Monday, December 22

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

A lot. I just still felt angry all day.

I felt like I didn't get any sleep again last night, so that's two days of poor sleep.

Oddly, I feel less congested today, other than my ears still feeling blocked up. I can breathe through my nose again, which is wonderful.

I was pretty frustrated with my husband, because normally Monday is pottery day and grocery day. It may sound rigid, but it makes things run smoothly just to get groceries the same day every week, and you get very good at judging what to buy to get through the week. If that gets thrown off, you end up doing "make up" runs for food, and then it gets even worse.

Anyhow, I had planned to still just go to town and get groceries (the pottery studio is closed over the holidays).

My husband was just sitting there looking at his phone, and I asked him if he was going to come to town with me. He's like "or we don't have to go anywhere today".

I responded "we do need to get groceries before Christmas".

"We could just get up early, go to town and get groceries, and then you could see River afterwards".

No. I HATE the rush of getting up early and forcing a trip like that and trying to do everything on one day. I have a system.

So, then he's like "I do need to go to the other town, to get my glasses adjusted, and your contacts came in".

Well, so I said "okay, it sounds like we need to go to THAT town, do the optometrist thing, and get groceries".

He responded "Or we could just stay home and do nothing. I don't care."

That just drives me crazy. I COULD JUST GO TO TOWN MYSELF TOO and do all the errands and you can just relax at home all day I guess.

He had dawdled so long that now we were running into some stores being closed. Also frustrating. We still had chores to do.

So, that also means not having the time to let the animals out into their pastures and so on, because it's FINE to just set their needs aside.

Anyhow, we go to town, and he's like "well, we're too late to go to the optometrists and if you need animal bedding, we should go there first before that store closes".

"Do you even know when the stores close?" "Five". "Did you check?" "I don't have to, they close at five".

So I CHECKED with my PHONE, and guess what? The farm supply store was open until six, meaning we could go to the optometrist's first and get my contacts and get his glasses adjusted AFTER ALL. I mean, that was the whole initial point of going!

So we picked up animal bedding after the optometrist's. All fine.

But if I hadn't checked, he wouldn't have gone to the optometrist's, and then turned that into a trip again another day.

I said I wanted to go to the thrift store, so we did that. I found some nice things.

Then we ate some very tasty burritos, and as I've mentioned before, the new management REALLY FILLS THEM. Yummy.

Then we went to the bulk food store and bought a few things.

Then we had to go to Canadian Tire to look at shelving for the pottery studio, and that turned into a bit of a struggle too, because he made it sound like none of the shelving was really what he wanted, but "we could buy it anyway and if it doesn't work we can use it somewhere else". I was like "why buy something if you really don't believe it's going to work?".

Out of sheer frustration I told him to buy this one kind of shelf, just mostly so I could fricking get on with my life. I guess we'll see if it can work in the studio or not.

Then he's like "I guess we're all done in town and we can head home, right?"

And I was like "umm...HOW ABOUT BUYING THE FOOD WE WANT TO EAT ON CHRISTMAS DAY". Yup. He literally would have driven home without buying food, even though that was one of the main reasons we went to town in the first place. He would have gone home without getting food for Christmas day.

Except you know what he would have done? Just gone right back to town again tomorrow to get groceries.

Since I had just about lost my will to live and couldn't bear going into one more store with my husband, and I was ready to accept the consequences of sending him in there alone, I sent my husband to get what he thought we'd need to make a nice salad, and after quite some time he came back. I waited in the truck.

Really, the whole day just felt tense for me, and it's hard to explain, but my husband was frustrating all day long. Like saying the agriculture store was closing at five without ever checking. Like not liking any of the shelves but buying one any way. Like just slugging around the house and saying "we don't need to go to town, but there are ten things we need to do today, but we can just get up early and try to do them all before going to the riding barn, because we'll feel like doing it SO MUCH MORE tomorrow".
Nearly leaving town without buying CHRISTMAS FOOD.

It didn't help that I haven't been sleeping, and that I just started the day with a chip on my shoulder.

While he was in the store buying groceries, I started a phone call with Sister E, and she sensed my tension. I tried not to just explode with rage, and was actually pretty civil about things, but it helped to talk with her, which is good.

We came home, put things away, and managed to have a bit of civil chatting before he headed to bed.