the same thing. She did get the surgery, but it didn't help much. Now that she barely walks, a lot of things are hard for her. She now is nearly a shut in, and it sounds like she only goes anywhere if her husband is home and can take her.
I feel like there might be ways for her to get out, like using a handi-van to get to a community center, but I'm sure my sister would rather not ever have people see her using a handi-van, and she would probably have no use for socializing at a senior's center, even though she IS almost seventy.
I often have this thing where I feel responsible for other people, far past where I know my true responsibility lies. She is capable of finding entertainment if she wants it, could join a group if she felt like it, could use a handi-van to get around if she wanted, and so on. She is capable.
I just hate seeing someone rot in their house like Mom did. No one needs to hide from the world like that.
Mom was lucky, in that having a lot of family, we brought the world to her. My Sister S doesn't have nine kids. She has one that she sees less than once a month.
Anyhow, I talked to Sister E and Trainwreck about it, and we all have noticed recent changes to Sister S's mood, but no one knows what they could do to help.
Sigh.
Also, the woman I gave tea to yesterday now wants to be friends on Facebook, and now that's bothering me.
This woman did seem very needy and lonely, but I don't really need to become responsible for HER happiness too.
I did say "let me know if you need anything else", and now that feels like a gypsy curse. I meant "hey, if you find out you need sheets or a zucchini, let me know", not "I will take care of your emotional needs now that you are in recovery (just a guess)".
Sigh.
Once again, I am DEEPLY grateful for our animals. I generally feel much better after spending time with them.
I did let everyone out for a while, and started winter prep with the water in the pony/goat pen. I found the submersible heater for their water tub, put the tub into it's insulated box for winter, and all I need now is the extension cord for the heater.
I went to see River, and enjoyed working with him today. My Sweetie showed up at the barn after work, which was also very nice.
I worked again on fluidity with River, and it is improving.
Afterwards, my Sweetie and I went upstairs in the barn to spend some quality time with the kittens.
They were very playful today, and used my husband's seated legs as a playground for chasing each other and tumbling around upon. It was wonderful.
I think just about everyone who has been coming to the barn for lessons or normal ride times and even the dog grooming clients has been spending time with the kittens, so they are getting well socialized!
Sweet Earl the Ancient Mariner looks a bit better these days, and I have permission to feed him whenever I'm there, as his medication has made him ravenous.
We came home, and I folded clothes while my Sweetie made supper. We ate and chatted for a while before he headed to bed.
I think about my Sister, and Mom, and so on, and it makes me worry about getting older. I understand that there is pain, and that makes a lot of things impossible, and maybe your mood shifts so you just don't care anymore.
I really just want to keep living life as much as I can, and not miss out on opportunities for enjoyment even if things aren't always what I would like them to be. I really don't want to spend the last 20 years of my life just sitting alone in pain.
In talking to my husband today, he talked about being stiff again, which he seems to be every morning when he gets up, and sore from sitting at work so much.
So I said "how about we try DOING SOMETHING about it?". I've suggested going to a physiotherapist, since it helped me so much. He was like "nah, I don't need that". Really? All you do is complain about being sore in the morning, and he has to soak in the tub all the time and says that even that doesn't help. Does that sound like he doesn't need a physiotherapist?
He says too, that our mattress bothers him. It's old, so I say "great, we can try replacing it", to which he replies "well, I don't really have the time to go find a mattress". Really.
So I am now being pushy about it. We're going to go get a mattress, and he's going to see a physiotherapist. In all likelihood, we CAN do something to improve his stiff back, so WHY NOT DO IT?
AAARRGHHHH! People and their weird "oh I'm in so much pain" but "I don't want to do anything about it" crap. I'm tired of it.
