Wednesday, November 18
Nov. 19th, 2025 11:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Managing to get up when I needed to today, and functioning okay in spite of very little sleep.
My Sweetie taking the day off of work to take me into the city today for my medical appointment.
This was the appointment to remove my very large lipoma.
I've had this lipoma for a long time, probably ten years. It was pretty big, and it made me very self-conscious.
It was sort of at the back of my armpit, close to the bottom of my left shoulder blade, and while it wasn't causing me pain or harm, it was pretty hard to feel comfortable with it aesthetically.
I've had to wear shirts that were loose enough to make it less noticeable, with long enough sleeves that you couldn't see it out the bottom.
I haven't worn a tank top, a sleeveless or cap sleeved shirt, or anything particularly form fitting for about ten years now. There were also very few cute dresses I could wear, because cute dresses generally don't have long sleeves, so I would end up layering shirts or jackets over the dresses, though even a jacket often didn't work because if you even lifted your arm up, the jacket would open enough that you could see it. I stopped going swimming, and working out meant also wearing loose shirts.
It sucked to go to nice events, and be stuck wearing fairly dowdy outfits.
While that might seem a bit superficial, it was something I was aware of every day. In terms of choosing my clothes (and constantly deciding not to wear something if the lipoma showed, though I still bought shirts I couldn't wear just because I WANTED to wear them).
I didn't get surgery because I was/am flat out a chicken about needles and surgery and so on. I had one surgery before this (a LEEP procedure over 20 years ago, and that was still pretty traumatic, but was not an incision, took maybe 15 minutes, and I didn't feel anything after it was done), though I have had stitches. I also thought it might be kind of vain of me to get an elective surgery that was mainly about appearance, when other people really NEED surgery.
Anyhow, as time has worn on, I became very glum about never really wearing pretty clothes again, or swimming (I love swimming, and sitting in the sauna), or just being able to work with my horse and wear more form fitting show shirts instead of always having to wear giant shirts.
Maybe it seems shallow, but I want to feel attractive again. Not really for the attention of anyone else, but for myself.
I want to enjoy my life and my body as much as I can, and not having a giant lipoma would help me do this.
Anyhow, we got to the hospital with lots of time, which is good because it's a huge hospital, and it took some time to figure out where to go.
What's nice is that getting there went smoothly, we weren't rushed, and even with the amount of time it took to find the outpatient surgery, we had lots of time.
It was really strange to finally be in a surgical room, after the last year of trying to get this appointment, and the years before of not committing to this course of action, but wanting it. I've spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like, how much it would hurt, how long it would take, and so on.
While they did a pretty good job of making sure it didn't hurt, there were a few times when the surgeon was tugging on the lipoma that it did hurt, which she right away amended with another shot of local.
It took nearly an HOUR to get it all out. An HOUR.
The surgeon and the attending nurse did a great job of chatting with me to distract me, and the music that the surgeon had on her personal playlist was so hilarious that it helped too. It was sort of "bad club remixes" of familiar, fairly old songs. Like "The Power of Love", "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers (yes, a club remix), and "Macarena" jacked up so fast it was barely recognizable, and "Funk Soul Brother".
I do this thing whenever I have to get dental work or anything scary done, which is almost to have an out of body experience where I try to dissociate from what's happening as much as possible.
That meant that after an HOUR of doing my best to not pay attention to what was happening (other than to report the pain) it was pretty strange to "come back" into my body again.
WARNING:SKIP THE NEXT BIT IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH.
They showed me the lipoma, and it wasn't a "unit" so much as a big container of fatty slop. It looked a lot like the visceral fat you might pull out of a chicken, fairly soft and not a solid mass like I thought it would be.
It was in a BIG container. It was one of the largest lipomas they'd seen.
I didn't think it was that big, like an orange, but I guess there had to be surrounding tissue that was also "lipoma" fat that had to come out.
The surgeon didn't remove any skin, because she feels that my skin is elastic enough to tighten up, though it might not happen over night.
The stitches are the dissolving kind, so I don't have to go back to get them removed.
YOU'RE OKAY TO LOOK AGAIN.
They do still have to test the lipoma they removed to make sure it was only fat, but I have had ultrasounds to make sure too..they're doing due diligence.
So, after the surgery my husband and I got some food, and went to the used bookstore for a while, and headed home.
After several hours, I am feeling some discomfort with the stitches, but not bad. The surgeon said not to worry much about restricting my movement, as movement is going to help it heal. I'm sure I'm not supposed to go swimming or rowing or lift weights for a while, but normal activities are likely fine.
I haven't looked at it, and I won't for a couple of days, as this initial dressing is supposed to stay on for two full days.
It's going to be very odd, to be without it, and I hope it heals well, and that the scar isn't too bad, though it will keep healing and fade a lot after a few months.
We came home and watched the first two episodes of "The White Lotus" which was pretty engaging.
Managing to get up when I needed to today, and functioning okay in spite of very little sleep.
My Sweetie taking the day off of work to take me into the city today for my medical appointment.
This was the appointment to remove my very large lipoma.
I've had this lipoma for a long time, probably ten years. It was pretty big, and it made me very self-conscious.
It was sort of at the back of my armpit, close to the bottom of my left shoulder blade, and while it wasn't causing me pain or harm, it was pretty hard to feel comfortable with it aesthetically.
I've had to wear shirts that were loose enough to make it less noticeable, with long enough sleeves that you couldn't see it out the bottom.
I haven't worn a tank top, a sleeveless or cap sleeved shirt, or anything particularly form fitting for about ten years now. There were also very few cute dresses I could wear, because cute dresses generally don't have long sleeves, so I would end up layering shirts or jackets over the dresses, though even a jacket often didn't work because if you even lifted your arm up, the jacket would open enough that you could see it. I stopped going swimming, and working out meant also wearing loose shirts.
It sucked to go to nice events, and be stuck wearing fairly dowdy outfits.
While that might seem a bit superficial, it was something I was aware of every day. In terms of choosing my clothes (and constantly deciding not to wear something if the lipoma showed, though I still bought shirts I couldn't wear just because I WANTED to wear them).
I didn't get surgery because I was/am flat out a chicken about needles and surgery and so on. I had one surgery before this (a LEEP procedure over 20 years ago, and that was still pretty traumatic, but was not an incision, took maybe 15 minutes, and I didn't feel anything after it was done), though I have had stitches. I also thought it might be kind of vain of me to get an elective surgery that was mainly about appearance, when other people really NEED surgery.
Anyhow, as time has worn on, I became very glum about never really wearing pretty clothes again, or swimming (I love swimming, and sitting in the sauna), or just being able to work with my horse and wear more form fitting show shirts instead of always having to wear giant shirts.
Maybe it seems shallow, but I want to feel attractive again. Not really for the attention of anyone else, but for myself.
I want to enjoy my life and my body as much as I can, and not having a giant lipoma would help me do this.
Anyhow, we got to the hospital with lots of time, which is good because it's a huge hospital, and it took some time to figure out where to go.
What's nice is that getting there went smoothly, we weren't rushed, and even with the amount of time it took to find the outpatient surgery, we had lots of time.
It was really strange to finally be in a surgical room, after the last year of trying to get this appointment, and the years before of not committing to this course of action, but wanting it. I've spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like, how much it would hurt, how long it would take, and so on.
While they did a pretty good job of making sure it didn't hurt, there were a few times when the surgeon was tugging on the lipoma that it did hurt, which she right away amended with another shot of local.
It took nearly an HOUR to get it all out. An HOUR.
The surgeon and the attending nurse did a great job of chatting with me to distract me, and the music that the surgeon had on her personal playlist was so hilarious that it helped too. It was sort of "bad club remixes" of familiar, fairly old songs. Like "The Power of Love", "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers (yes, a club remix), and "Macarena" jacked up so fast it was barely recognizable, and "Funk Soul Brother".
I do this thing whenever I have to get dental work or anything scary done, which is almost to have an out of body experience where I try to dissociate from what's happening as much as possible.
That meant that after an HOUR of doing my best to not pay attention to what was happening (other than to report the pain) it was pretty strange to "come back" into my body again.
WARNING:SKIP THE NEXT BIT IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH.
They showed me the lipoma, and it wasn't a "unit" so much as a big container of fatty slop. It looked a lot like the visceral fat you might pull out of a chicken, fairly soft and not a solid mass like I thought it would be.
It was in a BIG container. It was one of the largest lipomas they'd seen.
I didn't think it was that big, like an orange, but I guess there had to be surrounding tissue that was also "lipoma" fat that had to come out.
The surgeon didn't remove any skin, because she feels that my skin is elastic enough to tighten up, though it might not happen over night.
The stitches are the dissolving kind, so I don't have to go back to get them removed.
YOU'RE OKAY TO LOOK AGAIN.
They do still have to test the lipoma they removed to make sure it was only fat, but I have had ultrasounds to make sure too..they're doing due diligence.
So, after the surgery my husband and I got some food, and went to the used bookstore for a while, and headed home.
After several hours, I am feeling some discomfort with the stitches, but not bad. The surgeon said not to worry much about restricting my movement, as movement is going to help it heal. I'm sure I'm not supposed to go swimming or rowing or lift weights for a while, but normal activities are likely fine.
I haven't looked at it, and I won't for a couple of days, as this initial dressing is supposed to stay on for two full days.
It's going to be very odd, to be without it, and I hope it heals well, and that the scar isn't too bad, though it will keep healing and fade a lot after a few months.
We came home and watched the first two episodes of "The White Lotus" which was pretty engaging.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-21 05:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-21 06:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-21 08:00 am (UTC)Now you don't have to worry about hiding any more.
I hope you come to enjoy your scar as much as I enjoy mine. Scars are lovely battle wounds, and are powerful symbols of triumph!
no subject
Date: 2025-11-21 08:10 am (UTC)If nothing else, I will be able to wear normal shirts without a strange bulge in my armpit.
It will be nice to wear some of the shirts I already own, but didn't feel comfortable wearing.
Your scar really is a victorious battle scar, and I'm glad you rock it.
Mine, though not from a life-threatening condition, will remind me that I did it for my own happiness and well-being, and pushed past my fear to do so.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-21 08:40 am (UTC)Scars are a triumph over something, thus are important. They don't have to represent life over death.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-22 08:27 am (UTC)I'm glad you get to display yours when you balter.